My 6 yr old has attacked another child

There are no schools that I've ever taught in where the children all sit quietly and listen in a calm environment. 😂 How amazing would that be. I don't know how many classes you've taught with 5 & 6 year olds. The reality is we have 30 different children with varying personalities and needs all sitting (if we're lucky) infront of us. Children at this age without special needs can loose their temper, lash out, say unkind things, push, shove etc the list is endless. Every day we deal with something that's happened in the playground whether it's unkind words, leaving someone out, hitting their 'friend' etc. It's all part of learning, building resilience and navigating the world we live in. Should that child have been attacked, absolutely not but he has SEN and therefore has difficulties that others may find hard to understand. You can't just send your child to a SEN school. It is extremely difficult to get a place and it's for kids with more extreme needs than lashing out one time. Last year I had 3 ASD kids, 2 ADHD kids, a few others awaiting possible diagnosis in a class of 30. This is the reality. It's not the school's fault, it's not the children's fault and it's not the parent's fault. It's the extremely underfunded system that is crying out for more SEN places, better facilities and more training etc. It's frustrating for all involved especially the poor kids from every end of the spectrum.

Agreed, but assigning blame doesn’t help anyone. What children need is safe classrooms.

If you really want to get your child’s ECHP moving have you tried writing to your MP OP? Or a councillor? I am always surprised how quick a response I get when I contact local politicians.

I do feel for you but you need to remove your child if the school is not supportive and he is allowed to act this way. He needs a one to one to keep other kids safe and if they can’t provide that it’s not fair to him and the other kids who don’t go to school to be attacked x

Yes my child’s attacker would regularly get suspended, and although that did very little good in the long term for either party in the short term my child could go into school for a few days and know they were not going to be attacked which was amazing. I had my child back. But then the attacker would return and the anxiety would be through the roof again, and the kicks and punches would be back.

Could you help your son make a card to say sorry to the other boy? Could you take your son to choose a little toy for him, or could you bake cookies or something together to give to him as a gesture?

for the love of god, don’t do this. don’t bake cookies and expect it all to be okay.

Having been the ‘other mum’; you did the right thing in apologising. The mum of the SEN child who attacked my son didn’t ever apologise which made me even angrier.

Don’t push for a response though. The mum will be going through a range of emotions and I expect empathy for the attacking child may be one of them.

I do agree that the school has failed both children here but, ultimately, no child is at school to be the emotional or physical punchbag for anyone, SEN or not. The victim’s needs should take priority.

Bless you.
It's hard work and you sound like a lovely caring mum.

Does your Son recall the incident? Was he able to explain what happened or why?

I think at the very least, this will help the school to realise where he needs more support.
It's such a shame another child got hurt but unfortunately these things happen sometimes.
I think it was noble of you to apologise.

A child doesn’t have to be autistic to hurt another child

For posters saying this child should be in special school, are you saying children in special school don’t count if they get hurt

Let the school deal with it in school. As you’ve already contacted the mother, if she replies, I’d ask if I can buy the child a gift to apologise for the attack. There is nothing you can do only apologise.

I’ve seen your update. I think that’s a good decision to leave it now.

It was ok to send an apology text but no more. That would be intrusive and too self centred. Asking too much of the victim.

it sounds like you are trying really hard and the school appreciate that. Hopefully they will work with you to keep all children safe.

Wow there are so many perfect parents with perfect children on this thread!

OP I would focus on trying to reassure the other child through your own child’s actions.

Could you help your son make a card to say sorry to the other boy? Could you take your son to choose a little toy for him, or could you bake cookies or something together to give to him as a gesture?

This could be an opportunity to teach your son about how to express regret and how to apologise to someone else.

People angry at the additional needs children. Ofcourse ALL children deserve to be safe, secure and free from violence.
but it’s literally the local authority who’s to blame, and the government. 1-1 hours cut, TA’s let go, ASN classes abolished, ASN schools done away with. But yes, let’s blame the disabled children who cannot regulate their emotions and are put in situations they cannot neurologically deal with.

This is true - but if it is not supported by the school the assessment is very often rejected. What then! A lengthy appeal process. And I'm the meantime the patient is still legally required to send their child to school.

My child was strangled by another child at school, twice. He developed anxiety and stopped wanting to go to his clubs in case that child was there. I dont blame the mother, the child or even the school but it is a difficult situation to navigate and everyone deserves to feel safe at school.

What i really needed was a clear description of how they planned to stop it from happening again. Thats the main thing- not punishment, but safeguarding.

I know you feel awful right now. You sound like a great mum.

Agreed.

Keeping it simple - you took accountability which is more than many parents do in general, even with neurotypical children. Truuuust me some parents make mad excuses for their neurotypical kids bad behaviour.

You've done your bit and that's enough. Leave her to it. End of the day, rightly or wrongly, she is allowed to be feeling what she does. (And we don't know what she thinks!)

I have zero experience with SEN (I even had to Google what neurotypical children are called) but I think you're an amazing mum just for seeing it for what it is and not being blind to the situation. This will get him so far in life, because finding excuses and hiding behind them means you won't keep trying and succeeding. All the best!

Well… the OP started a thread because she wants to know how to get the other mum to respond to her apology, to make herself feel better.

She didn’t start a thread asking for advice on what she should actually do regarding her child. Like keeping him off until the school put a plan in place, and simply to give the other child a couple of days to recover from this happening and to be in school without having to see the kid who attacked them right away. Just a bit of understanding from the OP to help this child feel safer. But she isn’t doing that. She’s just asking how to get the mum to accept her apology.

This is a really difficult situation and I have been the other mum. My child was assaulted by a child with adhd. As far as I could tell no consequences were applied and it made me cross that she had less protection as a child than I did as an adult in the workplace. She then needed to always be in a class with someone who scared her.

I think you have done a brave thing contacting the mum and I would have appreciated it in her shoes as I had no contact from the child who had hurt mine. Unfortunately this happened multiple times and was a contributing factor to withdrawing my child from the school. Her concern will rightly be her own child as the OP’s concern must be hers. Clearly additional support is going to be required and that will be a fight. It is horrible for everyone involved and is a sad indictment of the lack of funding and support for SEN as well as the blind belief that teachers can just accommodate more and more kids with additional needs in mainstream with no extra resource.

@FeelShame there is no waiting list for an EHCP - I am alarmed that you have phrased it like this. It’s not a queue that you wait for a space. The legal timeframe is 20 weeks from application to issue although this very often gets delayed and derailed. Please get in touch with your local SENDIASS (free, Google your county and sendiass) to make sure you have understood the system. I have known of parents who believe an application has been made by school where that is not the case.

Please quote where people have been "nasty" to the OP? I am seeing people who are correctly upset at those who are trying to minimise a physical assault on a terrified 6 year old.

Pointing out that "sorry" doesn't change anything and that something must be done to protect the victim is not nasty, it's just rational.

Please can people stop being so nasty to the OP? She’s not pestering the other mother - she did the right thing by apologising. The other mother may well be too angry and upset to respond which is completely understandable but the OP has done absolutely nothing wrong by messaging her. She’s obviously worried about her own son, and feels awful that he attacked another child but she’s not “making it all about her” when she reaches out to the other mother - the very opposite in fact.
The child is only 6 with SEN. The school has not put an appropriate plan in place to manage his behaviour, deescalate early etc and the school has not managed to safeguard the other child. Both parents have a right to be angry and upset.
OP- I’m so sorry about the comments some people are making. Hope you and your little boy get the support you need and deserve

One of my children was regularly attacked by a child with Sen.

My child was scared to go to in. The only thing that fixed it was moving schools.

Honestly I’m all for zero tolerance when it comes to violence.

The child physically assaulted a 6 year old. Would you still be spouting venom at the victim if he was older?

There is no venom being spouted at the attacker, simply an acknowledgement that being a victim of a nasty physical assault by another child is not mitigated by "fault" or "reasons".

You have never been forced to sit next to or a few feet away in a room with your physical attacker, and nor should you.

The attacker is 6, his victim is 6. More needs to be done to ensure there are no more victims of his physical attacks, and certainly just sending him back to school to sit in the same room as his terrified victim is not that.

It is not remotely lacking compassion to make this factual statement. I feel compassion for the victim as well as the attacker.

Reasons don't matter to victims of assault. Actions to protect them do.