Husband always off when I go out with man crazy friend

I don't think any of us are 'slut shaming' as you put it OP. Your girlfriend is entitled to act as she likes, BUT she is SINGLE, you are not!

From my experience, if a couple of guys go out on the pull, and your friend acts up to them, guys being guys will think you are BOTH 'up for it', which is what your DH is afraid of, he is a man, and therefore knows how men think, and unless you are incredibly naive, you must be aware of it too. I think quite honestly that you're trying to kid us into thinking you're not interested in flirting and messing around, which could lead you into a situation where you are, as men would put it, 'asking for it', which is extremely foolish on your part. I'm not saying that you can't act as you like, but merely pointing out that men tend to look at this sort of thing in a totally different way, and again, this is what your DH is afraid of.

For anyone who thinks that I'm saying that the OP is asking to be sexually assaulted, I am DEFINITELY not, as I'm a firm believer in NO meaning NO, but there are a lot of guys out there who won't take no for an answer, and even less so when they've had a few drinks.

I don’t know am I old fashioned here , but when I was married , I never spoke to men out that I didn’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️
Like why would I be talking to guys I’ve never met before ?
Yes , I did obviously when I was single, but is this not how marriage & being single works ??.
Plus in this story here in particular, one is married , one isn’t , the one who isn’t married is always looking to hook up with someone while she is with her friend that is married, that to me is a dynamic that does not work .

DP has a friend like this, and I will admit I do feel a bit irate when she goes out with her (although I think / hope I do a better job of hiding it that your husband does @Anouke )

It's not because I think DP is going to cheat, or that she's disrespecting me or anything like that. It's simply that DP always comes back from these nights out in a foul mood, because she's spent the night being dragged around and ignored by her friend while she chases man after man.

And then DP spends the next day hungover, having spent a load of money. Neither of which I'd usually mind, except she hasn't even had the benefit of an enjoyable night from it. And then a couple of months later she'll be off out with her again, complaining about it before she's even left.

I sit on the fence with this one, if it were my husband and his single woman hungry friend then I:

1. wouldn’t expect him to stop being friends with his mate just because he likes female attention on a night out, I still trust DH so wouldn’t care unless:

2. My DH was then chatting to woman on night outs at bars etc with his mate, I’d find that inappropriate.

No-one is slut shaming. Your friend can do what she likes. I fins it worrying that you don't understand the difference between talking socially to someone of the opposite sex and going out with a friend on the pull and flirting with the opposite sex.

You don't sound mature enough to be married.

its not about talking to the opposite sex it’s about going out with the intention of talking to the opposite sex purely to flirt or get her mate a shag
.

God i had a friend like this, constantly looking for men, ignoring me, even flirting with my then boyfriend! She doesn't sound like a real friend tbh and quite sad, actually

But she's OPs friend It doesn't matter if others don't like her.
I have a friend my OH cannot stand. He just doesn't have to see her

Why on earth would that be a problem? Or are married people not suppose to chat to the opposite sex socially? Am confused here

Cheat, not heat, doh

This isn't actually about flirting or the potential to heat, it's about husband saying "I get pissed off about x, y, z".
Your response is ffs, I'll do x, y and z if I want to.
You've completely glossed over the fact that 1.he's pissed off 2. he's being open with you and sharing his feelings. And 3. the reason he's done that is he hopes you can help him stop being so pissed off.

This is how communication in a marriage can win you through tough times. He's doing it right. However, your response "fuck your feelings" just makes me think your marriage is eventually doomed and I get there without even commenting on your fun friend. No need.

And yes if my DP wanted to regularly go on nights out drinking with a friend who regularly regaled me proudly with tales of how many women he’s shagged/ threesomes/ other drunken bad behaviour I would think something was a bit wrong with him.

She sounds tedious and the whole thing sounds tawdry. So you’re talking to any random bloke while she’s off shagging people in alleyways/ toilets- no thanks.

As you say it’s a free country and you’re not committing a crime but I can see why your DH is a bit miffed. He’s probably slightly worried that she’s so sketchy she’ll
leave you in a dangerous situation, that maybe you’ll get grief from the blokes who think you behave like your friend, or that maybe one day you might be tempted to cheat- say if you’re pissed and/ or you and DH have had a row.

Either way it’s up to you but like others, I’d be meeting her for lunch or a meal early-evening for a bit and seeing if I really missed the evenings out.

For me, it's not the nights out, being your friend's wing woman. It's the fact your friend makes inappropriate comments to your husband. I'm assuming these comments are flirty/sexual? If your friend is comfortable in making inappropriate comments to your husband, then it says that her moral compass isn't too strong.

Perhaps your husband has laughed off comments, but he might actually feel uncomfortable. After all she's your friend, and here she is behaving inappropriately towards him. If your husband was inclined to flirt back, my guess she'd take that as a green light, that he was interested. I don't think her being your friend, would necessarily stop her from taking it further.

Unfortunately, there are women out there, who don't give a damn if a man is married or in a relationship, they will pursue him, no matter what. Girl-code doesn't exist for some.

There's nothing wrong in flirting if a single woman sees a man she fancies. There is something wrong, when that same person is making comments to friend's husband's etc. I agree with others, you are married, even if you are honest with any man that is tagging along with his mate. Your friend needs to reign it in - save those type of nights out with another single woman.

And to be clear that's not a slut-shaming view - I'm all for single people having as much casual sex as they want, I certainly did - but when you're socialising with your friends, that night out shouldn't revolve around the single person always wanting to pull. I'd find it very boring.

Absolutely nothing wrong with DP or I occasionally being the wingperson for a single friend but I don't think I could be friends with someone whose defining character trait is apparently how "man crazy" she is, and if DP had a "woman crazy" friend I would also wonder why he wanted to spend so much time with him.

Am I the one missing the mark?

Yes. You sound emotionally immature and lack social awareness.

It has norhing to do wirh Taliban rule and everything to do with lack of respect. I wouldn't be surprised if your huband starts going out with his women hunting mates.

After all, what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Why are you surprised? In your first post you describe her as ‘man crazy’ and that she says outrageous things to your DH. Do you think that’s normal? What if DHs friends said outrageous things to you? I’m certain you’d find that at least annoying and creepy.
Your friend sounds pretty desperate tbh. Are there times when she abandons you to go off with some random bloke? If my friends behaved like this when we were on a night out I’d pretty soon stop going out with them because I’d find it all too tedious.

I can where your dh is coming from, wouldn’t want my dh chatting to other women as a wing man.
i have a friend a bit like this, we keep it to lunch and breakfast dates now

I'd not be happy about my partner doing this.

i'd be more pissed off at my friend who can't spend an evening out having a good time with me and was always looking for a man. It doesn't show you ranking very highly. I'd be very interested in her reaction if you wanted to switch night out to lunches, dinner, hikes, or any activity that's not in a meat market.

I had a friend like this, except we met in our 40s. It gets extremely boring the older you get, trust me. For my 50th, she arranged this really special night out for the two of us at a beautiful restaurant and then fancy cocktail bar. She spent the night hardly engaging with me at all - her eyes constantly roaming the room for men. When I was talking, she wasn't even looking at me.

I realised my birthday - and my friendship in general - was just an excuse for her to have someone to go out with while she man hunted and that she gave zero fucks about me really.

I’d be pissed off if I were your DH. I would also be pissed off if my friend didn’t want to actually spend the evening talking to me, but was always off looking for someone more entertaining to talk to.

So she's just using you?

I can see why your DH doesn't like it, she's not much of a friend and she'd ditch you at the first sign of some dick, leaving you alone with some random men. If you can't see the issue, I think you need to look a bit harder.

⬆️ This! We're not living in the 50's anymore & you can do what you like & there needs to be trust in a marriage, etc. BUT your husband has a point. 🤷‍♀️