DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

No, your son has the say in how he wants his hair, It's his body, not yours. He's at the age where they get to make little decisions like this about themselves.

He made it clear he didn't want long hair and his father respected his wishes, you did not.

Keep in mind your son is a person in his own right not a doll to style as you wish, He's 5 not a toddler.
You sound quite over bearing to be honest, you're putting your wants above your child despite the fact he already told you he's being bullied for it.

Except you don't get more say. Whether that's hair cut, ear piercing, choice of school . Both parents both have a say.

I feel for you but at school age I would
go with what your son wants. I don’t think this is a mean abusive dad cutting off all the toddler curls to upset you, I think this is a dad lisenimg
to his son

@KellySeveride

Long hair on a boy DOES NOT MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE GIRLS!

If they are prepubescent, it does a bit...

Your ex should have communicated with you about getting your son’s hair cut of course, but what would you have said?

your son communicated to you that he wanted short hair and you ignored him, at least ex is listening to him

YABU, your son expressed his wishes to have short hair and does not want long hair as he is being bullied.

You husband respected his son’s wishes , you have no more say than him, it’s what your son wanted.

Your son clearly wanted his hair cut. Time to move on.

Well then that’s his choice. Bet it looks neater as well

You need to think about the girl comment, no one should see being mistaken for a girl as a negative as being a girl isn’t a negative thing.

Of course it's negative to be called the opposite sex if that's not what you aiming for - especially at 5 years old when you are starting to categorise yourself as boy or girl rather than just a kid..I once had a short hair cut when I was about 9 and was assumed to be a boy a couple of times, and I hated it. Not because I inherently thought being a boy was negative though..

Shame there wasn't a poll.

YABVU.

I mean, YABU in the first instance, but once you admitted your ds wanted it short .......

More than your son does? Its his hair after all. What your son wants is not against any school rules or problematic so its his shout. You will have many battles raising a child, this is on the list of “let it go”.

Why are you and your ex using his new partner as a messaging system?

He’s five, he gets to choose his haircut unless its something outrageous, I’m a Sikh, I don’t cut my hair, I would rather our children didn’t, however that isn’t something they are aware of as I want them to feel comfortable asking for their hair to be cut as they wish.

You need to think about the girl comment, no one should see being mistaken for a girl as a negative as being a girl isn’t a negative thing.

They're all fine dont talk such rubbish, people like you are the reason we have kids thinking they're a different sex or wanting to be a different sex. Regressive sex stereotypes that didnt really exist like this when I was growing up, boys had long hair and girls had cute pixie cuts.

In this particular case the boy doesnt want longer hair so that makes it fine to cut

It would have been fine to leave it as well if he had liked it.

Sounds to me like your DS has gone to his dad and maybe in a father & son moment he has confided in his father that he hates his hair. Father has accepted that it wont be popular with you but he has 'had his sons back' and got it cut. He has tried to tell his mum that he doesnt like it but you have not listened. Borderline abuse if you ask me and the fact you are more bothered about your ex looking after your sons needs against your wishes rather than looking at how you ignored your DS simple request is worrying.

Because he doesn't like it and doesn't want people to mistake him for a girl?

Especially if her reaction to him saying he's being picked on at school is, "No you're not."

I don't think OP is coming back though.

I always find it very strange when mums are obsessed with their sons having long hair, it's always the boy mums that desperately wanted a girl instead.. like they are trying to replicate it.

Yes, I've noticed this, too.

Why is being told you look like a girl problematic?

Your son wanted shorter hair, YABU.

Thank goodness your son has one parent who treats him with respect in relation to how he wants to look, he is not a doll, if he wants short hair then it's your job to facilitate that for him. If you are so controlling in other respects, be prepared for him to get to age 10 or so and decide he wants to live with his dad full-time..

Yabu your son wants his hair short, the dad was right to get it cut (especially if he is being bullied for it).

I always find it very strange when mums are obsessed with their sons having long hair, it's always the boy mums that desperately wanted a girl instead.. like they are trying to replicate it.
Thankfully I listen to my ds and let him cut his hair short like daddy's.

Long hair on a boy DOES NOT MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE GIRLS!

Sorry that attitude really fucks me off.

Having said that your 5 year old should have his say, at 5 my DS wanted long hair, he still has long hair at 13. They’re the ones who have to wear it. OP YABU

It's good that someone was listening to his view

Chose your battles.
Children grow up quickly.
Life is too short.
Use your time and energy wisely.

I was 'pantsed' at 4 years old because I looked like a boy due to short hair and dungarees (this was the 1980s so no one gave a crap)...

So yes, absolutely, kids will tease, bully, and do worse, for a wide variety of reasons including hair length.

Kid wants his hair short, kid has his hair short.

Ignoring reasonable desires over personal appearance are inappropriate and his Dad has done the right thing. He is not your little dressing up dolly, he's his own person!