to want to move 'home' / how important is family?

Agreed, I only have one toddler, so can't speak from experience with four children, but our families live far away and we have no family nearby. If my family were altogether like yours and my parents young enough to help, with lots of extended family I would definitely want to move there.

I grew up spending lots of time with my grandparents and it was so important to me. Unfortunately, my mum is distant so not really such an option for us to move, but in your position I would want to, especially whilst all in primary school.

I guess after it won't be so easy/ possible and when they are all older. They'll all start having partners and the family will be split if you move (sorry, don't mean to be scary!) so I would definitely move now and hopefully most of you will settle long term in the new area. I really hope it works out xx

You have to take your husbands feelings into account , family is important and having someone to rely on in emergency situations is nice. I know your family say they will be there for you and that's great but I wouldn't rely to heavily on having a lot of help because they all have their own routines and lives. If you think that it would be better all round I'd go for it , maybe rent something before putting down roots though

Move, move, move! Don’t live your life for someone else.

One very important factor: How close is your husband to your family? Trading proximity with tour free ds for proximity with in laws you just tolerate for your spouse is a massive ask.

In my view, friends are way more important than family. But I have always lived happily at a significant distance from family, so to me it's completely normal.

Everyone has to make their own decision on this, though. However, I'd be reluctant to move kids if they are at good schools, not to mention all the opportunities they'll get from living close to London.

So, to keep you both happy, it sounds as if the best solution would be to move, and have your wider family’s support during the week - but keep a base (maybe considerably downsized?) in London that you would all regularly go back to at weekends or whenever your husband is particularly present.

I know people will shout that that’s fantasy - but what is the point of all this work, and your husband working away so much, if you cannot find a way to make your lives together enjoyable?

It’s now or when the kids are grown up

what are the implications for work? Living close to your family would
mean he can’t commute anymore

You wouldn't be unreasonable to discuss the pros and cons of a move alongside your current division of labour as a family. Wherever you live you could be sharing out free time at the weekend more evenly though.

If you moved somewhere where you have family support or can afford to buy in help then that should make the quality of your life better. It seems like you are doing far more than your fair share and don't have much time off. Would your DH keep the same job and commute/stay overnight?

Not unreasonable to move, especially given that your husband isn't being particularly supportive.