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Original poster

What should I do for the best?

54 replies

worriedsickson19 · 09/02/2026 23:30

I am looking for advice, but please be kind as I am really struggling right now.
2 DC’s, 19yr old DS (have posted about the struggles with him before) and 16yr old DD. Have been divorced for 7 yrs, kids 50:50 with their Dad when he isn’t drinking, then they choose to stay with me. DD has become more volatile over the last year, is angry all the time and I feel like I am walking on eggshells.
I have been with my partner for nearly 6 yrs, we are engaged and have set a date for 2027 wedding. Over the past few years we have done holidays/weekends away, with all or some of the kids, he has 3 kids, 2 older and left home, one 17yr old DD still at home. My DD enjoys her company and they always have a good laugh when we go away together. We have decided that the time is right to move in together, so in the autumn of this year, he will sell his house and move into mine, with his DD, who will be able to chose how much time she lives with us and how much time with her Mum. Both my kids are used to seeing him around as he always stays with me when his daughter is with her Mum and my DC’s would/should be with their Dad. Over the last 6 months, they have been mostly with me, so have seen more of him.
My DD has totally lost it, she is very angry about him moving in and will shout and swear at me, is moody, won’t talk to me, takes things the wrong way and refuses to communicate and says that she hates me and hates being at her Dads and once my partner moves in, there won’t be anywhere that she feels happy.
I am devastated about this as him moving in will be such a relief to have the emotional, practical and financial support that I am desperate for and have waited so long for, to put the DC’s needs first. I know that she is struggling with her emotions, worried about her Dad and has the pressure of exams and she feels that she shouldn’t have to have a “stranger” in her home and that she doesn’t want or need a Father figure in her home.
I am genuinely devastated and having to tell my partner that she doesn’t want him here, when he thinks the world of her, is killing me. I feel like an emotional punchbag right now, she physically hit me late last year when I had to make a decision that she didn’t like (safe guarding issue), which has been really tough for me.
Am I being unreasonable, should I put her first and tell my partner we should wait for another year?
or Am I being reasonable and crack on with it and hope she see’s all the good things about having him living with us?

OP posts:
ImFinePMSL · 10/02/2026 00:45

Am I being reasonable and crack on with it and hope she see’s all the good things about having him living with us?

What are the “good things” about him in regards to your daughter?

Please can you explain how him moving in will benefit her?

Toomanyclothesinthecloset · 10/02/2026 00:16

I think that this is a bad idea. You could damage both your relationships. Your daughter, who is at a difficult age will feel unheard and may feel you are not listening to her needs. Your partner, by moving him into a hostile environment where he isn't wanted, especially if he is selling his house, where does he go if it doesn't work out? I think I would put it on the back burner till your daughter feels more onboard. I would also try and open communication with her about the families plans moving forward and ask her for input whilst letting her know your wants and needs. I think it needs to feel like a family/joint decision to blend both households.

outerspacepotato · 10/02/2026 00:07

differentnameforthisthread · 10/02/2026 00:04

Honestly? I wouldn't move a partner into a home of teenage DC with multiple issues and an alcoholic Dad unless they were absolutely on board with it. I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear. I was the child of a widowed parent and I would've absolutely despised having my Dad's partner move in when I was a struggling teenager.

This.

You're desperate for him to move in.

Are you desperate enough to lose your daughter over him moving in?

Of course you should put your daughter ahead of your BF at this point on time.

differentnameforthisthread · 10/02/2026 00:04

Honestly? I wouldn't move a partner into a home of teenage DC with multiple issues and an alcoholic Dad unless they were absolutely on board with it. I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear. I was the child of a widowed parent and I would've absolutely despised having my Dad's partner move in when I was a struggling teenager.