"I'm failing in my duty as a middle class parent by not making DC play an instrument"

Yes.
And yes.

He hated golf and didn't like tennis.
He's a good lad and I'm proud of him! He knows that's good and what's shite.

DDs chapel choir only rehearse on the morning of the service. They receive the music on a Friday and off they go on the Sunday. Only once a month though.

I play an instrument and my kids don’t and I feel like I’ve failed them abit. But I also think it’s something you can pick up later in life. I didn’t start till my teens and play for fun/at parties/camping etc. Music lessons feel a bit like swimming lessons- there is a huge normalisation of sending your kids to swimming lessons for years and years but my kids just learn how to swim by mucking about in a pool with me

What I would say is that plenty of people take up a musical instrument or singing in adulthood and get loads of enjoyment from it. It's not the case that yiu have one chance to ever play an instrument... you have your whole life.

DD has a sporadic attitude to choir rehearsals and definitely needs to be able to sight sing, or she'd be out on her ear.

DD sight sings in her choir. Learning to read music is never a negative. She’s perfectly capable of listening. Like most things, you need to practice and often dc won’t. They give up.

I don’t think this is the case 90% of the time. Unless you want to specialize in western classical music at a high level. Or you want to be able to take out new scores of music and sight sing them in a group without knowing the song already (when is the score more accessible than the sound, and a group can not look at a score together nearly as easily as listen to a track together - so that never happens!)

in fact learning to read scores assiduously often suppresses your ability to truly listen, pick things up by ear, and hear the harmonies around you, or to improvise. It’s also a totally useless skill for any music beyond written traditions, which rely on ear, memory, improvisation.

I say this as someone highly trained to read music, who has never used this skill once since it stopped being my profession. By contrast, I can’t count the number of times I’ve wished I had the skills to join a good natured, improvised jamboree at some social event.

Golf is just shit.
Tennis is awful.

But is that your opinion or your DC’s?
You might have different preferences around sport.

Haven't read the full thread sorry.

I work in music education. My organisation (a very traditional and academic one) has been delivering music education including instrument tuition for years and years all over the country. We do not believe that every child should learn an instrument and that is not an objective of our work. We do believe that all children should have regular music making opportunities but this includes clapping, dancing, singing and digital music. Children who want to learn an instrument should be supported of course.

And learning an instrument should not be 'middle class' FFS.

CBSO Shireland is a state school run by Birmingham Symphony Orchestra opened a few years back. Its policy IS to ensure every pupil learns an instrument but I think they might be rowing back on that because it's not necessarily useful or achievable.

Well they don't do grades in DSs instrument
Golf is just shit.
Tennis is awful.
And we don't ski and as much as I'd love to, we aren't organised enough to arrange to go because we are too busy with other activities. Also I'm shit at falling over. Maybe next year.

I was once told by someone involved with University admissions that if an applicant could play the Cello they were in! Same for Viola as the orchestra was short of players.
Don't take any notice of anyone who said playing an instrument doesn't count!
(quite apart from what it indicates about a child's ability to learn).

Of course it's no good forcing a child to do it if they don't want to. You had an unfortunate experience as a child but many children are keen to learn - you do need to find a teacher with the right approach. Piano teachers work in isolation and there are plenty of bad piano teachers about! Maybe better to approach the local Music Centre if you did want to find musical opportunities for your child (but of course it will cost).

I played cello throughout junior and first year of secondary. The lessons and cello hire were both free through the school. I gave up only because I was the last student still playing and didn’t want to be seen walking around with a huge instrument on my back.
I never really felt it gave me any kind of advantage other than being able to read music and felt horribly guilty for quitting.
my children were not interested in learning anything. One tried cello for a term and begged me to let her stop and my youngest just said no to everything.
However, when my youngest was picking GCSEs she chose music and the school offered to arrange piano lessons during school hours. She absolutely loved them and within a year was playing grade 5 pieces.
Rather than helping her academically, it’s been incredible for her mental health and seen her through some tough and lonely times. I’m actually glad I didn’t push her to play an instrument when she was younger as I don’t think she would have appreciated it the way she does now. It’s very much her thing and has nothing to do with me other than to just listen when she wants me to. I don’t nag her to practice or push her to take exams. I’ve never met her piano teacher or seen her play on an actual piano, just her keyboard at home.

Definitely both!

I do not have it in me to make my child practice an instrument. I introduced DS to the guitar when he was in primary - it completely fizzled out. When he went to secondary, he had a great Music teacher, asked to have piano lessons, and is now doing A-level Music and has an offer plus scholarship to study Music somewhere great. All his own doing. I honestly think if they love music it will come out one way or the other.

You forgot sailing. They must all get their level 4 RYA certificate.

I’ve just passed a grade in an instrument and it was boring as fuck. Played the same stuff over and over for a year. Hasn’t put me off but I won’t do another grade again for a while. I can well imagine it putting off a lot of kids in the end.

One of mine does quite literally have grade 6 tuba. Does that make me a winner, or just a person in need of a bigger car?

DD has friends singing at her wedding. So you can get asked!

Two of mine did and two didn't. Not sure if that means I half did my duty.

There is no duty to arrange instrument lessons for middle-class children, let alone force them. I started to play the violin but stopped when my otherwise exemplary dad made 'jokey' remarks about the noise I was making. My DD was very enthusiastic about joining a choir at 7. I supported her and that led to various instrument lessons, Saturday music academy; and music A level.

Please don't force them. They will hate it. If they want go do it, they will love it. And no-one in the future is going to ask them in a drawing room 'Do play for us, Miss Broadbottom. Our instrument is one of the finest in the country.'

@Blueeberry Singing is enhanced by being able to read music though. It’s such a great skill to have.

As a former child who was very musical I would love to have a child who is. My oldest 2 weren’t that interested, so we tried but let it fall by the wayside. The youngest one is still at an age where she’s just starting to have lessons and I hope she’ll take to it, but I wouldn’t force it if she turns out to be not very into it.

I think with any activity like music, sport or whatever it’s a careful balance between encouraging persistence to the point where they can start to feel proud of improvement (which often encourages further effort), and recognising if it’s just not their thing. Kids do need to learn about commitment and effort, but without being forced to do something they really aren’t bothered about.

One of my children took to ice skating when she was 6. For several months I had to rise at 5am on weekends to take her to the rink for training. I remember asking the coach how you could tell if your kid was really into it or not and she said: you’ll know. If they don’t want to get up every week then they’re not sufficiently into it. Same thing with gymnastics do my youngest. The older one stopped ice skating but the younger one is still keen for gymnastics.

All good middle class children must:

learn an instrument (or two) and get their grade 8
learn to play golf
learn to play tennis
and ski

Learning an instrument is good for you though - music and maths often go together and I think everyone should do music at school to at least 14 as well (though not be forced to do composing for GCSE music which was horrible).

HRTWT
i do think that if you don’t have all of your DC at at least Grade 6 in the tuba you are a fucking loser