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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is the only way to give up my sitting room?

211 replies

Watdidusay · 11/02/2026 16:30

Sister is abroad and has long covid. Moved over to an EU country for work 4 years ago and has been ill for nearly 2 years. Unable to work and ineligible for benefits in that country. Lost job and decided she has to come home for support.

Unfortunately there isn't a place for her to stay long term aside from my open plan sitting room diner on the sofa.

She will probably need to go on benefits for a while and will need to pass habitual residence etc. The problem is it looks like she will either need to be "street homeless" and be put up in a hostel or sleep on my sofa and basically take over my small home which is already crowded. We were hoping that my mum (who's in supported living) acting as a solid guarantor would help her get a private rental but I'm reading that won't be enough. I've even been told she won't be able to get a room in a house share.

AIBU to feel like this is horrendous? We've all always worked until my sister got unwell.

OP posts:
zaramysaviour · 12/02/2026 20:05

Another immense help would have been someone ringing/researching charities etc for me. It was scary how exhausted I was - even a phone call was too much for a while.

zaramysaviour · 12/02/2026 19:59

Hi OP - If she is homeless, she will be given a loan/grant to cover deposit and first month's rent in private rental. She can do this while also applying for council housing; if she is homeless, she will have a housing officer who can advise. So that's quite a big rental market open to her. I was in a similar situation after becoming very ill (no family), and it took a load off my mind knowing I could look at private-rental flats.

It will depend on your location whether there are 1BR flats within the housing benefit range after that; if you live somewhere naice, she might not be able to afford it so may have to move somewhere cheaper. Coastal towns are worth looking at. If you're able to do so, topping up any housing benefit would be a great help - means she can get a place that suits her rather than having to take the only damp shoebox she can afford.

She should present at benefits and housing as soon as she can, and make clear she is sleeping on your sofa for 'a few days'. (Some rubbish advice above - of course you are homeless if sleeping on a sofa in someone else's home because you can't afford to rent anywhere!) She is ill and probably vulnerable - get her registered with the GP as soon as she can, because that will likely help with homelessness support (as in, a GP can give the council a boot up the arse by confirming their patient is ill).

Ring Shelter and Peabody - housing charities. Both are good; Peabody is probably easier to access as a smaller charity. Some benefits/job centres have Peabody staff visiting weekly. There will be lots of knowledgeable people in your area, lots of organisations that can help. These are more numerous in poorer areas, for obvious reasons. Your local library will have info also.

The whole process is extremely stressful, and made me significantly more ill for many months. Your sister has been living off savings for two years, taking three jobs to try to stay afloat. She's been fighting to stay independent and will likely be exhausted and very stressed. What helped me was a couple of good friends taking over practicalities (food shopping, lifts to hospital) so that I could rest.

Simonjt · 12/02/2026 19:45

Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 19:10

I don't mean you are obligated to take anyone without insurance, I mean in order to take someone in this situation on as a tenant you would have to do so without insurance

As I said, we’re landlords, you’re incorrect, it does look like you’ve received some fairly poor advice from somewhere during whats clearly a very difficult and stressful situation.

Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 19:12

Ilovethewild · 12/02/2026 19:09

@Watdidusay i think I might have got it, that once on UC she can find accommodation that she can afford (likely to be shared house/ room/flat share, as benefits pay low for housing, many have to top up from their own), a deposit would help her as benefits will take time, so having money upfront reassures LLs of rental income. Once she finds the accommodation she claims the rental element of UC, providing evidence of UC.

reread @Hont1986 post this is right, amongst some confusing advice.

I have heard of LLs holding back the keys until UC in place, so having yr sofa would help hugely for her!

Unfortunately UC without housing allowance is £396 a month which would have to cover rent, bills and food. She can have the regular £396 a month at the time of applying for a tenancy but I don't think £396 would cover rent bills and food anywhere in the country!

OP posts:
Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 19:10

Simonjt · 12/02/2026 18:45

We’re landlords, this isn’t the case at all.

I don't mean you are obligated to take anyone without insurance, I mean in order to take someone in this situation on as a tenant you would have to do so without insurance

OP posts:
Ilovethewild · 12/02/2026 19:09

@Watdidusay i think I might have got it, that once on UC she can find accommodation that she can afford (likely to be shared house/ room/flat share, as benefits pay low for housing, many have to top up from their own), a deposit would help her as benefits will take time, so having money upfront reassures LLs of rental income. Once she finds the accommodation she claims the rental element of UC, providing evidence of UC.

reread @Hont1986 post this is right, amongst some confusing advice.

I have heard of LLs holding back the keys until UC in place, so having yr sofa would help hugely for her!

hattie43 · 12/02/2026 19:03

You don’t have room . End of . It’s not your responsibility to house your sister . It would be a disaster if you tried to accommodate her in a cramped house when she’s at home 24hrs a day through illness / unemployment

Bloodycrossstitch · 12/02/2026 18:52

Netcam · 12/02/2026 18:45

Between you and your mum, could you buy a cheap house in a cheap area and rent it to her, with UC paying the rent?
www.penniestopounds.co.uk/post/cheapest-areas-for-affordable-housing-in-england-in-2022#:~:text=Shildon%20(County%20Durham),average%2Dpriced%20properties%20in%20Shildon.

I’m not 100% sure but I don’t think you’re eligible for the housing element of uc if you’re renting from family. For obvious reasons

Simonjt · 12/02/2026 18:45

Watdidusay · 11/02/2026 19:59

No it's not law but it's against the terms of landlord insurance. So they have to take you without insurance.

We’re landlords, this isn’t the case at all.

Netcam · 12/02/2026 18:45

Between you and your mum, could you buy a cheap house in a cheap area and rent it to her, with UC paying the rent?
www.penniestopounds.co.uk/post/cheapest-areas-for-affordable-housing-in-england-in-2022#:~:text=Shildon%20(County%20Durham),average%2Dpriced%20properties%20in%20Shildon.

B0D · 12/02/2026 18:35

sorry I haven’t read whole thread but can you check if your council has a No Recourse to Public Funds team who may be able to help/ advise ? Ours does

Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 18:00

EvangelineTheNightStar · 12/02/2026 15:33

Is she going to be deemed fit to fly op in order to get home?
are family going out to help her pack up her home abroad and move everything here?

Yes that's the plan.
And tbh she'll have to be well enough. Might need a wheelchair if it's a bad day but we don't have a choice but to figure it out.

OP posts:
Bimmering · 12/02/2026 17:40

Lodger is definitely the answer here.

Because lodgers have fewer rights, the checks and rules are much simpler and about whatever the individual landlord wants to accept.

Verytall · 12/02/2026 17:34

ToeSucker · 12/02/2026 12:58

problem is the change coming in in may so they can't discriminate based on UC anymore - the list will be obsolete

I'm a little confused by this, the changes coming in to my knowledge mean that LLs in theory should be more open to taking on UC tenants not less. I know they always find ways to get round renting to people they don't want to, but I'm not sure what about the change in may will make it harder?

As others have said though, lodgings may be easier to get. It's less secure for your sister, as lodgers can be given notice more easily. However as lodging means living with the LL they're usually more interested in finding someone they're comfortable living with rather than just who has the highest income. If your sister is likely to be a quiet, no trouble lodger (albeit home a lot) that may help.

Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 17:14

It's possible but also not really better. Mums flat is so tiny. Would really just be passing the burden on to mum.

OP posts:
newrubylane · 12/02/2026 16:22

Can you try something like the YMCA or similar, if there's one local to you?

Smilesinthesunshine · 12/02/2026 16:05

I have an aunty who lives in supported living. When my cousin had to unexpectedly return from Cyprus he stayed on a mattress in her living area for a few months. Could your sister not do that at your mums?

EvangelineTheNightStar · 12/02/2026 15:33

Is she going to be deemed fit to fly op in order to get home?
are family going out to help her pack up her home abroad and move everything here?

CarlaH · 12/02/2026 14:34

Not sure how easy it would be to become a lodger if you are as unwell as this lady seems to be.

How many people would want somebody who is ill as a lodger?

Watdidusay · 12/02/2026 14:05

Hoardasurass · 12/02/2026 13:55

The insurance clauses are illegal and proved so in crt. Most private lodger agreements dont involve landlord insurance so no issues there and most flat share/hmo landlords understand the law around HB and make too much guaranteed income from HB (they can apply to have it sent straight to them if the tenant falls behind on rent) to care about illegal insurance clauses.
Its mainly rental agents and landlords renting out single properties that demand proof of employment. Landlords with large property portfolios particularly in cheaper areas of types of properties are used to HB rules and as long as you can prove entitlement to HB and cover your deposit 1st months rent will happily rent to someone on UC.
@Watdidusay is looking at the wrong end of the housing market

I did not know most lodger arrangements and HMOs aren't under the same issues as private landlords. This may be a way though, thank you

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 12/02/2026 13:55

ToeSucker · 12/02/2026 13:40

I am taking the habitual residency test into account and have said i am happy for her to stay on my sofa for the time until she passes that and becomes eligible for UC.

why do you say she needs to be looking at lodging rather than a flat or house to herself? are landlords taking lodgers not subject to the same restrictions on insurance terms? this is what is confusing me about the advice i am receiving from posters.

The insurance clauses are illegal and proved so in crt. Most private lodger agreements dont involve landlord insurance so no issues there and most flat share/hmo landlords understand the law around HB and make too much guaranteed income from HB (they can apply to have it sent straight to them if the tenant falls behind on rent) to care about illegal insurance clauses.
Its mainly rental agents and landlords renting out single properties that demand proof of employment. Landlords with large property portfolios particularly in cheaper areas of types of properties are used to HB rules and as long as you can prove entitlement to HB and cover your deposit 1st months rent will happily rent to someone on UC.
@Watdidusay is looking at the wrong end of the housing market

ToeSucker · 12/02/2026 13:40

Hoardasurass · 12/02/2026 13:31

Housing benefit won't pay her rent until she's been back for atleast 3 months.
Private landlords can't refuse someone who is on housing benefit. When she can claim she needs to be looking at flat shares and lodger arrangements or even a bedsit rather than a flat or house to herself

I am taking the habitual residency test into account and have said i am happy for her to stay on my sofa for the time until she passes that and becomes eligible for UC.

why do you say she needs to be looking at lodging rather than a flat or house to herself? are landlords taking lodgers not subject to the same restrictions on insurance terms? this is what is confusing me about the advice i am receiving from posters.

Hoardasurass · 12/02/2026 13:31

Watdidusay · 11/02/2026 17:13

That's exactly the problem - you can't claim housing benefit if you don't have a house.
And you can't get a house if you claim housing benefit.

If we could get her into a private rental then housing benefit would cover it. But you can't have it if you don't already have a home.

Housing benefit won't pay her rent until she's been back for atleast 3 months.
Private landlords can't refuse someone who is on housing benefit. When she can claim she needs to be looking at flat shares and lodger arrangements or even a bedsit rather than a flat or house to herself

Hont1986 · 12/02/2026 13:20

but it will only be £396 a month and she will not be eligible for more unless she has a tenancy. Which she can't get on £396 a month.

You don't need to be getting Housing Element already to prove that you will be eligible for it. Landlords/letting agents can easily calculate how much UC will allow her in Housing Element once she is in a place (you can check yourself here: https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk), and can work out affordability based on that.

The difficult part will be finding a private landlord willing to rent to an unemployed person on UC. That is supposed to be banned now I think, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Search for Local Housing Allowance rates by postcode or local authority : DirectGov - LHA Rates

https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/

Burningbud1981 · 12/02/2026 12:59

@Watdidusay You will probably need to house her untill she’s passed the HRT. Once she has passed and has a valid UC claim UC will pay to the 1 bed LHA for private renting assuming she is over 35. If she is under 35 it’s the shared accommodation LHA rate. This is the maximum amount UC pay. You can share these amounts with agents and landlords to indicate affordability.

lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/

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