Husband lied about debt

Your latest update sounds concerning, I'm sorry. Why wouldn't he show you proof he'd cleared the debt? It would take 30 seconds, you know how easy it is in this day and age.

I agree with the other posters and think it's really important you request he access his credit files on Clear Score and Equifax. This will show all of his lines of credit/debt as well as if he's had payment defaults or CCJ's against him. But the main thing is to see what accounts he has open and how much debt he really has.

He needs to figure out how he's going to pay this back. Second job, selling things etc. The fact he's talking about a holiday indicates he's no idea that you're actually broke. It's also quite clear why he's in this muddle.

Why did you send him the money, if you’re going to pay it, and not insist on transferring it yourself!?

Just saw you sent the money this morning.
If nothing else PLEASE make him transfer it directly back to you

It can be done in 60 secs in online banking

I really think its a terrible mistake to pay off his debts... which are HIS not yours legally.

I would actually leave him and go back to your mother's if its an option

I feel unwell just reading this

God knows how you feel.

I just couldn't stay married to someone like this. I just couldnt...

I probably wouldn't have sent him the money OP but pay the debt direct.

It’s not joint debt. I think him being taken to court would have been the best outcome to be honest - they could have seized his car or something to pay for it. Let him learn the hard way. This was all solved way to comfortably and easily for him.

I echo others in that you should have paid the debt off directly to the company yourself.

This all said, I did pay off a 3k debt of my partners last year but the difference is he’s paid me back without fail every month via standing order and that includes 10% interest. And I wrote up a loan agreement that we both signed. I was very clear on the terms.

So he had a debt of £5,000 and you took out a loan to pay off that debt. You didn't stand over him whilst he paid that debt off and he hasn't shown you any proof that he has. You now have a debt of £5,000 against your name and will have to pay some of that off ( plus interest) every month . If he hasn't paid the debt off that money will burn a huge hole in his pocket. Madness

Yes, this. You need to be totally sure he has paid the debt and not used your money for something else.

Worked for a long time in the finance industry, he won’t change, you have now taken out a loan that he is unlikely to pay and you will be stuck with it

and the 7k debt will be chased shortly as well

You are living somewhere you don’t want to be with a liar

Personally I would be heading back to your family/London. If you want to stay together then that has to be a non negotiable boundary for you, and he comes, finds a job and you ensure the loan is repaid.

He had his chance and blew it, you need to think of you and the kids now

I was in a v similar situation to yourself with my now deceased partner.He almost lost our home on at least 2 occasions, eventually I took on the mortgage and removed his name from it.
I've no doubt that I would have lost our home when he passed away if it hadn't been in my name.
He was bankrupt twice, stole money when he could and was totally untrustworthy.Our relationship broke down completely and he lived out his final years in an annexe attached to our home.
I agree with those who say you should request proof that he has paid the debt but I think the trust is gone.
At one time I had all our post put in a locked postbox so I could check for his debts.He met the postman in our local village and got the post before me.You just can't win with that kind of mindset.

Oh OP why haven’t you insisted he show you that he’s used the loan you took out to immediately pay off the debt? Online banking means we have instant access now to information at our fingertips through our phones. He has zero excuse for not showing you right now if you ask him to. So ask him to.

I’m amazed you took out a loan for him , it wasn’t a joint debt it was his.
I’d be checking your credit score.
I would have paid off the loan myself , you need proof immediately he’s paid it off.
You need to see the DD he has set up to pay you back.
I’d leave personally , if you do that you’re stick with the debt though because he’s got you to take it out in your name.
You’ve also got a new baby , you don’t make it easy for yourself.

OP, this is genuinely said with kindness but WAKE UP. He has lied to you repeatedly. Racked up debt repeatedly. Why would you take out a loan to help him but even worse why would you give him the money and trust him to use it for the debt not whatever else he's spunked all the other money on? Don't stand for this any more. Tell him he pays the money towards the debt now or you and the kids walk. Worst case scenario, cancel the loan, tell them he bullied you into it and took the money. No matter how deep in debt i was i would not allow my partner to bail me out, and if i did I would be handing over the evidence instantly. He's being a complete twat. Don't let him.

You shouldn't have transferred the money to him - you should have settled the debt directly if you were going to pay it. You are right to separate from him. He's a liability. Are you registered with Clear Score and Equifax? You need this to make sure he doesn't take on more debt in your name. Best get legal advice about how to avoid him draining your assets and getting into more debt before divorce. I would get copies of all assets, savings, pensions, debts in case he goes on a bender. Very cynical of him to accept your birthday treats before dropping this bombshell. You deserve much better than this.

Another thing I would do in your shoes OP, is make sure that you get to the post before he does, every single day, and make sure you open EVERYTHING, not just your own stuff. That way, if there are any other debts that he hasn't worked up the courage to tell you about yet, you will likely find them. Alternatively, get on all of the three major credit check companies, and get him to show you HIS records.

He can log into his account to show the payment. Ask him to do it now.

I feel like I’m betraying him venting all this on this forum

Hasn't he betrayed you though? Especially your trust. I would be extremely careful here OP, it sounds like he's not really taking this debt or your wants/needs very seriously.

You need to start looking out for yourself and your children, because he is not living the same reality as you are. He will drag you down.

Mske it a priority after maternity leave to get your career back on track.

And make sure he keeps up the payments on the loan that you took out to cover the debt that he no longer has, and is in the process of forgetting about.

You've just handed over 5 and a half grand to him, to pay off a secretive debt and he sulks and tells you he wants to go on holiday? He is a bell end, sorry. That's ridiculous. I'd have strangled him.

I would do two things, I would sit down with him, it will take several sessions, book them in the diary, and go through everything so you've got full visibility of what you're implicated in. That for me would have been a condition of the loan.

Secondly, I would head off to my mums for a few days if that is what you're drawn to do, and tell him you need time to clear your head and work out what you need.

It sounds very much like he's got main character energy in this relationship and you're going along for the ride. What would you change if you had more agency? I would have a solid Plan B.

He’s not a great person if he’s got into debt and lied about it and expects you to sort things out loan wise and so on. I’d be thinking about staying with your mother.

The worrying thing here is you're on mat leave and you've just bailed him out...and the next day he talks about holidays? It sounds like he hasn't learnt from this at all. I'd be so hurt he hadn't told me but also extremely worried that nothing is going to change in the future. Why didn't he tell you when it became obvious it wasn't 'under control' rather than wait until he was forced to? Are you sure there is nothing else he hasn't told you? What's he going to do differently? What are you going to do differently? I wouldn't be keen on the 'be grateful for what you've got' comment which sounds like he is minising or dismissing your (what sound like valid) concerns, especially if there is a viable alternative such as moving somewhere cheaper.

I'd also be having a serious think about protecting myself for the future, just in case. Is living rurally and taking a step down at work going to safeguard your options in case things do go tits up in your marriage? Did you compromise about where you lived or is it all on his terms? What do you or the kids get out of living close to his parents?

It’s exhausting always being the sensible one where money is concerned. Agree with separating your finances, absolutely no more loans or holidays until all debts are paid. I’d make him set up a monthly direct debit to you as soon as his wages come in (assuming he works), covering his fair share of all family living expenses AND extra to meet loan payments. If he can’t agree to that I’d assume he's not willing to work with you to clear up his mess. I don’t think this will get better unless you take control of all family finances, not ideal but something like this should be non-negotiable if you want to stay together. Good luck x

Another one coming on to ask are you sure he paid that money to the bank?