To ask, think before you judge who is using the disabled loo!

There will always always always be people who use disabled toilets regardless of whether they meet some definition of needing them or not. There are endless arguments to be made as to what 'needing' a disabled toilet means, which it is impossible to get any sort of consensus on.

My view is, if you're giving more than the briefest passing thought to this issue, in fact if you're getting very angry and worked up about it, or you're actively tutting or commenting when someone comes out of a toilet, without knowing what's going on with them, then you may want to take a hard look at your life and what important things you're avoiding dealing with.

If everyone thought and behaved like you I assure you there would be a problem with access to the toilets for those people who really need them.

What you think doesn't affect me in any way!

Neither you or anyone else would know I had used it.

Do you think it’s okay for people who have absolutely no need of disabled toilet facilities (for whatever reason) to go ahead and use them?
Because they can’t be bothered queuing?

Is it okay to use parking spaces in the same way?

Is that what you mean? I’m not sure.

I just don’t think that’s perfectly fine at all 🤷‍♀️

The way I look at it, people who tut at or judge anyone coming out of a disabled toilet are at a serious disadvantage in life because they're stuck at a very childish level of development where any perception of someone 'pushing in' or skipping ahead genuinely upsets them. It must be very hard to live like that and I have a lot of sympathy for them because their lives must be very frustrating. Also, when they're getting all worked up about toilets they can't deal with things in their life that are important and meaningful so they are likely to get to their deathbed with a lot of regrets. I know a few people like this and their lives are so disappointing. I don't feel annoyed at them, I just thank my lucky stars I'm not like them.

I wouldn't use it if I thought I was going to be a long time!

It's perfectly fine. You make a judgment at the time. No one around - I am nipping in there quick.

YANBU at all. Some people are clueless. Unless they can physically see a disability eg a leg in plaster, or being in a wheelchair, or using crutches, people lack the intelligence to realise disabilities are also invisible.

I have IBD and if someone questioned me if I have to use the disabled toilet in an emergency, they best be ready for me to abuse their eardrums. I'm happy to educate, time permitting of course!

My son had a fistula with his stoma too. Definitely far from simple!

LizzieLemons · Yesterday 20:36
But emptying a stoma bag is just like opening bowels, poo goes in the toilet you fasten stoma bag, fasten clothes and then go and wash your hands at the sink.
Obviously with a baby and a toddler you would need to use a parent change facility which are often accessible toilets too.

Hmmm. It's really not, having just emptied my child's stoma bag with a fistula.

My dear friend has Crohns and when she’s gotta go, she’s gotta go. Stat. It often requires a clean up. She handles her condition with dignity. I am in awe of her.

She Paddington Bears any fucker that says one word with “not all disability is visible”. Some that push their luck have been asked if they’d like a person with pants full of shit walking around the supermarket.

Research appears they don’t.

I do see a problem with using it if you don’t actually need to (for whatever reason).

Even if nobody’s waiting, someone with an urgent need to use it might come along while you’re in there. If everyone thought like you then the space would rarely be free

You are right about all of the challenges. People have no idea what's involved. The OP has a stoma herself. It's another poster who doesn't have a stoma but feels she knows all about it who's posting all the misinformation.

Your reply (thank you) led me to go back and read through the whole thread. I am absolutely astonished by her answers. The other night, in spite of all my precautions, I managed to get poo (a lot) on the side of my friend's roll of toilet paper and was so embarrassed I took the roll home in my handbag. I don't make a big thing about having a stoma but sometimes I find it hard to live with - leaving a wedding party to change my bag as the smell is so foul I couldn't subject the other guests using the loo after me. (Sorry, TMI!) Unfortunately the OP is ignorant of so many aspects of having a stoma; the different types of bags (two or one piece), consistency of output, just how messy it can be or the 'explosive' stoma output mid bag change. Having sat in my bathroom at home with two real professionals who were teaching me the alternative (irrigation) and their care and compassion has been the norm for me, most fortunately.

S/he said they don't have a stoma, which is why the answers are clueless and simplistic

I am assuming you have a stoma, as do I. Going to the loo isn't simple for me, particularly if I need to drain my bag. My routine is wash the floor directly next to the loo with loo paper, lift the lid, protect the inside with loo paper, wash my hands, prepare bits of loo paper to grab, kneel on the floor, drain and mop the bag, wipe the end, sometimes my hands too, reseal the bag, stand up, wash my hands, flush the loo and wash my hands again. If I didn't have a handbasin close I would have to wash my hands in the loo flush.
It's not 'just like opening bowels' at all for some of us.

I totally sympathise, OP. My son was born with Hirschsprung's Disease and ahd a stoma at 4 days old, which was reversed, but the condition recurred at age 3 and he had a stoma for a further year at that stage. He was (luckily) a lively and well-grown boy, so I got several experiences of tutting and disapproving looks when we emerged from disabled loos.

It's really infuriating. Why should you have to explain about intimate medical issues to strangers? But some people have very little imagination and are frankly ignorant about so many 'invisible' conditions which require a larger space.

Yes show them the stoma bag. When you tell them why you’re using the disabled toilet their faces are a picture, it’s like they’re trying to get up their own arses.

Exactly. And double buggies don’t fit in normal toilets. I use the disabled with a double buggy and couldn’t give a shit.

You don’t understand the definition of disability. Educate yourself and do better.

Exactly this. And 😂 'the arse police'!

I have definitely been known to use a disabled toilet if no-one else is waiting. Can't see the problem at all.

You do understand that you need to clean your hands before using a catheter? It is important to be as hygienic as possible to minimise the chances of introducing bacteria and getting an infection when using a catheter.

I need to clean my hands before and after use. I also need the space to put my equipment out. Due to extensive reconstructive surgery I don't use a catheter in the usual place as I have a mitrofanoff in my belly button, so I use a 40cm long catheter through the channel in my belly button to empty my bladder. When I have issues getting the catheter in, I have to lie on the floor in order to be able to insert it (which is gross in any public toilet and when I went through a period of about 6 months having to do this every time due to a complication with my stoma I barely went out).

I've had sepsis twice due to UTI's. I was medically retired due to my bladder reconstructive surgery and catheter usage.

I'm really not sure you understand the fundamentals of stomas and catheters, and why using a toilet with a self contained sink is so important.

My DD is autistic and highly anxious and will only use a disabled toilet. She finds the sound of hand dryers overwhelming along with other anxieties around toilet use. If there is no disabled toilet she will just hold it to the point of accidents. No one has ever commented on a large teenager walking in and out of a disabled cubicle which is lucky as it might totally knock her confidence to ever use the loo when out and about.

It really isn't you. My mum was in a wheelchair and going to the loo was so stressful. People shouting through the door, hammering on the door, grabbing the handle and rattling at the door, then when we came out shouting as us for taking too long, and barging past us as we were trying to leave.

And we weren't "too long", just longer than a fully ambulant person which was surely to be expected in a disabled loo!!!

I have had a stoma since November. I have yet to change it when out and about as currently I rarely go out . I would definitely need to use a disabled toilet. I have 2 sprays I need to use, extra seals to go around the bag, a wound very close to the stoma that hasn't fully healed yet so when I change my bag I have to change that dressing too. I would need the extra space. Some peoples attitudes on here is why I am reluctant to go out in case I need to change my bag .