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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
babasaclover · 12/02/2026 13:29

Sounds like he done him a favour to stop bullying

MatriarchCaz · 12/02/2026 13:29

Manchestergal003 · 12/02/2026 13:10

Well that was easy to answer then, YABU.

Show quote history

This 100%

waterrat · 12/02/2026 13:29

Listen to your son - and also don't sweat the small stuff in co parenting.

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 12/02/2026 13:29

You and his Dad both have equal PR and it's him taking him for the haircuts. Considering you only have weekday nights and he has weekends he's spending the same amount of awake time with him.

Your DS is not a doll and it's neither here nor there how you want his hair. It's his hair.

Wordsmithery · 12/02/2026 13:28

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Well your son has his hair 100% of the time so shouldn't he have more of a say then anyone...

DaisyChain505 · 12/02/2026 13:27

  1. You are both parents to this child. He isn’t your possession that you sometimes lend out to your ex as a favour. He gets to make decisions about your son as well as you.

  2. Do you run absolutely every decision you make for your son past your ex? I doubt you do.

  3. Your child has already told you himself that he doesn’t want long hair.

  4. Stop putting your needs and preferences above your child’s own.

  5. Personal opinion but there’s nothing worse than a little boy with long hair who is constantly being mistaken for a girl.

plentyofsunshine · 12/02/2026 13:27

I think YABU OP - you don't get more of a say in hairstyle just because he lives with you more.

In this, and in life in general, if you just give people what they want then you'll have a much more pleasant and peaceful life.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 12/02/2026 13:26

itsmeits · 12/02/2026 13:12

Dont be naive kids are cruel

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Definitely!

DappledThings · 12/02/2026 13:26

I'm calling reverse. I think OP is the parent who took him for the haircut. OP is too patently unreasonable otherwise.

JLou08 · 12/02/2026 13:26

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

That's awful. Not only are you completely dismissing that he's been bullied and going against his wishes for no good reason, you're angry at his dad for doing the right thing. You're the problem here.

Helprequiredagain · 12/02/2026 13:26

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Nope.

YABVU.

Dontcallmescarface · 12/02/2026 13:25

Why do you want him to have long hair? Do you secretly wish he was a girl or do you see it as"cool"? Either way your son is not an accessory, well done to his dad for treating your son as a person in his own right.

dadtoateen · 12/02/2026 13:25

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So your sons dad listened to what his son wants and got it done.

You are being VERY unreasonable.

It doesn't matter to be honest how YOU want your sons hair to be, even at the age of 5 he should be allowed to choose, he asked his dad and probably mentioned why so the dad got the job done

CombatBarbie · 12/02/2026 13:25

This is a good lesson for you to realise and teach your son about autonomy.

BashfulClam · 12/02/2026 13:24

I’m so on the ex’s side here. Poor little guy with his mum not listening to his wishes. Shame on you OP!!!

ColdAsAWitches · 12/02/2026 13:24

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Not more than your son does! And certainly not when you're aware that bullying could be a problem. It doesn't stop existing just because you want it to.

You're lucky your son has a parent that listens to him.

Livpool · 12/02/2026 13:23

YABU - your son’s preference is what matters

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/02/2026 13:23

YABU

It should be your son’s choice how he has his hair.

IvyNeighbour · 12/02/2026 13:22

Your son isn't a toy to dress up. YABVU to make him have a haircut he doesn't like.

I coparent and we would usually mention a change in hairstyle before a haircut however if DS's other parent wanted to force him to have a hairstyle he didn't like I'd get it cut to DS's taste without discussing it.

You need to let your DS have input in his own identity and pick your battles with your ex.

purplecorkheart · 12/02/2026 13:22

So your ex put your son's wishes first rather than your preference of long hair. Good on him. You seem to want to put your desire over your son's wishes. He is a person in his own right and not a doll. And if you think that he is too young to experience bullying then you are very naive.

isthesolution · 12/02/2026 13:22

Not Something I’d be worried about. If the child is happy.

skippy67 · 12/02/2026 13:20

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Well, you don't.

x2boys · 12/02/2026 13:20

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

So why are you not listening too him?

TempestTost · 12/02/2026 13:19

It might not be bullying. Kids will say what they think at that age without much filter. But if your son preferred to cut it to have a more boyish cut that is completely fair.

Anyway, if your son said he wanted his hair cut good on your ex for taking him. You ought to have done so yourself.

More generally - you really cannot sweat stuff like this with co-parenting, it will be miserable for all.

saraclara · 12/02/2026 13:19

Thank goodness that your son has one parent who listens to him.

You could not be more unreasonable.