Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why can't women be charged with rape?

382 replies

Ourlovelyson · 11/02/2026 20:13

My son attempted to take his life last year. Turns out his partner has been abusive and she was drugging him with Viagra being him aroused and sitting on top of him he kept telling her no but she did what she wanted to do. But rape is defined by the penetrating male, my son is not the person he once was.
I have been on Google for weeks and I can't find anything to help him. He obviously isn't the only one.
Why is this?

OP posts:
SlayBelle · 13/02/2026 16:20

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 16:01

Because people get raped by women, too. Women and girls get raped by women most often, in fact. As in, they are most often the victims of sexually predatory behaviour by other females. So I'd like them to be able to call their perpetrators rapists, too. As well as people coerced or forced into penetrating others (with anything) either anally or vaginally.

Females are more likely to be victims of sexual offences generally so any law changes that I am proposing would mostly serve them.

They don't. Because in the UK that's not what rape means.

Your objection is purely semantic. Changing the definition makes no material difference to the harm experienced by the victims.

Your whole argument boils down to: 'not just men, women too!'. Which is simply a tool for deflecting away from the fact that overwhelmingly, men perpetrate the majority of sexual offences and overwhelmingly, women and children are their victims.

If women do commit sexual offences, they are notable because they are rare outliers in a predominantly male field.

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:20

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 16:16

She groomed and abused the girl for years. She should have got an above average sentence for that.

Regardless of anyone’s opinion of the sentence, it is the same length as the average sentence for rape, so this case does not illustrate that SA by women is treated more leniently, as you have persistently claimed.

DeepBlueDeer · 13/02/2026 16:18

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:12

If you think it would be different, by all means share the data.

You're the one saying this case disproves that women are treated more leniently than male rapists, it's on you to back that up.

(Even if she had received the maximum sentence, it wouldn't disprove anything, FWIW - standalone sentencings aren't proof of much when we're talking averages).

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 16:16

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:07

This woman was sentenced to about the same as the average sentence for rape, even though she wasn’t convicted of rape. So this case disproves your point that women are treated more leniently than male rapists.

She groomed and abused the girl for years. She should have got an above average sentence for that.

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:12

DeepBlueDeer · 13/02/2026 16:10

Do you think a male who raped a child multiple times over a 2 year period would receive an average sentence?

If you think it would be different, by all means share the data.

DeepBlueDeer · 13/02/2026 16:10

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:07

This woman was sentenced to about the same as the average sentence for rape, even though she wasn’t convicted of rape. So this case disproves your point that women are treated more leniently than male rapists.

Do you think a male who raped a child multiple times over a 2 year period would receive an average sentence?

Allisnotlost1 · 13/02/2026 16:07

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:09

Since you know rape in same sex relationships is a thing... in prisons... all institutions really...

I think about the victim(s) of this woman, for instance:

https://www.mylondon.news/news/uk-world-news/disgraced-cheerleading-coach-who-abused-33343735?int_source=taboola&int_medium=display&int_campaign=organic

She should have a rape conviction alongside the other charges and should have a lofe sentence..instead she tried to reduce her 10 year term.

This woman was sentenced to about the same as the average sentence for rape, even though she wasn’t convicted of rape. So this case disproves your point that women are treated more leniently than male rapists.

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 16:01

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 15:57

So what.
Why does it matter to you so much that rape is not male-specific? It just screams of misogyny

Because people get raped by women, too. Women and girls get raped by women most often, in fact. As in, they are most often the victims of sexually predatory behaviour by other females. So I'd like them to be able to call their perpetrators rapists, too. As well as people coerced or forced into penetrating others (with anything) either anally or vaginally.

Females are more likely to be victims of sexual offences generally so any law changes that I am proposing would mostly serve them.

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:57

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 15:56

Again with the lies.

Why do you do it? Genuine question. Whats the point of lying?

You have made it clear here in this thread repeatedly.

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 15:57

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:54

They can and do say that now. The difference is that the woman wouldn't be investigated for rape to find the truth. They would be investigated for SA if the accusation warranted it.

So what.
Why does it matter to you so much that rape is not male-specific? It just screams of misogyny

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 15:56

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:11

Oh I do. And I know. Because you dont think a woman forcing sex from someone is as bad as a man forcing sex from someone. Even if that victim is a child. There is something very wrong with that line of thinking.

Again with the lies.

Why do you do it? Genuine question. Whats the point of lying?

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:54

SlayBelle · 13/02/2026 15:36

If rape is expanded to mean 'any forced sex', every rape charge against a man, the defendant would simply say, "no, it was SHE who forced ME". And guess who would be believed 9.9 times out of 10?

Rape convictions are already woefully scarce because the charges are so hard to prove. This would just be used in the same way that the 'rough sex' defence has been used in the past to flip blame onto the victim.

They can and do say that now. The difference is that the woman wouldn't be investigated for rape to find the truth. They would be investigated for SA if the accusation warranted it.

SlayBelle · 13/02/2026 15:36

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 12:49

Yes because it is not relevant to forced sex. It should be any forced sex. I understsnd that you think it is more traumatic to be penetrated with a penis by a man and that any other rape pales in comparison, but that isnt how victims feel when they are raped in other ways.

But it is clear that you want female rape victims to be seen as more harmed than anyone else..we get that.

If rape is expanded to mean 'any forced sex', every rape charge against a man, the defendant would simply say, "no, it was SHE who forced ME". And guess who would be believed 9.9 times out of 10?

Rape convictions are already woefully scarce because the charges are so hard to prove. This would just be used in the same way that the 'rough sex' defence has been used in the past to flip blame onto the victim.

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:11

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:18

You are completely grotesque int he way you talk about rape.

And no it’s not like being raped by a penis because men can’t get pregnant by giving a woman oral sex. Thats not saying it’s better or worse - but different

For the 5th time if you want the U.K. to be like other countries, spend your time doing something about it. You aren’t gonna convince me I’m afraid

Oh I do. And I know. Because you dont think a woman forcing sex from someone is as bad as a man forcing sex from someone. Even if that victim is a child. There is something very wrong with that line of thinking.

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 15:09

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:18

You are completely grotesque int he way you talk about rape.

And no it’s not like being raped by a penis because men can’t get pregnant by giving a woman oral sex. Thats not saying it’s better or worse - but different

For the 5th time if you want the U.K. to be like other countries, spend your time doing something about it. You aren’t gonna convince me I’m afraid

If it isnt inherent better or worse, there is no reason for it not to be covered by the same offence. Please remember it is you who wants to break down non-consensual sexual acts and classify them according to what you think it more of a traumatising violation. The ones you deem worst, you want to call rape. The other ones, you want to be classed under the umbrella of SA so the perpetrators get lighter sentences and aren't deemed as rapists

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:21

If you think you’re gonna get a performance from me about how awful these crimes are, just for your benefit, you’re wrong. I don’t respond to people who fish.

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:18

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:16

So what? :-/

Yes - so what. What’s your point? How’s it relevant to what we are talking about?

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:18

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:17

That woman abused a teenage girl if it wasnt clear

And?

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:18

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:15

It is rape in most parts of the developed world except here where British people want their to be a lesser charge where a penis was not involved so women like the cheer coach can get out and get back started on her grooming. After all, she will only probably make them.give her oral sex, eh? Not like a dick in your vagina, is it? You cannae get pregnant from that!

You are completely grotesque int he way you talk about rape.

And no it’s not like being raped by a penis because men can’t get pregnant by giving a woman oral sex. Thats not saying it’s better or worse - but different

For the 5th time if you want the U.K. to be like other countries, spend your time doing something about it. You aren’t gonna convince me I’m afraid

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That woman abused a teenage girl if it wasnt clear

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:16

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:15

So what? Woman stay with male sex offenders all the time.

But I LOVE how you manage to blame women even when men fuck up. Great MRAing

So what? :-/

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:15

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:11

You keep presenting me with these stories like I’m not gonna be horrified. Of course I am, though I don’t feel the need to perform for YOU

I think you’re really really confused. I’m not saying female sex offenders shouldn’t be punished because they don’t have a penis. They should be, and are, punished. But it’s not rape. It’s sexual violence and should be taken seriously but it’s not rape.

Like I say if you want to change this talk to your MP. Start a campaign. Support a charity that support male victims of sexual violence. But coming into MN and telling porkies about what I have said will change nothing for nobody

It is rape in most parts of the developed world except here where British people want their to be a lesser charge where a penis was not involved so women like the cheer coach can get out and get back started on her grooming. After all, she will only probably make them.give her oral sex, eh? Not like a dick in your vagina, is it? You cannae get pregnant from that!

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:15

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:13

That woman's husband supports her last I heard because people think that a woman forcing sex on someone, even a child, is benign. After all, she cant get anyone pregnant!

So what? Woman stay with male sex offenders all the time.

But I LOVE how you manage to blame women even when men fuck up. Great MRAing

ThatGreatCritic · 13/02/2026 13:13

That woman's husband supports her last I heard because people think that a woman forcing sex on someone, even a child, is benign. After all, she cant get anyone pregnant!

FMLGFastMovingLuxuryGoods · 13/02/2026 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.