to want to move 'home' / how important is family?

My children were all born abroad (we were there with DH's job) and we returned to UK when they were 11, 14 and 16.. Yes, it was a bit of a wrench for them but they coped and adapted. Primary age would be easier, children are pretty adaptable on the whole

It's up to you really, would your husband notice/miss you if you moved? As he's never around and doesn't parent/get involved in family life at all by the sounds of it. It sounds miserable for you.

No point in asking us. Ask your husband how he'd feel about moving. You can then decide if it's an option.

Moving when your children are primary-age will be fine.

No one can really tell you whether it’s the right decision for your family as we all have different experiences. If both you and your DH love your home area and want to live there, it’ll work out.

I wouldn’t want to move to my DH’s home area, not because of his family who are nice, but because I don’t much care for the place, DH says it’s boring too! Whereas we both like where I grew up and wouldn’t mind living there.

I think at primary age it will still be OK. They might object, but they will get over it, and they have the compensation of your wider family to be close to. As they get older friends get relatively more important relative to family and school becomes more of an issue, so you do need to decide soon.

So is the idea that your DH would work away Mon-Friday and then come back to you weekends, so commuting on a weekly basis? It sounds like that's almost what is happening anyway?

Personally I've never put great value on being very close to family (same country is good, but not too worried beyoned that). But in your situation where you have a large geographically concentrated family that you are close to and believe would help, and a very busy life with four very young children, then I would definitely go for it if I could make jobs work. Are you planning to move your job?

Also, just because you have 4 children, you should still get a weekend if DH is around! They are school age, not babies? Sounds like he isn't pulling his weight...

If he really objects to moving than would you be happy to stay if he changed the way he behaves?

The problem here is your husband. I was going to call him “lazy” but that’s probably unfair from what you’ve said about his work ethic. But he can’t be allowed to abdicate all domestic responsibilities to you! Very poor behaviour. What did he think would happen when he impregnated you four times?

It’s not your parents’ responsibility to pick up his slack, and it’s not fair to move your children from their schools and friends to cover up your husband's shortcomings.

You can make nice friends again elsewhere. You only get one family. And it’s not just GP’s there or a sibling, your whole family live there so you’d have a whole network and life ready to fall into.

Ya maybe I let him off lol, he could stay in London for work 😅

I'm not actually sure your husband gets a 50% vote here as he appears to have opted out of your family life anyway.

My husband and i are immigrants and so we've never lived anywhere near any of our family. Like with any choice, there are pluses and minuses. We have no interference in our parenting, we don't have to balance holidays (you'd need to spend a lot of holidays with his family if you live near yours surely?) and there's no expectation that either of us will be present for when our parents need help (again, good and bad points to this too!)

My kids have never known any different so I don't have anything to compare it to. I get jealous sometimes about these magical things I have heard about - 'babysitters' or 'date nights' or 'help when my husband is away for work' but on the whole I really value our independence.

My brother and his sister didn't have children, but they have piles of second cousins they don't know at all. It does worry me that they'll have no connection to family at all once it's just the two of them. But it doesn't sound like you're that removed from your family so probably not relevant.

What are the bad points about moving? Jobs? House prices? What's his objection?

I think I'd book some weekends house hunting with him. Present it as the fact you need more help/support, given that he works away and therefore is not able to help as much as you need him to. Having family closer would be your preferred option rather than employing someone. Good luck

I would move. Husband is content at the moment for you to do all the family and life admin so either he agrees or starts doing more of it and more of everything. As long as he can keep his job then go for it.
As a grandparent I would love to be closer, if only to be able to help on those days when kids are ill etc.

Move..do not think about it just do it,your husband is selfish out,sorry I don't care what job he has or how stressful he says it is he should still do his Father duties ..your parents won't be here forever,my Mam died suddenly 8 years ago and I'm glad I moved back from the UK and got 9 years with her..my girls adored her and she was such a hands on grandma..kids need their cousins,you need your family,friends will always be friends no matter where you live if they are true friends xx

Since when do wives have to persuade husbands to do more in their families ?? Shouldn't they want too ?

The husband that does nothing to help her or is not there mond-friday 😂😂 sod his feelings in this case

You have great schools and friends so it could be disruptive to the kids to move, as much as they would see more of your family.
Could you decide to travel to see family once a month?
Can you persuade DH to participate more with family life on the weekends?

Where is husband's family?
Can you trial for one year; maybe renting in your new destination?

I moved an hour away from my home town/ family and as my parents got older and needed more support, I really regretted being this far away. My sibling took most of the brunt of this and I did weekends . It was really difficult.

We moved away from the London commuter situation when I was a child because my Dad wasn't home at breakfast or bath time ever. We moved to an area in the UK where we could visit my great grandparents weekly, where we were close to another city where he could do the same job for a national company but he was home every breakfast and tea time. Rather than moving away from just their friends we also moved away from other other family but guess what - nearly all those friends and family also moved elsewhere for better work/life balance. We grew up with less money but a more present dad, we knew our great grandparents better than we otherwise would have and we still live close to a major UK city with all the concerts, sports etc that we want as well as easy access to beaches, countryside and so on. I'm glad that my parents made that decision when I was a young child.

Your husband is there on the weekends. Why isnt he getting involved with dc? He should be msking up for his weekday absence.

But if he isnt involved at all you may as wel move with dc without him.

But he may want contact weekends which could be long travel for dc?

If you have a good relationship with your family ,and you know they will help and be there for you ...you cant put a price on that .
Having had 4 DC and no help from family ,I would of definitely moved in your shoes ..I'd probably even consider divorce.. because your DH is not there in the week,so your getting no help at all

I think the family support would be invaluable. You said DH is happy where ye are, but would he also be happy to move?

That he works away mon - fri, but does he go home to your current house or actually stay away? Would he get a job easily?

Personally though moving closer to family who want to offer support would be amazing!! I'm not a million miles from my family (2.5hrs) but I could really use some support with 2 toddlers.

Family support is invaluable but YABU if you and DH aren’t on the same page

How old is your eldest and when for you need to apply for secondary? Is there enough time to move before then? Will it make your husband's journey to working awake longer? Does he want to move? All things to consider if planning a move.