DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

It's bizarre you would choose for your son to be bullied rather than get a cut.

I'm being a bit facetious.

I do like long hair on men, but not as much as I like young people being able to make their own choices. So it was - and remains - a family joke that I bang on about how good he'd look with long hair. Which he would. It's a terrible waste. I mean, really, the world would be a much lovelier place if everyone just did what I say. But, oh no, everyone thinks they know better, don't they? Well, fine. Have it your way. Just don't come running to me when...er...well, I don't know what, but don't say I didn't try to warn you.

You know you don't set your kids up for that sort of attention on principle. He's said he wants short hair, his dad listened to him. That seems fair - you can't always get what you want when you have to consider other people's feelings.

You were never a child then? 5 is not too young to be bullied. If he wanted his hair cut, then you should have done it.

ah bless him - let him have his hair short if that is what he wants!

YABU

There are much bigger battles ahead.

YABVU OP. This seems very centred on what you want, not on your son's perfectly reasonable wishes which is what his dad has followed. Yes, he maybe could have had a discussion with you beforehand but I would place money on it that you don't consult with his dad on such decisions if the shoe was on the other foot because you seem to think your wishes and right to make parenting decisions is more important.

He probably told his dad he’d like to have short hair.
Men are more black & white, he took him for the cut.

Does your son like his new haircut?

The hair will grow back, not such a big deal IMO.

I'm reminded of the time when my mother decided that my brother <aged about 10> was old enough to go to the barbers on his own. This would have been in about 1976. So off he went. Now my brother was a big fan of The Beano, not knowing what to ask for, he asked for what Beano characters always asked for - a short back & sides. He came home looking like an American Marine with hardly any hair. He wasn't allowed to get his hair cut without her supervision for about 10 years. He also didn't need a haircut for about 9 months. 😂

No doubt the type who wants everything beige for your son because that's what you like !

Ffs are you being serious? Thank goodness his father listens to him. Kids are fucking cruel at this age - you need to wake up.

It’s lucky for your son that at least one of his parents listens to him.

You're in the wrong.
If your son is in school then he's old enough to decide how he wants his hair. His dad listened to him, you didn't.
Also, why is more important how you want his shot than how his dad does? Or the child?!

You can’t be serious? Your little boy has himself said he doesn’t like having long hair.

At least his dad is willing to listen to him, even if you are not.

Oh dear, your poor son! Does he not get any say?

Have you asked his dad when DS needed a haircut in the past?

Too young to be bullied? If he feels he'd be bullied with long hair, you're unreasonable to make him grow it. What his hair is like is far more important to DS than to you. Why make such a big thing of it?

Sounds like your ex and his partner have stepped up and given your DS what he wanted and needed. If DS is happier with short hair and he feels more confident now he is not a target of teasing, then you need to back off.

Do you think you should have more of a say than your son? Lucky his dad listened to him.

I'm so glad your sons father listened to him. He wants short hair, his Dad respected his wishes, end of story.

Yes, changes should be discussed ideally under collaborative parenting. But if he had discussed it with you, would you have said yes?

My feeling is he knows you wouldn't, and your son knows that too, and that's why he didn't discuss it with you.

You can discuss this with your ex if you wish of course, but please do not say anything negative about it to your son. He is likely torn between expressing his wishes and not upsetting his Mum, so please validate his choices, even if they are not to your personal preference.

If your son says he doesn’t like long hair because of bullying then the right thing to do is cut it. His dad acted his sons best interests

So your child has expressed his wish not to have long hair as his peers are calling him a girl. You on the other hand, have decided to grow his hair again. Why? Do you really want you son to be ridiculed at school?

Yabu- my mum made me have a page boy hairstyle when I was 5. Absolutely horrendous. I was teased and called a boy for ages. I can still remember it well now.

Well, now it is obvious that you are 100% in the wrong @Minimelanie! In fact I am now actively on your son's DDad"s side, as he obviously listens to, believes, and respects your DS. I know I am sounding harsh OP, and I am sorry that I feel the need to be. If someone had said something like that to me, when my children were the same age, I would have probably burst into tears, so I hope you are both stronger, and more mature, than I was all of those years ago. But, you did ask for our views, and that is mine.

I am only commenting because I want to implore you to always listen to your children, believe them whenever it is at all possible to, especially if they are talking to you about something that seems difficult for* them to say, or about something that upsets them, and even though he is still only little, please respect him as well. As for the bullying, *of couse children of five years old can be bullied, and very sadly, they can also be bullies, especially if that is the lifestyle they live in.

I think that you owe both your dear son, and his dad, apologies, and please remember that unless one parent is an abusive bully, they both have a right to make those sort of choices for their children. In an almost ideal world, and when possible, both parents should discuss things with each other when it is as important as their child claiming that they are being bullied.