Ds special school hot girl in self defence

Don't be daft, kids will kids.
Especially hard to teach kids with additional needs appropriate responses.

Nothing to do with manopshere stuff

you’re perpetuating sexist stereotypes by saying he can’t hit her because she’s a girl. He can’t hit her because violence is the language of animals, not people. You should be teaching him that violence is never acceptable no matter what.

It is weird that you are more bothered about him hitting a girl than you are about him hitting a child who is so much younger, and presumably smaller. You need to send the message that all hitting is wrong, not that it is ok in some circumstances.

It is a special school and they are both there for a reason. This stuff is to be expected to a certain extent. The most important thing is that the school are dealing with it appropriately.

I think the age gap may be a bigger factor than the sex difference here.

Neither sex should use violence against another, but it is not right to say sex does not matter because, as DS grows up, he’ll be getting stronger and stronger compared to that (violent) girl or another, and his physically hitting back could lead to tragedy for both of them.

The age discrepancy here made his action wrong/potentially more dangerous too even if the girl had been a boy.

Hitting someone in the face isn’t the same as kicking them on the leg, it’s a disproportionate reaction and isn’t ok. He needs to understand the difference between self defence (trying to stop or minimise the impact of someone assaulting you) and retaliation (hitting someone back). I’d be looking at the other choices he could have made, whether he acted out of instinct, ie lashing out because he was hurt, and why he went for her face. That’s a pretty personal and potentially dangerous response.

self-harming/hurting

If a woman is hitting a man it is ok for him to defend himself. Some women are vicious i know girls who used to bite in fights and would have no issue attacking anyone. She stabbed me with a pen for tapping her on the shoulder. And im a women too I didnt hit her back but I would have been in the right

I think that as these are two children in special school, it's likely that rationality goes out the window quite quickly.

We only have a snapshot of what happened. He reacted to her actions, but we don't know why she did what she did.

OP, persevere with teaching him the best way to react in these situations, as they are likely to occur again. But use these times when he gets it wrong to role play what else he could have done.

There may be consequences from the school, but try to get to the bottom of what happened and why. It might be that the younger child acted inappropriately, and he was just reacting to something unexpected.

My DS was in mainstream school till Y8 and he found many situations difficult to navigate properly because he had/has fairly black and white thinking. I spent a lot of time digging him out of holes and discussing what might have been a better choice.

Yep! But OP only mentioned one kick, so I was going off that. I know a lot of people were told as kids "if someone hits you, hit them back twice as hard!" - I certainly was! But it's not self defence. I suppose it's more of a long-term strategy... 😅

I’d be horrified if DS did this, extra needs or not. My DS would be terrified to break the school rules so he wouldn’t physically retaliate, also in ASD class.
My Father always told my brothers not to hit girls to walk away, restrain if necessary. I’ve told my son that too.

Oh God, that's embarrassing

Oh dear :( Well you've taken it seriously and you've told him off, so you've done the right thing. Hopefully the girl's parents will be having a word with her as well...although her version of the story may be different I guess and I don't know what level of understanding she has.

I think, instead of going with a "never hit girls under any circumstances" approach, maybe talk to him about how he may have over-reacted given her age and what she did, and ways he could handle it differently if similar occurs in future. If he thinks in black and white he may appreciate a bit of logical guidance.

Depends if the attack is going to keep happening, surely!

Self defence is usually about using reasonable force to prevent an attack, not hitting the other person after they kicked you.

Self harming, I think. But I first thought what you probably did...

Perhaps talk to him about appropriate levels of retaliation in a logical way so you can make it make sense for him rather than "don't hit girls it's bad" which yes is true but it's different as he's at school. And it is hard to regulate own strength unless you practice

So a pushing away rather than punching for something like a kick, especially from someone younger/physically weaker than him. Can roleplay pushing levels and how much force to use and when you'd need to do it harder. For example self defense to run away etc or someone hitting harder

And for something minor but annoying, perhaps verbal teasing or someone getting aggy or jostling him around roleplay a loud voice and a hand out in front of him, creating space "STOP."

It's having your head up your own arse is what it is 🤣

"I am so good and right that the only possible reason for someone to disagree is that they must be simpering, bleating handmaidens!"

No, calling a woman a handmaiden for centring men isn’t misogynistic. It’s insulting, but it’s not misogynistic.

At 11yo, hitting a female Y4, the gender-based power differential is already a factor. Boys of this age should be made aware of this.

Calling other women 'handmaidens' for disagreeing with you is misogynistic.

Yes, it is absolutely more serious when a man hits a woman. But this isn't a man and a woman. It's two children. It's not the same. Boys and girls don't differ in size and strength when they're pre-puberty.

Deliberately WHAT?

You heard from the teacher in the 30 minutes since you made your first post?

How convenient.

He retaliated, he didn’t defend himself.