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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
CDTC · 12/02/2026 15:59

You son should decide how he has his hair especially if he's getting bullied for it. His dad has listened to him and made the appropriate decision.

Mapletree1985 · 12/02/2026 15:58

As you know, the only one who gets a say in what your son's hair looks like is your son. Allowing them to make these decisions at a young age sets the foundations for strong autonomy in the future, and teaches them to believe that their voices are important, which is vital for self-esteem.

CurlewKate · 12/02/2026 15:58

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So you know what he wants and went against him. And no he isn’t too young for people to comment, but he might be too young to say “Sod off” to them!

Stillhere83 · 12/02/2026 15:58

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Your son should have most of the say, and it sounds like your ex has recognized that. I have a son of the same age and he decides how he wants it cut. Pretty cruel to force him to have a hairstyle he has protested against because you like it, IMO.

strange25 · 12/02/2026 15:56

Dad takes child to barbers, barber says ‘so what are we doing today’ child likely says ‘cut it off’ .. and that’s ok.

Witchlite · 12/02/2026 15:55

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

This is where you’re going wrong.

you co-parent with your ex. He has equal say. However, unless your DS is asking for ridiculous hairstyles, both of you should listen to DS - it’s his hair.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/02/2026 15:53

At least he’ll be less likely to get nits!

AgnesMcDoo · 12/02/2026 15:53

Sounds like Dad is listening to DS and you are not

YorksMa · 12/02/2026 15:51

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

I was bullied all the way through primary school. From age 6 till I went to high school at nearly 12. It still affects me today. The idea that he's too young to be bullied is simply wrong. You're putting your aesthetic preferences over your child's mental, and maybe physical, health. Stop it.

godmum56 · 12/02/2026 15:51

likelysuspect · 12/02/2026 15:18

For goodness sake OP isnt coming back

yeah usual thing
OP AIBU
MN yes
OP doesn't like answer.

godmum56 · 12/02/2026 15:50

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

your son should have ALL the say about how he wants his hair. he is not your dress up dolly so don't treat him like one.

Babyijustdontgetit · 12/02/2026 15:48

I’d say it’s about how he wants it but mega short would upset me. If he’s happy let it go. Boys do often get mistaken for girls with longer hair. My then 4 year old son told me he and a new bestie who was a girl…. He definitely was not but had long blonde curly hair!

BeeDavis · 12/02/2026 15:41

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Sorry but this is an absolutely shit attitude to have! 🙄🙄

Bournetilly · 12/02/2026 15:40

YABVU, it’s only hair and at 5 your son is old enough to decide how he wants it. His dad has just as much right as you to take him for a hair cut.

Lightuptheroom · 12/02/2026 15:35

Really not a hill to die on. Yes it's irritating but hair grows again. My son's step mum gave him an appalling hair cut (literally cut the fringe straight across and it looked like she'd put a bowl on his head and cut round it) 4 weeks later it didn't even show it had been cut.

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 12/02/2026 15:21

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Your Ds wanted short hair!

Kids shouldn’t be bullied about their hair length but they should also be able to say how they would like their hair.

His Dad probably really felt for him when he said kids had commented.

Maybe had you cut it shorter (but not crew cut) he would have been happy. But no: you wanted it longer.

Let it go, OP, maybe now just cut it a bit less each time and let it get to a shortish but not crew cut length.

Ellie1015 · 12/02/2026 15:18

Your son should have the most day. Dad did the right thing.

Long hair is lovely, but if he doesnt like it and worse school friends are commenting on it then it is you bullying him into keeping it long.

likelysuspect · 12/02/2026 15:18

For goodness sake OP isnt coming back

SJM1988 · 12/02/2026 15:17

YABU. Your son doesn't like long hair, he is able to make that decision for himself even in the first year of school.

You are being very naive if you think reception is too young to be bullied. Children will find any excuse and difference to make fun of at that age

IdentityCris · 12/02/2026 15:16

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So you chose not to believe him? Poor kid. Please listen to him more and don't assume he's lying and exaggerating.

It sounds like his Dad did him a big favour.

pinkmustard · 12/02/2026 15:16

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

You son chooses how he has his hair, not you

JustCabbaggeLooking · 12/02/2026 15:16

WalkDontWalk · 12/02/2026 15:08

I'm being a bit facetious.

I do like long hair on men, but not as much as I like young people being able to make their own choices. So it was - and remains - a family joke that I bang on about how good he'd look with long hair. Which he would. It's a terrible waste. I mean, really, the world would be a much lovelier place if everyone just did what I say. But, oh no, everyone thinks they know better, don't they? Well, fine. Have it your way. Just don't come running to me when...er...well, I don't know what, but don't say I didn't try to warn you.

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😂

Stigsmother · 12/02/2026 15:15

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

I was bullied relentlessly at 5 for having a "posh" accent, children are far from innocent little beings

Maray1967 · 12/02/2026 15:13

itsmeits · 12/02/2026 13:12

Dont be naive kids are cruel

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This!! I’ve got two DSs - if either had said he wanted short hair because other kids were saying he was a girl, I would have taken him to the barbers asap. You’re very much in the wrong here.

Peridoteage · 12/02/2026 15:12

Yabvvvvvvu not to listen to your son. Thank goodness his father intervened.