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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 13/02/2026 01:31

He's 5 and he wants his hair cut. It's not up to you to decide. Can't understand why you would think your feelings about it are more important than your child's!

90sTrifle · 13/02/2026 00:34

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Well there’s your answer! Your ex doesn’t want your DS bullied at school so he’s every right to do what your child needs to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/02/2026 00:29

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Well yes if he had long hair then some kids may tease and say like a Girl

so he wanted shorter hair to look like a boy and you object

sanityisamyth · 12/02/2026 22:44

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Your son has his hair 100% of the time. His hair, his opinion.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 12/02/2026 22:03

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Honestly, thank God your son has his dad who listens to him - it's his hair and so long as he's not asking for anything ridiculous, then just let him have it how he wants. You need to realise that what has happened is ; your son has told his dad how people are teasing him, asked for it to be cut and his dad has kindly taken him out and paid for it. Take it as a great sign he's doing a good job. Perhaps think about your sons wants and needs too a little bit....

MissRaspberry · 12/02/2026 21:33

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So he probably told his dad he wanted a shorter hairstyle then if he's told you he doesn't like his long hair?is your son happy with the cut he's got now?

Tableforjoan · 12/02/2026 21:26

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Does that mean you also believe a working husband has final say over money if his wife is a sahm?

If he earns more than her if she does work does he get more of a say?

Should people who pay more tax get more of a say in how it’s spent?

My child’s been in their school longer than yours, is their opinion or thoughts more important than your child’s since mines been there longer? Knowing the teachers longer. Spent more time there.

no no no and no

And exactly the same to you’re but I have him more like his a possession. No.

JMSA · 12/02/2026 21:15

YABU.

Lifestooshort71 · 12/02/2026 21:00

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 17:41

I’ve answered every question asked!

Show quote history

You haven't answered mine. I asked if it wasn't just about the haircut but more of a control issue?

Gloopsy · 12/02/2026 20:22

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 17:41

I’ve answered every question asked!

Show quote history

No you haven't at all!

I asked if you checked with your ex when your son has needed a haircut in the past

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/02/2026 19:29

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

You can feel that you have more of a say - but you don't.

Bushmillsbabe · 12/02/2026 19:26

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 17:41

I’ve answered every question asked!

Show quote history

You haven't. I asked what would you have said if your sons Dad had asked you? Would you have been open to a constructive discussion or just said no?

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 12/02/2026 19:08

Listen to what your son wants from now on.
Insisting he keeps his hair long because YOU like it that way despite him being bullied at school is utterly selfish on your part and a tad sadistic.

Theroadt · 12/02/2026 19:01

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Sounds like he asked his Dad for a short haircut because he hates it longer but knew you wouldn’t allow shorter. Which means you need to take a long look at yourself and step back a bit and listen to him. On the other hand, a crew cut is the other extreme so I can see you might be a bit cross about that.

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 19:01

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Theres your answer. Your son didn't like his long hair so dad listened and got it cut.
Id have a think that ex didn't contact you because he thought you might say no even though your son wanted it

Tableforjoan · 12/02/2026 18:58

Your son doesn’t want long hair. That’s what matters. Dad listened. You ignore him.

BlueRedCat · 12/02/2026 18:51

I pretty much let me children decide their own hair from the moment they could communicate. Most of the time they were unbothered either way but as they got older they had a strong preference. If my son wanted it cut short then I let him- surely your son is the only person who can decide how he wants his hair (obviously taking into account school rules and neatness).

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 12/02/2026 18:48

BashfulClam · 12/02/2026 13:12

Your sone told you he wanted shorter hair and you ignored him. He told his Dad who actually listened and took appropriate action. Why did you force your son to have a style he didn’t like just because of your preference? It’s up to him.

This. Your permission is not needed. The kid has 2 parents, one of them is listening to him…

faithfultoGeorgeMichael · 12/02/2026 18:45

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

fucking hell are you serious???

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/02/2026 18:40

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So - your son doesn't like having long hair, he has told you that he doesn't like having long hair, but because YOU like him to have long hair YOU insist he has to have long hair. Your son presumably told his dad he doesn't like having long hair so his dad took him to the hairdresser/barber and now your son has the short hair he prefers?

"Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school."
When you say "he should have asked me" - do you mean 'asked me for my permission'? Do you think you should have asked your son's dad for permission to have your/his son's hair long? Well - do you?

Your/his son didn't want to wear his hair long. I see no good reason for you to force your/his son to wear his hair in a style he doesn't like.

Scout2016 · 12/02/2026 18:39

It's not your hair, it's his and he wants it short. You can do what you want with your hair.
So yes, YABU.
I hope you haven't let on to your son that you don't like his new haircut.

NewGoldFox · 12/02/2026 18:36

Should’ve been discussed with you.

NarnianQueen · 12/02/2026 18:32

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

He’s probably really glad his dad listens to him then!

RawBloomers · 12/02/2026 18:32

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Good grief.

Thank god he has a sane dad.

LoudTealHare · 12/02/2026 18:13

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Get a grip! He’s said he doesn’t like long hair and you must accept it. Sadly children can be bullied at any age, and not necessarily by class mates, but children futher up the school!