Page 3 | To think there's no such thing as a "soft life"?

Original poster

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 15:20

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My point is very clear, that there isn't an easy route and which ever path you choose you're going to encounter difficulty. Trying to set up a path where everything is easy is always going to be disastrous but it's exactly what girls are being encouraged to do.

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5128gap · 11/02/2026 15:19

I don't see a problem in people seeking to have a less stressful more enjoyable life. I see no virtue in suffering. I do think its problematic to persuade young women that the route to that is via a man. Because no woman should place the quality of her life within the gift of her partner. A better message I think would be that it's possible to have a happier stress free life if you strip things back, bin materialism and focus on being rather than having.

Original poster

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 15:19

WhySoManySocks · 11/02/2026 15:16

You sound depressed!

For goodness sake, how many times do I have to say this isn't about me?

I don't want a soft life, never sought out a soft life, worked hard at school and afterwards, made mistakes, made good choices, I have a good life which requires effort but my point is that I think ALL lives require effort and looking for an easy route is storing up problems for the future.

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Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:18

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Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:17

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LooneyLiberalSpaceWaster · 11/02/2026 15:17

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 14:21

I can't imagine anything that would make me feel more trapped than knowing I'm completely dependent on a partner and could be left with nothing at any time.

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eh, you said that "Working is hard- regardless of if you are slogging away in a minimum wage job and still struggling to make ends meet, or under pressure in a high-stress, high pay role"

Are you now acknowledging that having nowt but shirt buttons is harder than having oddles of dosh?

And secondly, if ever you are "left with nothing" you go and get a job!

Original poster

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 15:17

RhaenysRocks · 11/02/2026 15:09

This. I'm a teacher. I've worked hard to get here and am.in a lovely school woth great colleagues and kids. I genuinely dont mind coming to work every day. I am a sp to teens and keep a lot of plates spinning but it's fine. I care about stuff I can control and shrug off stuff I can't. No idea about SM trend side of it but I think the mindset of life being hard or crap as your default is probably self fulfilling up to a point.

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I didn't say it was crap. Crap and hard are two different things. Doing difficult things can be very fulfilling. But some level of struggle is to be expected in life and it isn't always fun. As you said, you had to work hard to get where you are and even if you find your life easy now it wasn't just handed to you.

I was a teacher though for a while (one of my many false starts but the experience has done me good) and it was the most stressful and difficult thing I've ever done, so hats off to you!

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Overtheatlantic · 11/02/2026 15:16

This is why education is so important. Teaching young people to think for themselves and to be curious but also to hold themselves accountable for their decisions. Teach children to question where they get their information from. What else can you do?

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:16

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WhySoManySocks · 11/02/2026 15:16

You sound depressed!

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TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 15:13

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I have a 16yo and a primary school age child who obviously has no SM. The 16yo did absorb some ideas about how she could have an easy life when she was younger but has thankfully found things she is passionate about and outgrown it. However, several of her friends have fully bought into it.

I really don't care if it comes up on my feed, I'm in my late 30s and even if there was such a life it's long since passed me by.

I'm asking, as I stated clearly in my OP and have clarified since, whether or not it's unreasonable to think that the girls who are seeing it (and maybe your teens aren't, although how you would be able to monitor every post they see I do not know) are being sold a lie which is going to leave them in a very vulnerable situation?

We know that teens are not always able to approach these types of things with critical thinking and are likely to believe what they see, especially if it's from a source they see as cool and relatable.

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AnearlyCurfew789 · 11/02/2026 15:11

I have young adults and I have seen some of their sm feeds telling them to “follow their passion” to which I said they needed to prioritise eating and having warm clothes, decent shoes, and a roof over their heads first, and a bit of money left over for the emergency fund.

This is sadly why many of our arts are full of middle and upper class youths, in the absence of proper government subsidies and funding.

Not all, but quite a few young women in their 20s or early 30s drifting about the countryside in floaty clothes, dying wool with rose hips or making art paths with windfall apples, and posting on sm about it, are actually being subsidised by someone else.

I am sure there are subsidised young men as well but they are probably gaming instead or foraging with a spaniel.

RhaenysRocks · 11/02/2026 15:09

ErrolTheDragon · 11/02/2026 14:25

There are jobs which, if you’re good at and enjoy, may require time and effort but aren’t unduly stressful.

This. I'm a teacher. I've worked hard to get here and am.in a lovely school woth great colleagues and kids. I genuinely dont mind coming to work every day. I am a sp to teens and keep a lot of plates spinning but it's fine. I care about stuff I can control and shrug off stuff I can't. No idea about SM trend side of it but I think the mindset of life being hard or crap as your default is probably self fulfilling up to a point.

pinkspeakers · 11/02/2026 15:09

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 14:54

No, my life is quite comfortable but it still requires work. And it also required a lot of work to get to this point, with a lot of set backs and false starts.

My point is that these girls are getting told, "Hey, don't be like your mum and dad working all their lives, here's an easy route!" and they are going to be out looking for something that doesn't exist instead of building something real.

If you start trying to get an education, build a career and find a solid partnership (if that's what you want of course) and so on in your late teens or early 20s it might take 15+ years for you to establish yourself but if you give up at 16 because you think you can have a soft life and start trying to chase that, looking for a rich guy who can "take care of you", then by the time your prefrontal cortex catches up you are 25 or 26 and you have to start from the beginning.

Maybe now with kids, and a self-employed ex who moved onto a younger model and pays no child maintenance, and no time or money to go back and complete your education. What then?

Or AIBU and actually it's easy to just marry a rich guy and be a SAHM?

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the soft life you describe may be possible, but it sounds soul destroying to me!

pinkspeakers · 11/02/2026 15:07

I don't know about a "soft life", but I think I have a nice, unstressful, enjoyable, comfortable life. A couple of things have gone wrong along the way, but overall I've been pretty lucky and life is looking very good right now. Almost "easy".

I think it depends partly on luck, partly on good choices, partly on the right attitude and not expecting things to be perfect, and being pefectly happy with that.

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 15:06

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Original poster

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 15:04

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Yes, 2.

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AnearlyCurfew789 · 11/02/2026 14:59

Upstartled · 11/02/2026 14:33

Is this like when all those tradwives accounts were prolific and then we all gave up our jobs to get up at 5am and churn butter? Oh yeah, that didn't happen.

😂

SemperIdem · 11/02/2026 14:58

I do see what you’re getting at actually, especially the increasing glamorisation of being a housewife with no financial independence. It’s ’trad wife’ in yoga leggings and biab nails.

I think a lot of the creators who put this sort of content out are Mormon, though you won’t hear them speak about that much.

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 14:57

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Original poster

TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened · 11/02/2026 14:54

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No, my life is quite comfortable but it still requires work. And it also required a lot of work to get to this point, with a lot of set backs and false starts.

My point is that these girls are getting told, "Hey, don't be like your mum and dad working all their lives, here's an easy route!" and they are going to be out looking for something that doesn't exist instead of building something real.

If you start trying to get an education, build a career and find a solid partnership (if that's what you want of course) and so on in your late teens or early 20s it might take 15+ years for you to establish yourself but if you give up at 16 because you think you can have a soft life and start trying to chase that, looking for a rich guy who can "take care of you", then by the time your prefrontal cortex catches up you are 25 or 26 and you have to start from the beginning.

Maybe now with kids, and a self-employed ex who moved onto a younger model and pays no child maintenance, and no time or money to go back and complete your education. What then?

Or AIBU and actually it's easy to just marry a rich guy and be a SAHM?

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Pistachiocake · 11/02/2026 14:49

Life can always be hard, but having experienced struggling at certain stages, I'd always want to be able to earn to help myself. We could all lose our job/be ill and need to rely on benefits at some point, but I would want to support myself whenever possible, not rely on others long term (again, I know some people have genuine situations where they must).
It seems wrong to encourage young women (or anyone, for that matter) to seek a soft life, partly because it could make their life much harder if they are reliant on someone else. Also, would they then teach their sons and daughters that they should expect to have a traditional gender stereotyped role (nothing wrong with a couple choosing that, but it shouldn't be presumed)?

JPNeed · 11/02/2026 14:46

Comedycook · 11/02/2026 14:03

Living off a partner and the stress and judgement that comes with that is hard

I used to do this and it wasn't hard. It was absolutely fine and I didn't really feel judged and if I was, I couldn't care less 😂

Im in my 60s and as a trailing spouse was 100% living off my partner. Contrary to what appears to be the norm on Mumsnet some relationships are actually ok and mutually loving and supportive! I’ve never felt like the less valuable or important person. I think I’ve had an easy life. I never had any problems at all filling my time or worrying if I’m being judged. I just don’t care 😅😅

The requirements to having a ‘soft’ life can’t just be how hard you work, there are other factors such as personal relationships and you and your families health.

hellofrommyothername · 11/02/2026 14:44

There are a lot of jobs in between minimum wage slogs and high stress, senior careers, many of which are quite cushty (mine included)

Goneintoexile · 11/02/2026 14:44

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