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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS’s dad cut his hair without asking me

344 replies

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 12:58

me and DS’s dad are separated. Never married. He works full time and has his son on the weekends.
we agreed a hair cut when DS started school and he paid. I told him how I wanted it to be and it turned out ok although I do prefer longer hair on him.
the cut was a mid length shaggy cut. I now want DS to grow his hair long again so I told ex’s partner I want it to be left to grow (me and ex communicate by email or I pass messages to his partner).
she dropped DS back last week and he’s cut his hair into a crew cut without asking me.

Am I right to feel annoyed that he should have asked me? DS is in first year of school.

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 14:02

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Nobody is too young to be bullied and if he doesn’t want it long for whatever reason then you should cut it. Why do you seem to think everyone else has to conform to your wishes and get upset when they don’t?

Sounds like your ex has your DS’s best interests at heart and you don’t

YourWildAmberSloth · 12/02/2026 14:02

Also, when your child tells you that someone is bullying them/hurting them/upsetting them, you need to wake up and pay attention. DS was bullied in nursery.

LifeisLemons · 12/02/2026 14:00

My teen son has long luscious hair and it’s gorgeous but when he first started growing it, I thought it looked untidy. I have a v short pixie cut and would love long hair but it looks crap on me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You have to let this go.

Thing is, you’re just discovering that as your DS starts to grow up, he’ll have his own opinions about his style and how he likes to dress, wear his hair etc. Whether he wants to conform or stand apart from the rest.

Regardless of what his dad thinks, you need to accept that your son is an individual and he’s not a toy to dress how you like.

NotMeAtAll · 12/02/2026 14:00

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

I'm glad he got his hair cut in that case.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 12/02/2026 14:00

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Marvellous.

Loveapineapplepizzame · 12/02/2026 14:00

Your son is old enough to decide how he wants his hair. If he wants it short then it’s not really your choice to make.

As a mother of a son who had long curly hair I completely understand you wanting to hold onto that, but there comes a time when having short hair is more in keeping with their lives - in this case school - where he has clearly had his hair length pointed out to him.

I had all of my son’s hair cut off when he started school - because as others have said - kids can be cruel. As much as I thought it was cute and adorable, he definitely would have been ribbed for it

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/02/2026 13:59

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Guess what you don't. Legally you both have equal say doesn't matter who has the child more. I don't agree that he's took the child for this haircut knowing how you feel without discussing it, however I don't agree with you telling him how your shared sons hair will be without actually discussing it either, he's treated you as you treat him by making a unilateral decision so both of you are in the wrong from a coparenting point of view. However Dad actually listened to what the child wanted, you didn't so thats you in the wrong on that one. Yabu.

dreichluver · 12/02/2026 13:58

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Kids can be bullied at 5. Trust me.

This isn't some power dynamic between you and your ex. Your son wanted it short. Get over it.

Mudflaps · 12/02/2026 13:58

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

You think your son is too young to be bullied while you bully him. He expressed his preference and you wanted to ignore it, thankfully his father is more inclined to listen to him.

MrsPerfect12 · 12/02/2026 13:58

YABU. The father is correct and has done as his son wishes - as he should.
Shame on you allowing your child to be picked on because it’s what you want. Give yourself a shake. Poor boy.

ilovepixie · 12/02/2026 13:58

BashfulClam · 12/02/2026 13:12

Your sone told you he wanted shorter hair and you ignored him. He told his Dad who actually listened and took appropriate action. Why did you force your son to have a style he didn’t like just because of your preference? It’s up to him.

This

LadyDanburysHat · 12/02/2026 13:57

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

The only person who should have a say in how his hair is, is your son. His Father is clearly the better parent.

Tiswa · 12/02/2026 13:56

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Than how he wants it?

Nope unless it is a ridiculous ask even at 5 he gets autonomy not you

if he asked your ex fo a haircut and it was done how he wanted it to be absolutely fine

YourWildAmberSloth · 12/02/2026 13:56

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Then his dad did the right thing.

Emotionalsupporttissue · 12/02/2026 13:54

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

Nope

Bilbobagginsbollox · 12/02/2026 13:54

In that case you are being massively unreasonable. At least he has one parent who listens to him.

trikonasanallama · 12/02/2026 13:52

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Wow

namechangetheworld · 12/02/2026 13:52

YABU. Do you ask your ex for permission every time you get your sons hair cut?

He's his parent too.

HPFA · 12/02/2026 13:51

DappledThings · 12/02/2026 13:26

I'm calling reverse. I think OP is the parent who took him for the haircut. OP is too patently unreasonable otherwise.

My thought too.

boxofbuttons · 12/02/2026 13:51

YABU, sorry. Both because your son said he wanted short hair, and because I don't think either parent should have to ask 'permission' of the other to get his hair cut regardless of who he spends more time with.

(Obviously if he was dying it or getting it cut in a style your son actively didn't want that's different, I'd expect a conversation. But a haircut he wants? Not something he needed to ask you, IMO. The boy wanted his hair cutting, his dad got it cut.)

NoYourNameChanged · 12/02/2026 13:50

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

Oh Right, well fuck how your son feels about his own hair, as long as you get what you want and get to ‘win’ over your ex I guess.

shhblackbag · 12/02/2026 13:49

grumpygrape · 12/02/2026 13:34

Your son is already being bullied, by you.

You are trying to impose on him a hair style he doesn't want. That is bullying.

Show quote history

You should reflect on this.

shhblackbag · 12/02/2026 13:48

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:06

He’s said he doesn’t like the long hair as people at school say he looks like a girl. But I thought he’s too young to be bullied in all honesty.

That's not true though, sadly. Listen to him.

HoppingPavlova · 12/02/2026 13:48

YABVU. Your son doesn’t want the long hair you want him to have, so his dad took him to get it cut. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with either parent taking the child for a haircut irrespective, as long as it aligns with what the child wants. Seems dad listens but mum does not, and the child will likely gravitate more towards a parent that listens to them.

SecretNameAsImShy · 12/02/2026 13:47

Minimelanie · 12/02/2026 13:12

Because I have my son most of the time I feel that I have more of a say in how he should have his hair

OMG, can you hear yourself? Your son, even at 5 yo, should decide how he wants his hair!

YABVVVU