Sorry - **work!!!
Hi all, I just need to check if I’m being unreasonable
My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up. The last few years we’ve spent her birthday abroad.
A few weeks ago, she told me she wasn’t fussed about doing anything this year and that it wasn’t a big deal - it’s not a big birthday.
At work, my leave runs from January to December and I’m not sure how much leave I’ll need this year, so I wasn’t planning around her birthday specifically. She has the day off.
She mentioned another work colleague has the week off and this friend had suggested they go for lunch on her birthday.
Since she often says she doesn’t have many friends, I thought it might be nice for her to see someone different. I also said we could celebrate her birthday together the next day (Saturday)
But tonight she asked me again if I’m booking it off. I was confused and she got upset because I didn’t seem to want to book the day off. She cried a little and seemed to feel lonely and insecure. She also said she felt like a “sad case” for not having many friends while I socialise a lot.
I said it wasn’t about not wanting to, and I got frustrated because she wasn’t fully honest about her feelings in the moment (she said it was fine the other day?) she says she was trying, but her brain gets tangled between feelings and “shoulds.” (As in she’s worried that it’s not normal to work your partners birthday, or it means I don’t love her). I told her she should trust me and that I’d never be phased by her working on my birthday.
Now she seems to feel hurt or like I don’t care about her birthday. But I genuinely want her to feel valued and happy… I even got excited when she mentioned her colleague wanted to do something for her. I just want her to see that people care about her, and I suggested the friend option in that spirit.
AIBU for thinking it’s okay for her to spend her birthday with a friend and that I don’t have to take the day off, when I’m already planning to celebrate with her on Saturday?