Hi all,
I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I could use some advice. I’m in a relationship, but I’m facing some real challenges when it comes to boundaries and my space at home.
I bought my house before I got together with my partner, and I pay the mortgage myself. Since I moved in, my partner wasn’t really in the picture at the time, but now that we’ve been together for a while, things have shifted, especially with his daughter and the ongoing drama with his ex.
Here’s where things get tricky: I’m happy for my partner’s daughter to have her own space when she’s here, so I said she can use the guest bedroom, change the duvet whatever, However, I feel like everything is being shaped around her needs now, even though she’s due to be there every other wknd pending a court applciation. The bigger issue is this extra bedroom, which I had used for my things—wardrobes, personal items, you name it. My partner when he first moved in started using it for his daughter’s stuff, and I feel like my space is just being taken over, and told her it was her bedroom. I never decorated it because I let him decide how it should be arranged for her, and now I’m left feeling like I don’t have any room for myself.
When my partner’s daughter first started staying with us, it was forced by her mum. We live far away, and when she was about 3, she was forced into a car for a 40-minute drive around 7 pm. It just doesn’t feel like a good situation all around.She hated coming.
On top of that, my partner doesn’t have his own place. So, now it feels like all the pressure is on me to make the living situation work, including the constant worry about the court order related to his ex and his daughter. I feel like I’m the one making all the sacrifices, and my home has become a battleground when I just wanted it to be a place for me to feel comfortable.
Has anyone else dealt with a situation where your space has been completely shaped by your partner’s kids or ex? How did you set boundaries? How do you handle it when your partner doesn’t have their own home, and you’re the one paying the mortgage but feeling like it’s not really YOUR space anymore?