To ask friend how she will repay

She’s trying to shut you down; you may as well give her the details of how much she owes you in writing and ask for her repayment plan again.
I doubt you’ll see it returned or remain friends but hopefully that means you don’t see her splurge on holidays etc. I agree it’s best not to lend money in the first place, never lend her money again.

I agree with this. The first issue was lending money with no clear plan of how/when you would get it back. That’s no help to anyone. To come along “years” after and start asking about payment, to her it’s out of the blue and was always going to be problematic. Because it has been so long, I assume you aren’t missing the money and it’s about some kind of principle, that would be an issue for me. If I had a friend who was on their uppers, the money would be a gift.

She might be a MN favourite “CF” or, she might now feel embarrassed and upset about a “friend” doing this out of the blue. Your choice is to either accept you won’t get it back and possibly retain the friendship, or keep insisting she pays it back and end the friendship. Neither of you will see the other in the same way again.

OP has made a mistake becuase she obviously wanted the money back and we are waiting for OP to reply to get the full story, did she make it clear it was a loan?

You were obviously in a position to “gift” a friend money - this is not the same scenario so your angle doesn’t work here

The trouble is, if you have loaned her this money with nothing in writing (email/Whatsapp) to indicate that the money is a loan.....you're going to have to rely on her goodwill and morals to repay it

If she THOUGHT it was a gift or is CHOOSING to think that it was a gift and there's nothing in writing to prove that it was a loan, then she doesn't have to pay it back unless she finds her moral compass

If I’d given money to a friend when they were down, I’d never come out of the woodwork demanding it back as soon as they got both feet back on stable ground.

This is the thing isn't it. Never loan money to a friend that you can't afford to write off.

However, we are where we are. @BigMommasHouse it rather depends how much money we're talking about and how badly you need it back. Can you afford to write it off? And if you do, would you still want to continue the friendship? Or you can keep asking, perhaps ask her to repay you a small amount (£20?) a month?

You don't need to cut her off. I suspect she will be cutting you off very very soon.

She might well feel guilty about it, but she doesn't WANT to pay you back. So even if she does it will be with very bad grace and a sense of heavy obligation ("you MADE me pay it back"). So I suspect she will break your relationship, possibly sooner rather than later (ie, before paying anything back).

Exactly how much in total have you loaned to her? Could you break it into monthly installments?

Ive learnt to not loan money out unless Im happy to never see it again. Lent a significant amount of money to a friend, she said it would be paid back in full the following month, it wasn’t. Took literally months of asking and in the meantime our circumstances changed and we really needed it. I actually had to go into debt myself until it was repaid. But she seemingly had enough money for ‘treats’ for herself

Being asked how you plan to pay money back you have borrowed should not be a surprise or an unexpected bill. OP didn't ask for all the money then and there.

She shouldn't have to, anyway. The friend should have paid back what she could now afford and made a plan for the rest. But she wasn't ever a friend, it seems.

"Come out of the woodwork"? Are you for real?!

It seems she thought you weren't expecting repayment. Now she knows you are, she can plan her future overtime to repay you.

I suggest you go back with a sensible suggested repayment plan - maybe split the debt over 12 equal monthly payments.

I would be telling her that she needs to pay you back the money you lent her instead if booking the holiday.

She is taking the piss out of you, OP.

She will not pay you back
Never had any intention to do so

I’m going to come at this from another angle.

I’ve lent money to friends before when they were struggling, but never expected it back.

It is hard being on your own. This may be the first time in a long time she’s been able to do anything for herself, and she’s been hit with an unexpected (for her) bill.

So much here depends on the circumstances:

• how much money?
• was it always explicitly stated, with timelines, that it was an official loan and not a gift?
• how much money has she come into? A months overtime allowing a weekend at Haven and some new cushions for the sitting room? Or a 2 week ski trip and a new car?

If I’d given money to a friend when they were down, I’d never come out of the woodwork demanding it back as soon as they got both feet back on stable ground.

She's a cheeky fucker not a friend. Take her to the small claims court to get the Monday back. If she can afford to go on holiday she can afford to pay you back something.

How cheeky! As others have said, she is not your friend.

The friendship is over
She is a CF. Booking holidays and buying crap when she owes you, then having the audacity to act all offended?
You won't see the money again. But at least you won't have to see her again neither.

So sorry OP. What a betrayal.

This

From her response, it's clear she has no intention of paying you back.

This will likely be the end of your friendship, sorry OP.

Of course you’re not unreasonable to expect her to pay you back.

Did you make it clear that it was a loan and not a gift? And how much was it?

It’s not acceptable for her to prioritise holidays and new carpets before paying you back. And from her response it sounds like she never had any intention of paying you back.

Never a borrower or a lender be…

I suspect you won’t see this money again and the friendship won’t last either. Unless it’s a significant amount, that you have evidence of being a loan with repayment intended, I think you will have to write it off as a lesson learned.

She never intended to pay you back. A user. Decide if you still want to be used/be her friend, because you're unlikely to see any of the money again.

I think you're very unlikely to get this money back, unless it's a very small amount that's fairly easily repayable. Only you can decide if you want to continue with the friendship or not, but certainly don't lend any more.

How much are we talking? Small amount - write the friendship off and call it a lesson. Large amount - push for it back she’s a CF.

And anyone with a job can ask employer for advance.

You can't expect to see a penny of this money back, @BigMommasHouse .

The issues that got her into debt with the institutions she owned money to, are the same issues which means she may struggle to repay you.

You were her safety net at times and this is to be lauded, but now I guess she doesn't want to reframe you as a creditor, which is exactly how she should be seeing you to keep the friendship.

I think for any of this to work, you would need her to start chipping away at it. £200 a year, £20 a month, whatever - but it needs to start now.