To ask friend how she will repay

And if she is not interested, and you have texts/bank statements as evidence, tell her you will have no choice but to go through the small claims court to reclaim it. She’s already put your friendship in jeopardy, so you aren’t losing anything.

I imagine that you had text exchanges discussing the money and if she uses the words “lend” or loan”, she clearly knew that they weren’t gifts.

I agree with PP’s to come up with a list of when/how much you lent her and say that you need to come up with a repayment plan. It’s great that she’s now out of financial difficulties, but if you didn’t give her the money, she needs to repay it.

So bloody annoying when the OP posts and then leaves and doesn't respond to any questions.....

She’s a CF who will be willing to fall out with you over this.
You’ve been a good friend (but a bit of a mug).
I’ll be amazed if you get a penny back.
You must speak to her again about a payment plan even if she acts all upset. If it was me I’d make sure I got my money back even if I had to kidnap the cat!!

By your friend's response, I'd say that she had no intention of paying you back! When you lent her the money, did you make it very very clear that you were lending her the money, and expected her to pay you back? Or did you assume she'd realise the money has been lent to her, and therefore she needed to repay it?

Only you know what arrangements you made with your friend and how you framed lending her the money.

If you did make it clear the money is a loan and it is to be repaid, then you need to speak to your friend properly about her repaying it. If your arrangements were a bit flakey, then it may be difficult for you to now say you want the money to be repaid.

Lending money to anyone is never a good idea, regardless how desperate someone is. Don't lend money, that you can't afford to lose. Sadly, I don't think you'll see a penny of the money, and I'd be questioning the friendship.

This.

I'm sorry to say this after the fact, but never lend, if you do, you need to assume it won't be repaid & regard it as a gift.

She has absolutely no intention of paying you back, thought you’d just let it go and is now playing the victim because you want your own money back.

Of course she’s a CF. When you owe someone money you always pay it back before you start splashing the cash on holidays and cars. She couldn’t tell Barclays or whoever they were cheeky to ask for their loan back so why is it any different?

I think this is a fair point. If your friend has been having a tough time, maybe - just maybe - she hasn’t been able to ‘treat’ herself for a long time. You are completely in the right of course and your friend is being thoughtless but maybe with hindsight she could have had her ‘moment’ and you could have gone back to her the next day with a message to the effect that you are pleased she is getting back on her feet and maybe we could agree a repayment plan over a glass of wine? If she doesn’t like this it is on her but the conversation, whatever the outcome one, needs to be had otherwise you are both going to resent each other anyway.

Agree with this. Whether gift or loan, it all sounds rather vague. I don’t see you getting the money back .

People who have no money/savings have spent every penny that has ever passed through their hands. This is what they will also do with your money.

If the bank won't lend them money then neither should you, they know something you don't.

YANBU. You need to say "Hi Friend, I am sorry that you were upset when I asked about you repaying me, it's just it looked like you had come into some money with all your spending, and I wondered when you would be able to repay me. I did make it clear it was a loan not a gift. The total is X amount, shall we say £100 a month? << insert accurate figure.

Whilst I understand it’s not been made clear if the money was given or loaned my comment is based from the lenders point of view who knew she was loaning the money and not gifting it

Over the last few years, is still years ago. If I lent someone £100 quid 3 years ago and said absolutely nothing about it since, it would be unreasonable for me to ask when I was getting it back.

Total CF of the first order, sorry OP. I think she didn't think she'd have to pay it back tbh. If you do someone a favour by lending them something YOU shouldn't have to be the one following it up.

Don't make things up to make OP sound unreasonable and you more saintly than you think you are. She didn't say "YEARS ago" she said "over the last few years", which sounds more like a continuing issue.

And there's nothing "proud" about friends who take money from you without ever intending to pay it back but won't allow you to call it the gift that it is.

OP, I wouldn't give up hope. I reckon the same attitude to money that got her into trouble in the first place is what caused her shocked reaction to you. She automatically thinks money is to spend (hence holiday, furnishings) not to save, bank or pay back. Try her again and just say that you had earmarked that money for various things and would like her to pay you back - in regular instalments if she can't do it all at once. If she demurs, say you'd rather not have to go for a CCJ.

£100 just leave it and decide if you want to be friends or not

anything more

tell her a weekly or monthly pay off please. If yes still decide if you want to be friends with her and if not sack her off immediately

Clearly a loan to be repaid when she could.

How was this communicated? Seems it was only clear to you, and she understood that as you haven't asked for your money for several years now, she can consider it a gift.

You will never see the money sorry. There will be excuse after excuse. So I would cut your losses you're better off without this so called friend

The friendship has been on her terms and now appears offended to put you off from asking for it back. Backlash as such. Dont apologise for asking for it back, give long quiet pauses to allow her to deal with the silence in conversations. Dont listen to excuses or sob story...just say " that may be so but a loan is a loan" What a CF she is.

This exact same question crops up time and again

People who expect something for nothing are also the sort that often end up in financial trouble - people who ask for a loan are the sort you should be least likely to lend to

I would say the money and friendship are lost

How can she think OP gave her the money unless OP expressly said "It's a present, I don't expect to be paid back"? She chooses to say that is what she thought, but I doubt she ever really did.

Most people would prioritise paying back friends, and indeed would certainly do that with spare money before booking a holiday. She is simply a CF and it needs to be made clear to her that she is not going to get away with it. I think my response would be along the lines of "Nice try, but you're not shocked, are you? You always knew this was a loan. I'm only asking you for a realistic repayment plan, if you let me know by Saturday that will be fine."

Cheeky fucker had no intention to pay it back. The cheek of her to imply you had done something wrong by asking. Needing to go for a walk, didn't want an argument!!
Guess she can't afford that holiday anymore.

Your money was a gift. The gift kept on giving. Everyone on MN knows this and you should never expect it to be paid back without something legal written down which makes you look like a CF. In short your money has gone.

OP I don't think you were unreasonable to want your money back or to ask for it. I do think you were unreasonable to lend it in the first place and expect to get it back. Sorry but there you go.