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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
Clavinova · 12/02/2026 16:39

A bit cold for a crew cut at this time of year - does he have a warm hat?

steff13 · 12/02/2026 16:35

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

It's his hair, so he should have the most say. He's a person, not a doll.

ZoeCM · 12/02/2026 16:34

Grammarninja · 12/02/2026 16:24

This has to be a reverse.

I hope so, but it could feasibly be real. I've seen this quite a few times on parenting forums: parents are separated, mum wants young son to have long hair, dad (who knows first-hand how boys at school may view other boys with long hair) gets his hair cut, mum gets annoyed because "I'm his mum, it should be my decision..."

Lifestooshort71 · 12/02/2026 16:31

HRTWT but have read OPs.
Is this about more than his hair? Is it a control thing?

Comeinsideforacupoftea · 12/02/2026 16:31

Grammarninja · 12/02/2026 16:24

This has to be a reverse.

Or a straight up windup like 90% of mn posts..

MyDeftDuck · 12/02/2026 16:29

“But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.” !!! Seriously OP, what age do you think bullying start in school then?
Of course your DS could have been bullied!

ZoeCM · 12/02/2026 16:27

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Why?

Grammarninja · 12/02/2026 16:24

This has to be a reverse.

ZoeCM · 12/02/2026 16:22

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

You can't be serious. Of course five-year-olds can be bullied! It's horrible that your son told his own mum that he was being bullied for having long hair (which is entirely plausible) and she didn't believe him.

You need to rethink your entire attitude to parenting. You're treating your son as a fashion accessory, not a human being.

BunnyLake · 12/02/2026 16:21

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

You sound very selfish. Why do you want your son to have longer hair than he actually wants?

Laura95167 · 12/02/2026 16:21

You want it long exP wants it short.. there isnt a compromise there.. tbh id be asking DS HIS preference

And as he seems to be saying short YABU.

Hes getting teased when its long and wants it short so his dad did the right thing.

You might have DS more but DS has to live with his hair all the time

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 16:21

PurpleCoo · 12/02/2026 16:18

It gets worse! Just saw the OP comment. The kid is getting bullied at school for having long hair, but OP still wants to force him to have her preference and chooses not to believe her son.

Well done dad in that case

Exactly! 'Because I have him more than his dad,' is a bizarre reason for keeping her son's hair long (when her son says he wants it short!)

As you said, well done dad for having his son's hair cut!

Motheroftheb · 12/02/2026 16:18

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Your son is also old enough to have a say. Well done to his dad for listening to him.

PurpleCoo · 12/02/2026 16:18

It gets worse! Just saw the OP comment. The kid is getting bullied at school for having long hair, but OP still wants to force him to have her preference and chooses not to believe her son.

Well done dad in that case

PurpleCoo · 12/02/2026 16:16

So essentially you are saying that only you get to choose the haircut not the dad? Why do you get the final say? What does your son want?

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 16:16

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

This. ^ For goodness sake @Minimelanie let your son have short hair. I don't know WHY some mums insist on leaving their son's hair long. I find it really strange. Like I dislike short hair on girls. I don't mean girls should have long flowing hair, and a cute bob is OK, but not short back and sides! Ditto, hair on a boy is OK like a little shaggy, but not long.

EG, pic 1 ... This hair on a boy - fine. Pic 2. This hair on a boy - not fine.

Pic 3 - This hair on a girl - fine. Pic 4 - This hair on a girl - not fine.

Don't anyone come at me, it's JMO!

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me
DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me
DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me
DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me
NoisyViewer · 12/02/2026 16:13

SecretNameAsImShy · 12/02/2026 16:09

Yep, a total roasting on this one!

Show quote history

They need a new forum. Validate me please. We can all then bullshit.

but I have friends like this. Come with a problem, ask what you think & don’t like the response.

NoisyViewer · 12/02/2026 16:11

Jeez pick your battles. You can’t possibly win this as your son doesn’t want long hair. He wasn’t even happy with it mid length & you want it longer, despite knowing he was upset with the comments off his school mates. They probably wasn’t being mean at this age they say things that pop into their head & most 5 yo boys don’t want to look like a girl. Some things you just have to suck up as they get older. my kids wearing the cute outfits I used to buy to them rejecting it & wanting to dress like a yardies was a sad day for me but it is what it is

SecretNameAsImShy · 12/02/2026 16:09

godmum56 · 12/02/2026 15:51

yeah usual thing
OP AIBU
MN yes
OP doesn't like answer.

Show quote history

Yep, a total roasting on this one!

itsgettingweird · 12/02/2026 16:01

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So he asked you and you said no?

So he asked his dad?

Clever lad! He’s learnt to communicate his preferences.

Barnbrack · 12/02/2026 16:01

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

What an odd point. If your son wanted long hair I'd be on your side but he wants short hair, it's his hair

Uptightmumma · 12/02/2026 16:01

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

He’s not too young to be bullied at all. And you need to listen to what he wants, my son has been growing his hair since he was 6 (now 9) I hate it. It looks messy and greasy all the time an he doesn’t care for it it the way long hair needs caring for! But it’s his hair; he gets called a girl all the time doesn’t care but it’s his choice

Snorlaxo · 12/02/2026 16:00

If someone who isn’t his dad did this eg your mum then you’d have a point but yabu not to consider your son’s feelings on the matter. He is old enough to have an opinion on hairstyles and unless it’s something banned by the school like blue hair then your son’s opinion matters and his dad did the right thing helping him.

Reception kids can be very black and white about boys and girls things and it takes a confident child to go against this.

bigsoftcocks · 12/02/2026 15:59

This has to be a wind up. This kid’s doomed otherwise

AmusedMember · 12/02/2026 15:59

And what does your son like?

At 5 my son told me what he wanted, and we followed HIS lead, I'd never ever give him something I wanted.