"I'm failing in my duty as a middle class parent by not making DC play an instrument"

The higher music grades are worth UCAS points, so they do have a direct impact on university applications.

And yes, there are different ways to gain the same skills, but music is a great way to combine so many things (academic, motor, social/emotional) - whether you are playing Mozart or Taylor Swift - I actually can’t think of another common kids extracurricular that ticks so many boxes in one, but willing to be corrected.

Agree that discipline and resilience are positive qualities to have. But you can develop those skills in a whole host of ways, not just by learning a musical instrument.

Do agree there's a Jane Austen throwback to it, that nice middle class girls and boys don't do things like football or musical theatre, they do something worthy like murdering Mozart pieces on a violin or flute.

I didn't force mine but offered the option at primary school- one said yes, showed very little interest for about five years but plodded on with it, then had an explosion of interest and is off to study music at university. One said no, but later at secondary school decided to have lessons.
So I would never force a child to learn an instrument but I would be gently encouraging, they have both gained so much from their various music groups, music trips, productions etc although it has cost a fortune one way and another.

I think music lessons - on the right instrument for the child - have massive benefits and have the potential to be enjoyable for all children.

Not just because most people love music of some kind, but also because of the skills that mastering an instrument teaches - in discipline, focus, creativity, resilience, performance practice, and listening, teamwork etc. Particularly for very bright kids who find schoolwork easy, it’s a great way to teach them perseverance.

All children should be given the opportunity to learn an instrument that appeals to them (not just default piano, which is difficult and lonely and slow to make progress in). Obviously if they hate it they shouldn’t be forced to continue, but for my children it is more like learning to read or learning to swim - a life skill.

You sound very defensive OP - of course you don’t have to give your child any particular opportunity, but if they don’t try it you won’t know whether or not they will like it.

Do universities even CARE? I mean. Here's an application from Thomas or Sophie who is applying for Accounting, or Engineering. Something entirely unrelated to music. We absolutely must give him/her a place because they can play the trombone to grade 567! Seriously.

Also this idea that you are not "developing your brain" if you are not playing a musical instrument.

It's true that universities don't care about grade 8 viola. But the qualities that helped the child achieve the grade 8, such as discipline and resilience, will be much more useful to them in future life than kids who spent that time playing on their phones.

What’s all this “forcing”? Surely we - to the extent we can afford to in terms of time and resources - expose our kids to a wide variety of things, including activities they don’t actively ask for as they don’t fully grasp what’s involved yet. some things they take to, some they don’t. But giving them a varied set of opportunities, exposures and experiences isn’t “forcing”. Remarkable number of times the word force appears in the OP.

Ours had to play an instrument through the end of primary. After that it was up to them. We didn’t care which instrument but they had to pick one just for the brain development.

I come from a family with a great interest in music and where learning instruments as children was seen as an enjoyable and natural thing to do. And I've always been an advocate of all children who want to learn musical instruments having free access to the opportunity to do so.

So to me it's quite sad to think that a child has no interest in learning to play an instrument. But I see absolutely no point in making a child who has no interest take up a musical instrument: no pleasure for the child, frustrating for the teacher, and annoying for the parent having to insist on practice all the time.

I have two children who play an instrument and play a team sport at a high level so it doesn’t have to be either/or.
Having said that, if they have no interest whatsoever then it’s pointless as they won’t practice and therefore wont progress anyway.

I have just picked up piano again as an adult and I'm really loving it. I think it's good for sporty people to have additional hobbies they can do when they are inevitably injured 🤣

I think my mum got the balance right, she encouraged us to try instrument(s) and if we committed we had to finish the term, but she didn't force us to keep going if we didn't enjoy it. I did a few grades but didn't really enjoy them. My brother dabbled a bit in guitar but wasn't too keen really so gave up.

I can assure you that, unless actually studying music, universities have precisely zero interest in your grade eight viola.

Shit, I’d forgotten about the rats. Better get the kids signed up.

No of course you should not "force" them.

If they are keen, it is a great thing to do.

My 3 DDs all learned instruments to a high standard, had talent and found it hugely rewarding.

You could float the idea but if they show no inclination, just leave it.

If they develop an interest later, it can be reconsidered then

If there's ever a plague of rats to entice away from the village, they'll be in demand!

Yes, middle class kids are pushed to play instruments whether they are interested or not.

It's part of the idea that they need to be "well rounded" to get into good schools and universities.

I am a musician, I think it’s a great skill to have if you have an actual interest in it!

I think a lot of kids are pushed into it and I agree that playing classical pieces you have zero passion for can be soul destroying! Playing music is a joy, IF you are playing music that really speaks to you.

Becoming a proficient musician takes a LOT of time, practice and dedication which is something that most young kids just don’t have the patience for and it’s supposed to be fun and enjoyable.

perhaps revisit it when they’re older. But if it’s not their passion that’s completely fair enough. Just ignore the other parents. People are always trying to get one up on each other these days.

Ths option was there they didnt take it up, I dont parent by social media or what friends think

Mine didn't. I had to and loathed it

There are many good reasons to play an instrument for brain development and learning discipline blah blah blah. However I can tell you as a piano teacher that I have no interest in teaching kids just because that's what you do as a middle class kid.
I could feel guilty that my kids don't do sport but we're a musical family not sporty. Ignore your friend!

The obsession with instruments feels a bit of a Jane Austen relic where this is how accomplished ladies filled their days, and showed how accomplished they were. If they enjoy it and it gives them social opportunities like playing in an orchestra, brilliant, if they have no interest then I really cannot see how it is a problem.

The only instrument that brings many social advantages is the guitar, it can be used to impress the opposite sex or lead friends in drunken singalongs. If you tell them that maybe they’ll be interested.

YABU for using the word "forcing" so many times in your OP. You don't need to force him, just let him try and see how he gets on.

I agree with this.

OP, you said they don't have much interest in music, but how much exposure have they had to different instruments? If it's never been introduced as an option then it's unlikely they will show an interest. 🤷‍♀️

DD does play two instruments - she consistently asked for lessons. She's good at it (over grade 5 on both). It's still an enormous effort to get her to practise, and I regularly check with her that this is something she wants to do. There is no way I would be forcing her - it would be torture for both of us.

My eldest won’t join any clubs of any sort, it’s a shame but you can only give them options. I don’t believe in forcing them to do activities