To think there's no such thing as a "soft life"?

I recently had to leave my job due to burnout. Fortunately DH's income currently covers our needs and I can afford to take things a bit easier for a while. It's been very hard for me to accept that I need to do this though because the messaging when I was growing up around being career focused and financially independent and constantly striving is what got me where I was mental health wise. I'm now sad that I went back to work earlier than was financially necessary after having our DC because I would have made other choices if I'd been more ok with accepting my DH's support instead of battling on. Maybe the current generation is trying to correct our mistakes and just going a bit too far in the other direction.

Can't think of anything worse tbh.

So yeah you're probably right.

But it will appeal to some, and some will enjoy it. Horses for courses.

That's not what it means in social media terms, though, which is what the thread is about.

To me soft life is about loving yourself. Being kind to yourself. And this can be inexpensive like wearing slippers when you’re walking on cold floors, Taking time to give yourself a mini face massage to relax, telling yourself ‘it’s ok we all make mistakes’ when you get it wrong.
I don’t know why people have felt the need to start a trend which makes this soft life feel unavailable to others 😔

Why don’t you do it any more?

Sorry to tell you but I feel no guilt or judgement having my husband currently cover our bills etc. why would I? We married and we have agreed to this together and can easily afford it. We live in a mortgage free house and if he lost his job we have savings and all of our parents could help bail us out if need be. I also have 2 degrees (soon to be 3) and professional qualifications so could get work if needs be.

I have faced my challenges but in a material sense my life is soft as marshmallows.

I mean shit can happen in any situation, I used to be (briefly) a princess on a cushion with my beautiful baby boy and partner paying the major the bills, but before that homeless at 17, and these days I’m a single mum with SEN teen and I have cancer. Thems the breaks. Being on the cushion was fine and a shit load more comfortable than my current seat.
there’s staggering inequality when it comes to how hard life is and some people have it easy. I know them, they are my mates. they take me out for cake and tell me they feel awful about it 😂

I think it's a backlash to all the other social stuff talking about "side hustles" and "the grind"...I don't think there's anything wrong with people just wanting just the one job (and some spare time), or to afford to be a SAHM for a few years.

Re me living off my husband

I dont live off him anymore as he has retired. We have joint savings and we both have our own. He may have been the earning the money but he says he couldn’t have done any of it without me. His job involved us living in countries where spouses were (at the time) not allowed to work so not only was it impractical for me to work but it would have been illegal. So I made the most of the situation. 😅I’m not a ladies-who-lunch kind of person but I am someone who finds it easy to fill my time constructively . I’m sociable, love sports and enjoy getting involved in things. I know that I’ve been fortunate. I think I’ve had an ‘easy life’

Why don’t you do it anymore?

Ive never heard the term before
I know several SAHMs of teens/uni age kids, with well paid husbands. From the outside life doesnt look that hard. They have cleaners, gardeners, handyman to do things, go out for lunches, to pilates/gym/tennis/concerts/shows away for girls weekends etc, maybe there's difficult bits i dont know about but to me it seems a lot easier than working ft, or trying to live off benefits.
However i dont find my own life especially hard. I work ft and have teenage kids, ideally i would work pt if finances permitted.

I don’t think my life is hard. I live in a two bed flat with a toddler and a baby on the way. We both work. I would obviously like more and haven’t had a holiday in five years - but not stressing about how to put food on the table or petrol
in the car.
Id say my in laws have a soft life - both work part time, mortgage paid off before they were 50, passive incomes mean they have about £4k disposable income each month.

There is a lot of nonsense spread about on social media. The 'soft life' idea is one of them by the sound of it. It is a shame that young impressionable people have access to this stuff, but it doesn't look as if it will change any time soon.

I was brought up being told it’s a hard life and unfair life and not to expect hand outs etc.

But life is what you make it. I strive for a softer life, I love the slow living movement because it suits me rather than hustle culture.

Am I ignorant to the struggle? No. But I chose to focus on gratitude and blessings no matter how small.

Yep. I do sometimes sit at work wonder if maybe I'd have quite liked to have married for money, sadly, love was the only thing on offer to me at the time, so back to the grind stone with me 😂

I’m encouraging and role modelling my two girls to work hard and strive to create their own income from their hard work. However, can’t say I feel sorry for women who don’t write go out to work and live off their husbands amazing salary

Oh you're talking about a silly social media trend though.

It's stupid and they're stupid for thinking that's an easy life. Doesn't mean that there isn't a version of a soft, easy life out there for people.

Alternatively you could have said I was taking the easy road in my 20s, indulging myself by pursuing my passion with no guarantee of a stable future rather than martyring myself for money in a sensible but soul-crushing job. My mother certainly said that. And you know what - in a sense she was right. I may have been broke but I had a lot of fun in my 20s by simply doing what I wanted to do, in my career and in my personal life. Like I said, you have to take happiness from life when it's there to be taken.

I channel hopped at lunchtime and stopped on the Loose Women thing. Sally from Corrie was on and they showed a clip from 40 years ago.
They went on to illness and being off work.
Janet S-P said she was gagging to get back to work after her knee op... and went back after 3 weeks.
I felt it was a bit blind to those who do more physical jobs who might be dreading returning to work after operations.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago posted by someone who’s daughter had decided she wasn’t going to go to university (think she was 15/16) but was planning to live on benefits. The poster was struggling to tell her daughter it wasn’t meant to be a life choice and also said she’d picked it up from social media. I guess that’s the soft life you’re referring to.

In which case you’ve obviously lived a fairly charmed life. What about being trapped in servitude or extreme poverty, or by serious health conditions or in a cycle of abuse? There are worse things than being supported by a DP and being able to spend your days waggling a credit card around in whole foods.

I probably have a relatively easy life, although I don't find it easy really! Day to day life as a parent is still pretty stressful. We made choices to make daily life easier but it took DHs high income to have those choices. I was sahm for a few years and retrained so I could get a job around school hours. There was a place at the end of my street and I called in a few times while training 'looking for advice' but really setting up a relationship. When youngest started school I approached them and they gave me two short shifts a week. Then someone left and I just slotted in. I love my work, i feel deeply satisfied more than previous careers. I am home to collect kids and when youngest starts secondary I'll have an hour to myself everyday. if i forget something or have a delivery i pop home for 5 mins. Someone recently told me i was lucky the way it all worked out, true but it was carefully orchestrated. Dhs work is going well, we have a summer and winter holiday and 2 or 3 weekend breaks a year. We have two cars and a nice but modest house in a really nice area. So my choices came from luck and my luck came from my choices.

One element I don't get is the vulnerability if DH leaves me. Maybe he will, sure there is a risk but I also trust him. If he does, I'll work FT and we will downsize in this area, all the nice lifestyle stuff will go but we'll be absolutely fine. Chances are he won't and I'm prepared to take that risk. Hedging against it would involve a much more stressful life, a commute, childcare and all that goes with it, the stress of a career progression job. In terms of risk, it's just as likely I'd be made redundant or the industry or economy collapses. If he left now I'd still be able to say i had 7 years of a low stress easier life which benefitted all of us so it still would be the right decision and I'd have no regrets.