Gf’s birthday - she seems hurt that I might wor

I can see why she might not have many friends. People like this can be rather hard work.

Sounds like she is someone who wants her partner to book the day off. Personally I rarely even take my own bday off. I will next year for the big one, but a regular bday, nothing different to a normal day for me.

This!
this isn’t normal behaviour for a 27 year old! The world doesn’t stop for a birthday especially when you’re an adult and it’s not a significant birthday!

Is there a back story in terms of her mental abilities or mental health? Without that it is a concerning way to behave, she seems to not understand social norms, not have any friends, be overly reliant on you, not in control of her emotions, be very needy, focused on her self and unable to communicate properly.

if I’m brutally honest, I’d have the real ick if my husband behaved like that, but I am aware she may be unwell ie depression, anxiety etc or have some limitations.

id advise you to not pander to it, but speak to her and try to reassure her, force her to try to get out of her comfort zone, which appears to be solely you.

Most people don’t take off their partners birthday? They do something on the weekend.

I usually take of mine and either spend it with my parents as ours are all around the same time or I go to the thermal spa alone and out for dinner in the evening.

she’s being a bit silly, but sometimes birthdays can stir up illogical feelings. Let’s her vent and the calmly remind her you are doing something together and you cannot take it off.

Even if she had of said she’d like you to take the day off and you didn’t you still wouldn’t be unreasonable. Some people are a bit pathetic when it comes to birthdays and your gf sounds like one of those people

Tell her to grow up, good god sounds like your in a relationship with a child!

DP always takes my birthday off and I always take his off, we always do something together.

But that’s because we’ve always been clear that birthdays (to us) are special and an opportunity to celebrate. Even when I was single I would go out with family or friends etc.

What isn’t fair, is saying it’s okay to not take her birthday off and then being upset and sad about it and heaping that on you. For a relationship to be healthy you both need to say what you mean and do what you say. If those expectations aren’t communicated properly, you end up in a mess and the birthday won’t be the only or last thing.

If it was me and DP having this conversation I would just call it out. I did X because you said Y, now you’re saying Z and I don’t know what to do with that. Tell me what you want and/or need and I will see how I can meet you half way.

Half way might be working half the day, or planning a special breakfast or dinner.

That sounds frustrating and tedious. Is this a one off or par for the course?

Of course you're not being unreasonable to not book her birthday off work. If this is a one off, I would try to find out what's underpinning it - why is she suddenly insecure? But if it's normal, I would reconsider the whole relationship.

We've been married for 38 years and together for over 40. We've never taken each other's birthday off, in fact, never taken our own birthday off if it's a work day.

We also never had our now adult children stay home on their birthdays either.

That doesn't mean we don't make an effort for birthdays though. We had a weekend away with the whole family and their partners for the most recent big birthday and we all went on a cruise for one of mine, but none of these happened on the actual day. We celebrated on a non work day that suited us all.

She doesn't sound very mature and the sulking to get me to conform would give me the ick.

Is she 7 or 27? She sounds exhausting.

I assume you mean you don't know anyone who takes a day off work for their birthday or a partner's birthday?

I know some who do sometimes. Not many though.

I don't know any adult it work love or live around that takes a day off for a birthday lol very childish

Get out while you can. Life's too short to put up with that shit.

She sounds manipulative and toxic

She sounds exhausting. Is this really the person you want? A 27 year old crying because you’re working on her birthday, but planing a lovely day the next day.

Honestly, I couldn’t be bothered with that. She’d need to grow up or I’d be out.

Sounds a bit needy.

Couldnt be doing with this.

I hate people who set you up to fail. So she said she didnt want a fuss so when you didnt plan to make one, she turned on the waterworks and said it makes her wonder if you love her. So fucking manipulative, because whatever you had done it would have been wrong.

Rethink the relationship, go back....is this a pattern? I would bet that if you are really honest with yourself, it is. Even silly things like "I dont mind what we have for dinner, you choose" turns into "I didnt want Chinese, why did you order it?"

I assume her birthday might be a difficult day for her? Lots of special occasion sort of days are hard for me due to being estranged from my family and past trauma causing ptsd. My last three birthdays have been terrible as a result. I’m in my 50s and I don’t think I’m hard work like other posters are implying your gf is.

Over the last three birthdays I’ve had parent forget I had a big birthday, parent call and worry me sick all day as no idea where they are and have split from my step parent, other parent go on holiday on my birthday two years in a row and not call, a death on my birthday two year ago and three years ago a huge falling out with a friend, oh and a friend arranging to see me for my birthday and then changing their mind So it’s been trying and hard as all of that is on top of the stuff I’m already trying to cope with. I don’t even want to celebrate my birthday anymore.

all that aside my OH and I tend to do something on either both of our birthdays only a month apart or a week off for one and not the other depending on the age or occasion. We’ve holidayed on one birthday and so on. And we usually do something on the birthday weekend. last year we celebrated his more as with bank holidays we were able to have 18 days break together.

if your GFs birthday is a Friday then make her breakfast in bed before you go to work with a card and a gift and some money for her day out and then you cook a nice meal in the evening or a takeaway. Then she can see her friend during the day. Then have your day together on the Saturday. Sorry your GF is feeling a bit down.

I never took my birthday off in my whole life. I only worked 4 days a week so there were years when I didn't work anyway.

Except my 60th. I took it off and my husband took me for lunch. I'm still here.

(My dad took my mum to new York on Concorde for her 60th!! Somewhat jealous and he kept it a surprise until they got to the Concorde check in desk!)

Is she this immature generally? She sounds like hard work.

Good grief.

Is her birthday a touchy subject for her?

Personally I’ve never heard of taking the day off for a birthday unless there’s some big plan involved (ie dinner would have been fine for me) but i also recognise I’m really sensitive about my birthday and tend to place high expectations on my boyfriend… there’s context for it and I know it’s silly, maybe there’s something similar going on with her?

Saying that, getting upset after saying she didn’t want to do anything is not okay and sounds like she was trying to “test” you, which wouldn’t land well with me.

My partner and I always take the day off for each others birthday and go out for a nice lunch somewhere. But, if she's not communicated any plans with you or let you know what she fancies doing then she's being unreasonable.

She does sound like she's having a OTT wobbly about it. Is she normally like this or is something else going on?

Our birthdays are in late autumn so never the kind of days for doing stuff. Wouldn't occur to me to take the day off