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Original poster

To ask friend how she will repay

232 replies

BigMommasHouse · 12/02/2026 12:19

I have just been made to feel like a bad person!

over the last few years my friend has had a bad time with employment/relationships etc and got in to a bit of a debt hole with utilities bills, council tax etc. They have addressed this and put a lot of debt on Step Change.

There have been times when she has had no money for food, car insurance (to get to work) vets bills for her cat etc. she has no family and literally had no other options. I lent her money over the last few years when she was absolutely desperate. Clearly a loan to be repaid when she could.

Today she told me she has done a load of overtime and has enough money to go on a holiday.

She has also been buying a lot of stuff like new carpets and house plants and other non essential stuff.

I asked her today what the plan was to pay back some of this money. She made me feel like I was a bad person to ask saying that it was a terrible shock and she would have to go for a walk, didn’t want to fall out etc. I haven’t demanded the money back just asked for a plan or a picture of when I would be repaid. Made it clear that I didn’t want all the money at once.

I realise that lending money is a mine field but I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing for a friend who was at rock bottom.

Any advice on how to navigate this would be much appreciated

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 12/02/2026 12:29

How large a sum was it, that you lent her? How did you frame the loan, when you gave her the money?

Stickytoffeetartt · 12/02/2026 12:29

Omg she obviously thinks that you have gifted her this money, it doesn't sound like she has any intention of paying it back. She's a Cf. I would definitely not give her anymore money, you have no comeback unfortunately. Maybe tell her that your circumstances have changed and you need to start getting it back in instalments. Good luck

Manchestergal003 · 12/02/2026 12:28

You’ve made a huge mistake by letting her borrow money. Are you able to tell us how much? Are we talking a couple hundred or worse. If it’s a smaller amount I’d expect that paid first in one go before she books a holiday.

Never lend to someone in a terrible situation, because you’re almost guaranteed not to get it back. I bet you didn’t do a contract? You’ve tried to be kind but it has back fired.

Can you explain more “clearly a loan to be repaid” was it clear or did you just assume. Did you say you owe me this back. Or just assume she would.

You don’t have much of a leg to stand on if you don’t have evidence that it was a loan in writing.

She isn’t a friend.

If I was you I’d message her and say that you’ve been there for her and helped when can but now she is out the other side you do expect the money to be repaid.

ChalkOrCheese · 12/02/2026 12:28

I'd give her a few days to calm down but tbh it smacks of her having no intention to repay. That would piss me off to the extent I'd be looking at what evidence I had to lodge a small claims court case but fuck her. Stupid cow for not keeping it to herself.

cestlavielife · 12/02/2026 12:28

Never lend money like this unless you can afford for it not to be paid back.
Cut your friend and assume you will never see the money again

ThatCyanCat · 12/02/2026 12:27

How much have you lent her? Not that it matters, she should repay.

SendTheNextOneIn · 12/02/2026 12:26

How much have you loaned her over the years (and how long has this been going on?)

Do you have any agreements from her in writing confirming that the money would be paid back?

I’d certainly not be lending her a penny more.