To ask friend how she will repay

How much does the cheeky fucker owe you?

She’s booked a holiday and not thought to pay you back at least some of your money? 😳

Anyone in her position who starts getting cash in is not going to be sensible. She’s going to spend it using the same patterns that got her into this mess.
She already knows this which is why she reacted the way she did. It’s like the kid left in the room with chocolate cake on their own. They are will scoff the lot, then deny.
Very soon she’s going to need to start borrowing again.
Make sure it’s not from you.
I have never known anyone in this type of story pay the cash back. It’s why they are in debt. Other money whether it’s from credit cards or friends is free money.
Any money they get is for them.

Message her to say how happy you are to see her making changes, and now she can afford luxuries again, it would be kind of her to repay some of the money you went without to help her. Add it up, and suggest a payment plan that she can stick to. If she kicks off, she's a CF.

I want to know who the 4% are that think you’re unreasonable

She certainly has her priorities all wrong and has taken you for a right mug 😞

It’s why I don’t lend money I’m hoping to have back. I will give it if I can afford to, the person is close enough to me & they’re not taking the piss. That aside your mate is taking the piss. She’s not financially better off if she still owes people money. The talk of holidays shouldn’t even be on her radar until she’s paid you back. You haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe, the timing in asking was off, but without her bringing it up first is there ever a good time. I think you’re about to realise the real value of this friendship. You might have to choose the money or her friendship

as pp have said give her a day or so to calm down and then ask (by text so you get a written response) for a repayment plan, if you are feeling generous you could say you don't need it paying off in full all at once and suggest a period which is acceptable to you - eg £50 pcm over 2 years, reminding her that this is interest free.

If this fails, you could always print out this thread and show it to her

I asked her today what the plan was to pay back some of this money. She made me feel like I was a bad person to ask saying that it was a terrible shock and she would have to go for a walk, didn’t want to fall out etc. I haven’t demanded the money back just asked for a plan or a picture of when I would be repaid. Made it clear that I didn’t want all the money at once.

You already knew it was going to go this way when she was buying lots of 'wants' and planning a holiday ... whilst owing you money that went unmentioned.

stand firm. She thinks she'll guilt you into not pursuing the money she owes you. Don't let her. Suggest a payment plan firmly, in writing, so you have a record.

Tbh all you can say to her is well, if you think me wanting you to pay back money you borrowed from me is unreasonable then I dont know what to say to you.

Then leave it. You likely won't get your money back and its probably best to chalk it up to experience and end the friendship.

This cheeky fucker sounds like my bil. Don't lend money.

This.
You have been used.

Shes a CF.

This is why you don’t lend anyone money and actual friends wouldn’t take it anyway 🤷‍♀️

Her reaction absolutely stinks of somebody who has never intended to pay you back. Even if she was blindsided by your very sensible and low key request, her first instinct is to act like she's a victim and you're a terrible person for you even bringing this up.

I would give her a little time to come round, but if she doesn't apologise for her first response quickly I would probably respond something along the lines of:

What do you mean you don't want to fall out? I leant you money when you needed it. Now you're back on your feet financially and I've asked what your plan is to repay it? And rather than thinking 'Oh yeah! I can start paying BigMommasHouse back now, brilliant! I'll come up with a schedule.' you think wow, she wants her money back, I don't think I like her any more?

She really needs a wake up call. You can't stay friends with her if she doesn't turn this around. Be very direct. Make it clear you are hurt. And if she doesn't come around issue a letter before action.

There is nothing wrong with lending good friends money if you can afford it. Most loans are paid back and people are grateful and often much better off because of it. But it does risk this sort of scenario and shows up some people you might have thought were better than are.

You're not going to get a penny back unfortunately.

Have you kept a record of when and how much?
Guessing you didn't agree a repayment plan.

You’re not unreasonable but it sounds like she had no plan to repay..,

I would be looking at a small claims court, your not getting that money back otherwise.

You were there for her when nobody else was and this is how she wants to repay you, by not repaying you at all.

That would be the friendship for me.

I disagree @BoredZelda. My FIL lent my SIL $30K. He didn’t nag her about repayment, but it was a loan that he documented in writing. She repaid him eight years later when she had the money.

A loan is a loan. 🤷

Great, but I disagree with both of your points

Jesus Christ

If you have evidence that it was a loan you can claim it back through the small claims court. Keep all your communication in writing from now on.

What you are looking for is, acknowledgement that it was a loan not a gift and evidence of her reluctance to pay it back or even to engage in negotiations.

So you could say something like, 'Even though it was a loan, I haven't expected you to pay it back immediately or in full, I just wanted to understand your plans going forward' or something like that.

Whatever she replies, as long as she doesn't say she thought it was a gift, you will have statements that support your case.

SO annoying.