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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
MissRaspberry · 13/02/2026 20:08

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

He's far from too young to be bullied. You're essentially calling your son a liar by dismissing what he's telling you. Try listening to him rather than sitting there point scoring with his dad. All of this you "have him more means you have more of a say over him" is quite honestly ridiculous. Your child has told you he's being ridiculed for having long hair and all you get from that is that he's your kid you have him more therefore it's up to you how he has his hair. He's probably asked his dad to let him have a hair cut because he knows you won't listen to him.

MCF86 · 13/02/2026 20:03

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

more of a say than your son himself?
So this really is just about finding a reason to be arsey with your ex isn't it.

MCF86 · 13/02/2026 20:02

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So you're pissed off your ex listened to his child's wishes ABOUT HIS OWN HAIR?!
Fucks sake.

paulhollywoodshairgel · 13/02/2026 20:01

Sounds like he’s told his dad that he’s getting picked on for having long hair and he took action. I wouldn’t be bothered by this I’d listen to what my kid was telling me.

croydon15 · 13/02/2026 19:50

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So he's being bullied at school but you ignore his preference as you think he's too young to be bullied, incredible.

Littlegreenbauble · 13/02/2026 19:44

Yabvu

WorkCleanRepeat · 13/02/2026 19:42

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Then your ex done the right thing. You have no right to override both your son and your ex's view on this.

Kids can be mean! You can't make a boy go to school with long hair unless they are fully on board.

QuietPiggy · 13/02/2026 19:31

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

That's not how it works.

Emptyandsad · 13/02/2026 19:18

I think it's important to give kids their autonomy as early in their lives as it is appropriate. Let them make decisions and learn to live with the consequences over small things as soon as is practicable.

It's only hair; it will grow back. Let him decide - he's a human, not your toy

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 13/02/2026 19:18

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

@Minimelanie
There’s your answer. You son doesn’t want long hair because he doesn’t want to be bullied. Let him have his hair how he wants.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/02/2026 19:15

If the price for @Minimelanie getting her way about her son’s hairstyle is him getting teased/bullied at school, I think that is far too high a price. His mental health should matter more than her feelings about his hair.

CypressGrove · 13/02/2026 19:12

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

More say than your son himself?

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 13/02/2026 19:06

I think YABU. Listen to your DS.

Endorewitch · 13/02/2026 19:04

So your wishes come before his dad's.
Or so you think. But both parents'wished are equally important. Obviously your ex listened to his son's wishes and acted on them.
Good for him.
You seem to be somewhat controlling.

Akiddleydiveytoo · 13/02/2026 19:03

Your son is a living breathing human being with his own thoughts, preferences and desires. He is not a doll for you to accessorise according to your own preference.

PUGMEISTER21 · 13/02/2026 18:55

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 12/02/2026 13:07

YABVU for not listening to what your son wants
Your ex was being unreasonable to not discuss

So does ex partner have to discuss with partner evertinlme he wants to buy him aT- shirt or take him for a milkshake?

PUGMEISTER21 · 13/02/2026 18:53

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

Life is too short for this. Why do YOU get decide how he has his hair? If these are the sorts of things you get het up over I imagine your life is quite difficult.

Sharptonguedwoman · 13/02/2026 18:30

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Obviously he isn’t too young or he wouldn’t be receiving comments. Also, it’s a hair cut. Hair grows and his father is entitled to a say. YABU.

AnaisVB · 13/02/2026 18:27

My ex husband used to cut our boys hair all the time it was so weird he almost got obsessed with it and it never looked good. But there isn’t really anything you can do, he has parental responsibility and although it’s annoying why do you have to have the say over this? My sons HATED him cutting their hair and eventfully put their foot down so really It’s down to your child . If ExP is cutting his hair totally against your wishes sounds quite controlling, but he could say you are being controlling by demanding what you want!

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 13/02/2026 18:19

Lifestooshort71 · 12/02/2026 21:00

You haven't answered mine. I asked if it wasn't just about the haircut but more of a control issue?

Show quote history

OP knows it's about control and nothing else.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 13/02/2026 17:59

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Well, there you have it. His hair, his choice. Bullying can, and does, start at any age.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/02/2026 16:20

Worse than that, @Skybluepinky - she is denying the teasing/bullying that’s happening at school - so the poor lad is getting no back up from his mum to help him with a damaging situation at school. I know how hurtful it is to get no help or support from your mum for bullying at school - the bullying blighted my life, and the lack of support from mum permanently damaged my relationship with her.

Skybluepinky · 13/02/2026 15:57

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So you have dismissed your sons wishes, sounds like you are just point scoring with your ex, your poor child.

sprigatito · 13/02/2026 15:16

BatchCookBabe · 12/02/2026 16:16

This. ^ For goodness sake @Minimelanie let your son have short hair. I don't know WHY some mums insist on leaving their son's hair long. I find it really strange. Like I dislike short hair on girls. I don't mean girls should have long flowing hair, and a cute bob is OK, but not short back and sides! Ditto, hair on a boy is OK like a little shaggy, but not long.

EG, pic 1 ... This hair on a boy - fine. Pic 2. This hair on a boy - not fine.

Pic 3 - This hair on a girl - fine. Pic 4 - This hair on a girl - not fine.

Don't anyone come at me, it's JMO!

Show quote history

Can you explain why you think a child’s hair needs to be coded according to biological sex in this way? You seem to think there is a moral dimension to this, which I find genuinely intriguing. What is actually the problem with a girl having one of the styles you have declared “not fine” for girls? Why is it wrong?

FriedFalafels · 13/02/2026 15:12

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Time to listen to your son