Husband always off when I go out with man crazy friend

You're contradicting yourself, @Anouke. On the one hand, you say "It’s not like we set out to meet guys." But on the other hand, you say "I mean she is absolutely single bloody minded on a night out. It’s like a dog in heat." Which is it?

"i asked husband who said he does question why I enjoy spending time with her and when she’s it hunting for men. Such a horrible, judgmental take imo."
Judgemental, really? Just from reading what you've written here, I also wonder why you enjoy spending time with her! Because what you've said here includes "Yes it can be tiresome" and "It can be tedious" and " I do think it can be a bit much". You have to "just tell her to pack it in when I’m really annoyed" - which means you do get annoyed; and "If she starts chatting to the men on the table next to us and I’m not feeling it will reel it in" - which suggests sometimes you are 'feeling it' which begs the question, 'what then?'.

So what is there to enjoy about spending time with with a woman who is "like a dog in heat"? It's not like you are the focus of her attention, she'll always be looking over your shoulder to see what men are within range and only half-listening to you whilst she considers how to strike up a conversation with "the men on the table next to us". You may say you "see nothing wrong in being her wing woman" - but do you really never tire of being used?

"But I’ve know this person since we were six. She’s harmless. She’s always loved attention."
Is that what it's about - that you've known her so long? Do you feel you have to look out for her? Do you feel you have to be there to protect her? Do you feel she endangers herself? Do you feel responsible for her? And - does she have any other friends?

As for your attempt to dismiss other people's opinions as a "19th century take" and "Sorry didn’t realise we lived under taliban rule" - all that shows is that you know damned fine that going out with "a dog in heat" invites people to consider the old saying that you can tell the character of a [wo]man by the company that [s]he keeps. And that bothers you, or you wouldn't be so hyperbolic.

The issue is not the friend, though she sounds hard work. The issue is your relationship. You have a friend whose lascivious behaviour makes your husband feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to ditch the friend to be sensitive to this. You simply don’t expose your husband to her and you choose the occasions and venues you see her more carefully to avoid being exposed to the worst of the behaviour.
similarly, if your husband had a friend whose behaviour made you feel uncomfortable, you would be within your rights to expect him not to expose you to it or to modify the occasions and venues he went to with this friend. (Day at the football fine. Strip joint not fine) we make small compromises for the people we love because we love them and we don’t want to hurt them.
Marriages can be more vulnerable things than we appreciate. Protecting them from other people’s sexualised behaviour, from gossip and from intrusion makes sense in my opinion. Unless you husband is behaving wholly unreasonably, you should try not to make him feel uncomfortable and he should do the same for you. These small kindnesses matter in long term relationships.

I was single for years and enjoyed the Samantha SATC lifestyle but didn’t do it when out with my gfs as a regular thing! Certainly not if they were coupled up. When I went out with my gfs they were the priority as I wanted to spend time with them. And if I did meet someone on a night out, I’d chat with them a little bit, make my excuses, give them my number and get back to my friends. I mainly met guys through other activities I did on my own like hobbies or out and about. Didn’t need a wing woman. So your friend sounds like she just needs a wing woman, not a friend, and you must enjoy it somewhat as it’s incredibly boring watching someone else try to get laid. Do you ever do activities, hobbies or have conversations that isn’t about dating with her?

I wouldn’t want my DH to spend his free time pimping for a friend who couldn’t talk about much else. But I know DH would find it boring, one sided and a bit creepy and has previously (of his own volition) declined to hang with a mate who was always on the prowl. It’s not old fashioned values, it’s wanting fulfilling friendships where you enjoy time doing things you both enjoy together. And respecting your relationship by not making the chatting up of men a regular event on the social calendar, whatever the reasons.

Exactly

Some men are going to look at her an think one thing that she's a bit of an old ----
and at least I wouldn't have to pay for it.
She must be very insecure in herself to want to do this just to get attention.
I'm with your h, and I wouldn't put up with it if my h went around with a mate who was trying to shag anything with a pulse.

DH and I got together very young, we both went out with friends who were on the pull and had a laugh about it. Both spoke to and had/made friends of the opposite sex too. I don't know why people are so bothered by it. You either trust your spouse or you don't. If they want to cheat they will do it, regardless of what their friends are up to.

Can you not see how that is disrespectful to your husband?

Maybe you just have a different moral compass to other mumnetters...

Is he good looking out of interest?

Obvious to everyone reading this the issue here. You wouldn't be posting this if you didn't have a niggling feeling too. I imagine your one bad decision away from being single..

She's not a good friend or a 'woman's woman' if she says inappropriate things to YOUR husband.
Don't enable her behaviour with 'its just how she is'.. She needs to do better!

What did she say to him??

He is probably worried that her lack of moral compass and boundaries will rub off on you.

Your friend sounds utterly desperate and a lot of men will sense that a mile off.

I think you’ve had a bit of a hard time on here OP.

But there is a bit of a balance that must be struck when you’ve got friends at different points in their lives. I think your friend needs to respect that you’re married and take you off wing woman duty, I think that’s where it’s getting inappropriate or causing your DH to be concerned.

My DH goes out with a friend who is single and always tells me if they’ve spoken to any women. And his friend also respects that my DH is married so conversations with strangers are generally kept friendly and jovial but short. DH’s friend probably will have a bit of a flirt but will have no real intent to pursue. They’ve met up to see each other not to ‘pull.’

I don’t see any harm in friendly chat here and there but I think she needs to save anything further than that for nights with single friends or a larger group setting.

The fact that you do vociferously defend her and are happy to be her wing woman suggests that the reality is you quite like the attention too…. Even if you have no intention of ever acting on it.

This is what your DH is picking up on and telling you he is uncomfortable with.

You don’t like your DH or posters on this thread judging your friend. But you’re the one who refers to her as ‘like a dog on heat’. Hypocrite.

you’re obviously not going to stop playing wing man to your friend. A choice you’re entitled to make. But I don’t think it’s fair to negate your husband’s feelings on this.

to be honest, I’d feel the same way as he evidently does. I’d be disappointed if my spouse disrespected our marriage in this way.

In classic mumsnet style

op : am I unreasonable?
mn : yes
op : no I’m not!

Perhaps your husband is worried that she will hook up with a man and leave you alone.
Or the guy you're wing womaning doesn't want to take no for an answer
Or one of the guy spikes your drink
Or she gets you to go to some dodgy area and you get mugged.

She sounds an absolute mare.

Same here! One of my friends is loathed by DH but it doesnt affect my friendship.

Yabu - most spouses wouldn’t like their husband/wife going out with a person like your friend.

You are slut shaming your friend by using terms like dog in heat, man crazy etc While you are happy to be your friend’s wingwoman, most people want to spend time with their friends when they go out so would find your opinion unusual (not wrong).

If you were a man and your partner was a woman who wrote the post then they’d get lots of sympathy. Not because they thought that the partner would be cheating but it sounds so sleazy to hunt for a “victim” because the friend is horny.

You are the company you keep. She sounds like a sleaze, why would you want her as a friend??

There's no slut shaming. You are the one that describes your friend as "man crazy" or like a "dog in heat". I think people are trying to be balanced and question what are you getting from the relationship or do you enjoy some aspects of her behaviour and like going out with her and partaking in it up to a point. If so that's fine but don't expect your DH to be ok with it and not voice an opinion.

I think the bigger issue here is that she has a habit of saying outrageous things to your husband. She may be doing it because she likes the 'shock value' and not out of any intent to cause discomfort, but given your husband's feelings, I'd say it's very likely that her comments make him feel uncomfortable.

I think you need to establish a firm boundary around this. Nothing wrong with her trying to pull men, but if her attention-seeking comments are making your husband feel uncomfortable, then I think you need to make her aware and ask her to refrain from making any more such comments in front of him.

You've asked whether or not people here believe you are being unreasonable. Seems the general opinion is that you are indeed being unreasonable. What did you hope to get from posting this? Naturally anyone would want to be told they are being reasonable, however sadly in this case you're in the wrong. That's the answer to your question.

IMO I understand where your DH is coming from. I think that his reaction is also normal and natural.

I don't think anyone reasonable would be against your single friend going out and having fun with hooking up. That's fine and reasonable behaviour.

The problem comes from you going out with her when she's on the pull. That's inappropriate for a married woman/man. Helping her get men to hookup with falls into the same category. I don't believe for one second that you're unfaithful or that you're flirting with these men.

I think you're being a bit too innocent and dare I say naive here. You must surely see why your husband would be a bit put out by this?

I'll go further and risk being called an abusive and controlling wife myself here by saying I would not let my husband go out with guy.

Please try to imagine that your DH had a male friend who was going out on the pull and that your DH was helping this man get one night stands by being a wingman. Would you really not care?

If you’re asking whether your husband is entitled to feel uncomfortable with this situation, you’ve had pretty much unanimous responses that he is. It just sounds as though that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. What you do with the advice that you asked for is up to you.