Struggling with Boundaries and Space in My Home with My Partner’s Ex and Daughter Involved

Its reasonable that a child has a room in Dad's house.
The issue, is that Dad's house is only your house, not his.
So either, he moves out, has his own place and therefore his child has a room
Or
Your house is shared and equally your partners home. If that means him paying more to live with you, and then you seeing it as also his home, or you getting a different place that's equally both of yours (buying or renting together) is something to look at together, what works for both of you. He is a parent , so he needs a room for his child. You need an office, a guest room, and apparently a dressing room as well.

What are you on about? I get that you own the house but you invited your partner to move in so it's his home. Do you expect that he doesn't have his child to visit or stay? Did it never occur to you that he comes with a child?

Can you not store your things in the other spare room? Are you a hoarder or something if 2 bedrooms aren't enough space for your stuff?

It sounds complicated, OP. You come across as feeling under seige in your own home. On top of this, you’ve got major concerns about the mother. Yes, your partner may be nice to you and helpful in the house but you don’t feel comfortable about the situation. His daughter will be with you in your house every other weekend. You’ll have to accommodate her and help your partner spend family time together in your house.

Do you really want this? Could you see yourself doing this happily for the next few years? If not, what would the ideal situation be for you?

Maybe I’m misunderstanding, you have your bedroom, a bedroom that is now a walk in wardrobe and the guest room.

You moved your BF in and naturally you would need to accommodate the child and their belongings and they are using the guest room.

What exactly are you opposing? What is the father and child doing that is upsetting you?

I've never used ChatGPT, but is the title of the thread ChatGPT, too? The capitalization is weird for a thread on here; it's like a book or movie title.

I fully appreciate your viewport OP and the resentment associated with the compromises you have to make.
However, you fell in love with a man with a very young child who is in an extremely vulnerable position.
Her wellbeing needs to be the priority and if you can't accommodate her living with you every other week (in your home where your partner /her father is living), then you need to be honest with him. Otherwise, resentment will grow to the detriment of all

.

"he can pack her things away in plastic tubs in-between her visits.
There's no issues with that
Your things stay in the bedroom she uses and she's told not to touch them ."

Don't forget to put money aside each month for the therapy she'll need when she's older, too.

Err no, no it doesn't, its just entitled parents who think dating some means they now need to provide for their child.

He needs his own place.
Do you want this child in your life?

I think her dad wants her to have the room which OP is currently using as a home office/dressing room which used to have a bed in when the little girl stayed before (lets call it bedroom 2). She wants to keep bedroom 3 as the guest room for when her mum stays and have the little girl sleep in there when she comes and then remove all sign of her between visits while keeping bedroom 2 for her own sole use.

OP could you give his daughter bedroom 2 and then when your mum stays she just sleeps in that room even though it's done out for a 6 year old? Then you could used bedroom 3 - which I bet is the smaller room for your home office/storage?

How is the daughter reclaiming bedroom 2 if there is no bed in there? Is she just playing in there?

As others have said, you need to either accept you live together and accept his daughter as part of the package and give her her own room. I don't think your mum sleeping in there too is a problem - assuming they don't stay at the same time. It just needs to be done out for the girl and not as a guest room. If my assumption is that bedroom 3 which you want them to sleep in is smaller, is her dad putting things in bedroom 2 because of lack of space in bedroom 3.

Most importantly you seem to have slipped into this arrangement without any proper planning or discussion. Your DP is acting as though you are living together and this is now his home and presumably his contribution to household bills is a help even if he isn't paying rent? This isn't unreasonable if you haven't told him that's not how you see it, or you will only see it like that if he pays rent.

He will assume that in letting him live there you understand his daughter is part of the package because that is what any reasonable person would assume.

You don't seem to be communicating very well with him.

At the end of the day, if you don't want them there then you can tell him to leave.

What do you want to happen because there are other issues at play here. You seem put out that he is only paying towards bills while seemingly not expecitng him to pay rent/towards the mortgage. If that's the case then it isn't just about where the 6 yo is sleeping/playing it's about him making assumptions and you just going along with them. Are you saying she can have bedroom 2 if he pays more or do you want to keep it for your own use? You need to be clear what you want and then talk to him.

Yeah, me swearing is causing more harm than your behaviour. Have a word with yourself. My words never supported a custody battle for part time residency of a child I didn't want living with me.

Funny how you can call me, a random stranger, to account but have made such a mess of your living situation.

It is hard to follow. Perhaps copying and pasting.

I wondered that. Perhaps knew the child and their mother first.

The em dash screams ChatGPT - or as we lovingly refer to him in our home, Chatters.

Did you know the child before meeting your partner?

Did child have room A? Then guests in room B. Is room A now full of your stuff? Are you suggesting child now has room B? With her things when staying. This being packed away when guests use the room. Is there much difference between room A and B? Size wise etc. Would room B feel like the child’s room or just a guest room with a few child’s things in. What happens if child stays over more or at times you normally have a guest?

Room B would really need to feel like the child’s room. I understand what you are saying about being your house but child shouldn’t feel like an afterthought. It may be a case that your needs do not match with your partner’s/their child.

You’re in a relationship with a man who has a child. She comes as part of the package and she deserves a room to sleep in. “The kid is back to reclaim her room”-she’s a child, a child who has had a very disrupted start in life, including being abducted to another country by her mother - she doesn’t have a choice where she goes. If you don’t want this relationship end it. If your wardrobe space is more important than the wellbeing of a child end it . Don’t blame a child for needing a bedroom and some security. If you want this relationship long term - then she’s part of the deal .

I'm still curious how she met the child six months before she met the partner. It's like a bad soap opera.

The fact that the OP has repeated the same bodies of text, sometimes three or four times, in their posts, suggests that if not a bot, then at least, as a pp has suggested, Chatgpt or similar is being used. Badly.

You are (one of) the adult(s) in this situation. If you’re not happy with it, end it.

Posts like these make me more and more determined to make sure my marriage works, as I never want to think of my daughter being treated this way or thought of as some kind of unwelcome burden in a place she thinks of as a home.

As this thread has progressed your comments seem to have moved from repeating the inconvenience of your step daughter's presence to realising the inability of your partner to provide for her. So despite the fact you are arguing with a lot of posters, I think you are beginning to understand what everyone is telling you.

You cannot maintain a relationship with this man while he lives with you. Its not working for you, him or his daughter. He needs to move out and provide himself and his daughter with an appropriate home, that she is welcome to live in whenever she wants. You can then make your house into the comfortable personal space you want. If you and he want to maintain the relationship you can do so living separately.

So you got him a well paid job with a car and provide him with a home as well?
This man is a user OP, come on now

Where have you copied this from? (Forgetting to delete the opening quote mark)

Presumably you paid those bills yourself before he spotted you as an easy mark, so could do so again.

You need to decide what you want, him and his daughter and your increasing resentment for the next however many years, or your spare room back.

Since I assume he didn’t live on a park bench before he inveigled himself into your home I expect he can find somewhere to live, and possibly at the same time work out that being a parent involves providing for your own child, not expecting other people to fill the gaps in your parenting skills for you.

Then don't. What has he said when you told him no?