"I'm failing in my duty as a middle class parent by not making DC play an instrument"

230 replies

ToothSmush · 12/02/2026 08:06

This is what a friend said to me (in jest, but it has hit a nerve), when I said that the DC don't get any music lessons.

AIBU to not force the DC into playing an instrument?

This friend has different DC playing flute, guitar, drums etc and expressed suprise when I said I was being led by my DC. They haven't shown much interest in music but are mad keen on football so that is their main extra curricular activity.

Is it true that most middle class parents gently force their DC to play an instrument because of all the social advantages it brings?

Part of this is because I was forced to play the piano as a child, only doing grades - and hated having to play the same classical pieces for months at a time. I gave up as a teen, but ironically I have rediscovered the joy of the piano in middle age and now love trying to play music that I l actually like! I can only do this because I learnt the basics as a child.

So maybe I'm doing the DC a disservice by not forcing them?

OP posts:

ToriMounj · 12/02/2026 08:14

What social advantages does playing the flute bring? Absolutely fuck all 😂

YourSassyPanda · 12/02/2026 08:13

I am failing with you but we aren’t very musical as a family and prefer sports so do a lot of those instead. DC1 is a drama bod so has to sing sometimes, perhaps his voice could be considered an instrument?

LesserSootyOwl · 12/02/2026 08:11

I have two DC who play instruments and get a lot of enjoyment from it and one who tried and didn't like it. Mine all play team sports as well so it doesn't need to be either/or.

YABU for using the word "forcing" so many times in your OP. You don't need to force him, just let him try and see how he gets on.

Clearinguptheclutter · 12/02/2026 08:11

Blimey I am a huge supporter of music and think that not enough children are given the opportunity to play- when I was at school everyone had the opportunity learn for free

but no you’re not doing a disservice to your kids if they show no interest.
both of mine did and do play but I’d say 10% of their peers at best play an instrument - this is a leafy MC area (up north)

you would be doing them a disservice if you didn’t let them do the hobbies they wanted to pursue, unless of course you couldn’t afford it or it wasn’t practical

TheGoddessAthena · 12/02/2026 08:10

I haven't been told this in direct terms, but have had people express similar sentiments over the years about my kids, none of whom have any interest/talent in music.

What instrument are they learning?
Oh music is SO important for life skills / university / social skills / self-discipline
We are such a musical family! (tinkly laugh)
Don't you feel they have such a gap in their learning?

etc etc etc. There is a real snobbery in some people around music, in a way there isn't with other extra-curriculars like drama or sport.

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