To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

Was he complaining, or just upset because the toilet was occupied, and he really could not wait. How would he know what was wrong with your friend? It makes no sense.

I had a Mazda sports car and would take my Mum out in it all the time. I got lots of looks and comments until Mum exited the car with two white walking sticks. One guy who said something apologised profusely. I use a disabled toilet if the toilets are up or down stairs. Don’t look disabled but have an arthritic knee and lots of stairs make it worse.

I think this is what gets forgotten. They are not exclusively for people in wheelchairs or with stomas.

It would be, it would help a lot of people, though it'd be the government you'd need to target to change the regulations. RIBA/architects know what would be better but have no influence to make it happen.

You are so wrong. A lot of stoma bags are not like this at all you have a full bag that you have to remove it clean and dry the stoma area thoroughly then replace the bag. How do you expect people to do all this in front of people in a communal area. They leak a lot to how are you meant to clean yourself up.

Replied to wrong post

So what constitutes an actual disability, in your eyes?

Some people are idiots.

I thankfully didn't need a Stoma after the complex surgery that I was warned might result in me needing one but I do still have residual issues which sometimes mean I need more space and access to a sink. I use the ordinary loos if I just need a quick wee but sometimes I need the accessible loo.

I've never been challenged, commented on or stared at when I do so but I know it will happen sooner or later and I am conscious about it every time. The retort I have practiced is to say something like "What arrogance makes you think you are entitled to know about the medical conditions that mean I need to do this?" - I feel something like that would be better than showing your stoma bag - they do not have the right to know such a detail about a stranger.

We need the right facilities for parents with young children as well as accessible toilets. In Europe (I spend a lot of time in France but I’m sure other countries have these too) in shopping centres and airports there are parent and child toilets with seat reducers a little seat to attach the baby while the toddler or mother is on the toilet, a step for the sink or a low sink and best of all space for a pram.
Where are mothers with young children supposed to go to the toilet? Leave the baby outside the cubicle? And queueing with a toddler who waits until last minute to declare they need the toilet is a recipe for an accident meaning we then have to squeeze into a tiny cubicle and change the child’s clothes.

They’re accessible toilets, not disabled toilets. There’s a myriad of reasons why one may be used.
Anyone policing them and choosing to deem them worthy of using the toilet is a dick.

“Used to work in healthcare” - hopefully not in any caring role. I’m glad you left!

Having a stoma is long-term, life-altering condition that meets the legal definitions of disability in the Equality Act 2010.

They are accessible to anyone who needs them to be fair. The fact anyone needs to wait is just life. Some accessible toilets even have baby changing facilities in them. So I don’t think anyone gets to dictate who uses those toilets.

“I’m not the arse police” is probably the best thing I’ve ever read on Mumsnet 🏆😂

I know people who have a stoma. I used to work in health care and have experienced stoma care and while I'm not minimising the psychological effect of a stoma from a practical point of view you unfasten, empty, refasten then go and wash your hands much like everyone else.

People with disabilities that make it impossible to access a regular facility need the accessible toilets.

There is always much conflating between medical conditions and actual disabilities.

She shouldn't have to declare her disability and hope for the kindness of multiple strangers, she's just as entitled to use the accessible toilets as he is.

You can't get into a hierarchy of conditions that deserve to use the accessible toilets. If you need an accessible toilet, you need an accessible toilet, end of - and being disabled doesn't mean you don't have to queue for anything, ever.

I use accessible toilets because I need the emergency pull cord in case of a seizure; I look perfectly fine walking into and out of them, but I'm not willing to disclose my disability to anyone who tuts at me or rolls their eyes, because it's none of their business. They're choosing to make up scenarios to get angry about; that's their lookout.

If he's in a wheelchair he can't use the male loos but your friend could have asked to jump the queue.

You would have to be a knob to disagree with her using it.

Yes, that’s a good one to store up.

If I was you I would have been tempted to flash my stoma too.

My friend has terminal cancer and was on some drugs that give her an upset stomach and make her pee all the time. There was a massive queue for the toilets when we went to the theatre so she used the disabled toilet. As soon as she did a guy in a wheelchair arrived and started loudly complaining about my friend using the toilet. I didn’t bother saying anything and, luckily my friend didn’t realise what the guy had said but it was unpleasant. Morally I think my friend was ok to use the disabled toilet but maybe others would disagree.

‘I’m not the arse police’ may need to be my next username 🤣

Who invited the arse police? 🙄

I think anyone ‘judging’ anyone else over using a toilet needs to get a life.

Honestly, people will moan and judge about anything. I don’t understand it. Unless there is only one toilet in the vicinity and someone is in desperate need before you, I don’t see the issue with anyone using any toilet they like, even if they’re not disabled!

Yes but the building regs approved documents have minimum standards for accessible toilets or ambulant disabled toilets etc. So there could be additional requirements for pram toilets. I think that it's a great thing to push for.

I'm profoundly deaf in one ear and have substantial hearing loss in my 'good' ear. Sometimes if I hear someone it takes me longer to process what I have heard.
A woman at work (I don't know her) made a comment about me 'not listening' while standing behind me when I was struggling with a security door and misunderstood what to do.
It was only after I left the building that I realised she'd made a dig at me and it was too late to turn round and say anything! People are enormously ignorant about invisible disability.

People can be amazingly mean. I got a packed train with a broken leg. Due to my slowness, I was last on the train. I asked the people sitting in the priority seats to let me sit down and they just “no I got here first”. I said “But I’ve got a broken leg.” ….. I was ignored. Now I have an invisible disability and I have a card that instructs people to give up their priority seat for me. Not surprisingly, they won’t.