My 6 yr old has attacked another child

Wouldn’t complain about taxes, already pay a shitload.

Would advise relative to
-speak to school and request suspension is honoured
-homeschool if child can’t be around other children without attacking them.

Why would they be fined for homeschooling?

Of course you would. But it would lead to more taxpayers’ money going on benefits to increase; hopefully you wouldn’t then complain about the necessary rise in taxes to cover this?

What if a friend/family member of yours was facing the problem of what to do if they had a DC who couldn’t cope in mainstream education and lashed out? Would you advise them to give up work and homeschool the child? Bearing in mind that this friend/family member would potentially be fined for not sending their child into school.

I’d rather someone claimed benefits than attacked my child.

Seriously leave her alone. Don’t be shocked if your son is moved classrooms or the other child is. Absolutely no amount of remorse or apologising is going to make the child or mother feel better. He should have his EHCP looked at again now to see if he can have a 1:1, or if his needs have escalated beyond what’s already in place. It should happen anyway, but I would be asking to speak to the SENDCO to see if you can do a review.
I would also tell the school you are happy to sit in a meeting with the other parents and apologise in front of the teachers. So many schools refuse to mediate meetings between parents in these cases because the perpetrators parents think they can just shy away.

Nobody who says that a parent should home educate in these circumstances actually answers the question about how this would be possible if that parent couldn’t afford to give up work? If they do answer, it’s to say, ‘not the other parent’s problem.’

But it becomes their problem if parents of SEND children who can’t get a place for their DC in a special school have to home educate them. Because they would end up having to claim benefits.

Perhaps he should be in a school or a setting for children with additional needs then?
It doesn't really work as seen mixing children.

Having been on both sides of this, I'd say leave it with the other mum for now. My DS goes to a special school, he was severely bitten on the face not once but twice within two weeks. He's non verbal so couldn't tell me anything about it, but I figured out who the culprit was fairly easily. I wasn't annoyed at the child, it can be part and parcel of send unfortunately, and my DS has given me just as bad many times. The initial reaction is shock, and upset for your child, but my annoyance especially the second time was with staff who weren't adequately following this child's behaviour plan (known face biter).
I would ask staff if they are putting an IBP in place for your child, and how they hope to prevent it happening again, that's all you can do, you're not there. If your child is able to understand then obviously discuss it with them, but you've done all you can from your end. It's not your fault.

What if she can't afford to home educate? How will she work from home if she is home educating? An autistic child at home is full time caring. She won't be able to work. I can't leave my autistic four year old for longer than a minute or two.

No she won’t it’s not illegal to home educate. As for her job it’s her responsibility to sort/ work from home or whatever she can do, other kids don’t deserve violence so she can go to work.

Or op will be fined and referred to social services and lose her job

School should be supportive of your child but they are not. This is not your fault. What is your fault is you knowing this and still sending him in to attack other kids. He is ultimately your responsibility and you can prevent this. Kids getting attacked is not ok. Fight for your child to get the correct help but don’t just put him in and hope for the best. Only you can protect these kids if the school won’t. I do feel for you but you can do the right thing here. Keeping him home may make them move their arses to put things in place for him x

@Hankunamatata I’m really pleased to come back to see that you are making such sensible posts, which are clearly from experience with the system.

Sadly, if one doesn’t advocate strongly for their child with input from other professionals who really know how the system works, they get left behind.

I hope @FeelShame pays attention to your post and is able to get her DC the help he needs.
It can bloody hard and overwhelming but not one else is going to do it for him.

ok

Also op its not unusual for the wheels to come off in the second and third year of school. More attention is needed, more sitting, more concentrating so soda bottle effect comes in

As I said before. Get onto school now

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/education-health-and-care-plans

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/help-and-support

Some of the replies on this thread make me laugh with dispare.

No sen parent wants their kid to attack another child. Very few entitled sen parents blame sen and are not desperately trying to do something.

Diagnosis- huge waiting list

Ehcp - schools don't have the funding and put parent off applying because of this.

Even if you get ehcp then your battle is to get a special school place or one that's suitable or even a TA to fill the hours in the ehcp even then you might only get half the school hours funded.

Each parent should advocate for their child. Not spread venom and blame.

If your child is attacked then you go to the school and ask what is done to keep your child safe. If happens again you escalate to governors then LEA.

The system almost pits parents against each other. Its bloody awful

The school has failed, you said-therefore you’re blaming the school.
The children’s needs must be met-therefore you’re blaming the school.

How can you expect the school to predict an attack of that severity when the child had never been violent before?
How can you expect a school to meet the (often opposing) « needs » of thirty children at once? Not all « needs » can be met, expecting that is setting children up for a lifetime of entitlement and disappointment.

What is unbelievable is your interpretation of my post.

@FeelShame I’ve just noticed your username. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of, btw. Your child struggled in the moment, whilst not in your care. Shame won’t help you or your DC

Use this as evidence to push for more support for your child now and look into what additional intervention he can get SLT, OT. You saud he went for another child without reason. You just don’t know the reason. It could’ve been sensory, etc.
If you can afford it, get a good advocate on board now. A good one is worth the money and saves so much stress and emotion.

ps I’ve just seen from @Hankunamatata ’s brilliant post that you have no EHCP yet. Get one with an advocate’s help asap

If that poster didn't send her child to school she could be fined/prosecuted/social services involved... Lots of people want more support or a place in a special school for their children but can't, as it comes down to money. You have no choice but to keep taking them to school and keep asking for help.
I suppose you could quit your job and homeschool but that's much easier said than done.

As a side note, my child has SEN and has never been violent in his life. Other neuro-typical kids have been horrible to him though.

It's strange that people seem to think that all children with autism or SEN have absolutely no control or choice over what they do, ever. It doesn't always work that way and your case is proof of that.

Agree with this completely. The right to be able to go to school without being violently attacked supercedes anything else. Or it should, it apparently doesn't though which is insane.

It's nothing about learning and all about societal justice and protecting others.
The right to safety and even temporary peace for the other childr3n supersedes exponentially, as in it shouldn't even be up for discussion, any right the other children has to comtinuous education.

Op should have requested that the school honour the suspension. She didn’t though did she?

He needs to be taken out of school for the other child. So that child can go into school and have a few days to settle after being attacked, without sitting in a room with their attacker. Thats why he needs to be removed.

The OP could also spend the time getting him booked into some counselling for kids with autism and anger management for kids with autism. Instead of just sending an apology text, and then being pissed off that the mum ignored it.

He very much did have autism, but he also had parents who never said no. That boy had never been told no. Because “he’s autistic and we just can’t do that.” Even the headteacher said “I don’t think he’s ever been told no.”

But they do need to be parented, they do need to have consequences, they do need to have punishments, they do need to see their parents actually considering their impact on other people. The OP should have kept her kid out of school, after discussing with school that a suspension is warranted so she would do it voluntarily and spend the time discussing the behaviour with her child and arranging some private counselling and agent management for kids with autism.

Instead, there are no consequences and the OP wants to hound the mum to accept an apology that means nothing because OP had not backed it up with action.

It’s going to take until he is a teen and the police bring in consequences.

The amount of responses on here that think removing the child from school so they ‘learn’ that that behaviour isn’t acceptable is actually laughable.

Ditto the amount of responses that seem to think that the OP has more control over the situation. Realistically she has very little. The school system isn’t set up for parents input. And without an EHCP the schools hands are tied.

There’s two young children being affected here. I’ve been on both ends of the situation and every situation needs a different response. There’s literally no one size fits all solution.