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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want baby near unvaccinated toddler?

258 replies

victoriaspomge · 09/02/2026 21:53

So basically my partner wants his half brother's (same dad) younger half brother (same mum) to come and meet our baby.
He has a daughter who is 2 years old who he says is our kids cousin.

My partner is no relation to him or his daughter biologically but because they share a half brother he feels as if it's his brother as well and that they are family.

He dosent really know him and doesn't have his number and has only met him in the last 10 years.

They only hang out if it's with their mutual half brother.

I know the 'brother' is very anti vax and has not got his 2 year old vaccinated despite living in a city where it has had a lot of cases of measles.

Baby is too young to be have the MMR and I am extremely worried about my baby meeting this 2 year old.

AIBU to feel like this?

FullLondonEye · 10/02/2026 18:47

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 12:13

Well of course. But theres nothing i( or my parents) couldve done differently. Unless they didnt send me to school

Edited

Well they could have vaccinated you?

FullLondonEye · 10/02/2026 18:32

TaraC25 · 10/02/2026 12:10

A friends daughter went blind because she caught her eye on a coat hook at school - really really unfortunate freak accident. Just to make the point that unfortunate luck can happen to anyone; vaccinated or not.

The fact any human can think a government should have rights over another human beings body, is utterly insane.

I meet people in theirs 90s that decline the flu vaccine every year. Not everyone is a follower. Should they go to prison too?

Edited

Do we not all make an effort to avoid catching our eyes on hooks, though? Would it not make similar sense to try and avoid infectious diseases? 🙄

NeverSeenThatColourBlue · 10/02/2026 17:28

Noneyerbuisness11234 · 10/02/2026 17:14

If a child is unvaccinated then they would b sick with said things like measles there’s more chance of a vaccinated child carrying the disease whilst not being effected because they’re vaccinated so u wouldn’t b better not letting anyone near ur baby until they’re vaccinated

This is not correct.

There is still an intubation period with unvaccinated children and it is likely to be at least 4 days before symptoms show.

Vaccinated children are much less likely to catch measles and therefore to pass it on. If they do catch it it may be milder but is unlikely to be completely asymptomatic.

Noneyerbuisness11234 · 10/02/2026 17:14

If a child is unvaccinated then they would b sick with said things like measles there’s more chance of a vaccinated child carrying the disease whilst not being effected because they’re vaccinated so u wouldn’t b better not letting anyone near ur baby until they’re vaccinated

Mumski45 · 10/02/2026 16:01

Ask your partner which is more important to him. The safety of his child or the feelings of the adults involved.

over50andfab · 10/02/2026 15:50

It's interesting what a PP mentioned about measles infection causing low immune function for a few years afterwards which can leave people susceptible to other illnesses. I've just realised why myself, my DSIS and DB contracted other illnesses the following year - other than them maybe being prevalent at the time. According to my DM's records we all had measles in 1965, then whooping cough (even though vaccinated for it) and glandular fever in 1966. This was before the vaccines were available. I remember her saying how run arse ragged she was looking after us, to the point she had to stop breastfeeding our youngest DB, and how some of her friend's children didn't survive.

Have I vaccinated my DC? Although I was ok, and have lifelong immunity to measles, you bet I have.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 15:32

SinnerBoy · 10/02/2026 09:50

TaraC25 · Today 09:39

But as described by a PP below, lots of children and adults are also damaged from having the vaccine itself.

https://cks.nice.org.uk/topics/measles/background-information/complications/

  • Complications of measles occur in 10–20% of people in developed countries, but the number may be much higher in developing countries.
  • Blindness can result from measles keratoconjunctivitis or other ocular complications, and occurs mainly in children with vitamin A deficiency. Measles is a leading cause of childhood blindness globally.

https://www.cdc.gov/measles/signs-symptoms/index.html

Side effects of the MMR vaccine
Like all medicines, the MMR vaccine can cause side effects, but not everyone will get them.
Common side effects are usually mild and only last 2 to 3 days, they include:

  • a raised, blotchy rash (similar to a measles rash), feeling unwell and a high temperature around 7 to 11 days after the vaccination
  • swollen glands around the cheeks, neck and jaw and aching in your joints (similar to a mild form of mumps) around 2 to 3 weeks after the vaccination
More serious side effects, such as a severe allergic reaction (anaphylaxis) are rare. The person who vaccinates you will be trained to deal with allergic reactions and treat them immediately.

https://www.nhs.uk/vaccinations/mmr-vaccine/

"Side effects of the MMR vaccine
Like all medicines, the MMR vaccine can cause side effects, but not everyone will get them.
Common side effects are usually mild and only last 2 to 3 days, they include:

  • a raised, blotchy rash (similar to a measles rash), feeling unwell and a high temperature around 7 to 11 days after the vaccination
  • swollen glands around the cheeks, neck and jaw and aching in your joints (similar to a mild form of mumps) around 2 to 3 weeks after the vaccination"

So these are within the incubation period of mumps and measles and are definitely not mumps and measles, just similar.
Handy to know.

SinnerBoy · 10/02/2026 15:29

over50andfab · Today 14:44

Sorry to hear that. 2 doses are 95% effective against measles, however no vaccine is 100%

It's actually 97% for two doses and 93% for a single one. Some publications combine the two figures and say 95% without differentiating.

For measles, the herd immunity threshold is 95% vaccination rate, which results in people unvaccinated - for whatever reason, simply not being exposed to the virus. Tragically, because of disinformation, which is believed by people, we're significantly below that currently.

SinnerBoy · 10/02/2026 15:25

TaraC25 · Today 13:28

Well of course loosing a child at any age is sad. Children still die now, despite vaccines.

In vastly fewer numbers, of course, because many common diseases have effectively been eradicated - by vaccinations. When did you last see a charity box for the deaf, dumb and blind? (A not unusual complication of measles). How about polio kids with calipers, or on breathing devices?

So your argument is that all children should receive a vaccine now, because 250 years ago some children died from something else?

They were dying of the same diseases we vaccinate for now.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 15:01

over50andfab · 10/02/2026 14:58

Re Pertussis, I couldn't find UK data for last/this year (maybe someone else can for all of last year) but came across this which makes for sad reading https://pharmaceutical-journal.com/article/news/whooping-cough-cases-increase-by-1600-in-a-year-data-show

I can't read the rest without registering but now there should be a lot more immunity. Illnesses will go in cycles.
Adults generally don't get the characteristic whoop it's more likely to go undiagnosed.

over50andfab · 10/02/2026 14:58

Re Pertussis, I couldn't find UK data for last/this year (maybe someone else can for all of last year) but came across this which makes for sad reading https://pharmaceutical-journal.com/article/news/whooping-cough-cases-increase-by-1600-in-a-year-data-show

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 14:49

StandingSideBySide · 10/02/2026 14:42

We weren’t recommended or offered anything regarding adult vaccines
Not even dh or I. Is this a recent thing ?

@ContentedAlpaca

Edited

The bullet points were from here.
https://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/fact_sheets/whooping_cough/

I was looking for information about how long immunity from pertussis vaccine lasts. (4-10 years), so there are probably lots of unprotected adults around.

However, to complicate things, immunity from infection is more long lasting (7-20 years)
So many of these adults whose vaccine immunity waned long ago may have had since had an infection, mild or otherwise, that has left them with immunity
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5404361/

Kids Health Info : Whooping cough

https://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/fact_sheets/whooping_cough/

over50andfab · 10/02/2026 14:44

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 13:02

Measles isn't always avoidable though. I didn't avoid it

Sorry to hear that. 2 doses are 95% effective against measles, however no vaccine is 100%

StandingSideBySide · 10/02/2026 14:42

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:34

So does that mean the vaccine they give mums during pregnancy is pointless then? Thought that was to protect the babies until they had the vaccines themselves

The father's of the 2 babies I know ( both under 14 months) were never offered boosters

Edited

We weren’t recommended or offered anything regarding adult vaccines
Not even dh or I. Is this a recent thing ?

@ContentedAlpaca

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/02/2026 14:38

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:34

So does that mean the vaccine they give mums during pregnancy is pointless then? Thought that was to protect the babies until they had the vaccines themselves

The father's of the 2 babies I know ( both under 14 months) were never offered boosters

Edited

Vaccination while pregnant passes antibodies on to baby but protection is short term until baby can receive its own vaccinations.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 14:38

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:34

So does that mean the vaccine they give mums during pregnancy is pointless then? Thought that was to protect the babies until they had the vaccines themselves

The father's of the 2 babies I know ( both under 14 months) were never offered boosters

Edited

I guess it must offer some, but not complete protection if they are advising it? Presumably from antibodies passed from the mother.

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:34

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 14:32

I found this really interesting. I hope grandma gets her booster to protect baby!

  • All babies less than six months old are at risk of catching whooping cough because they have not completed the three-dose primary vaccine course. This risk period is longer if the six-month vaccines are not given on time.
  • Protection against whooping cough can last for up to 10 years after a booster dose but starts to wane after 4-5 years.
  • A booster dose of adult whooping cough vaccine is recommended for all parents of newborns. Grandparents and other carers in contact with children who are less than six months old should also have an adult pertussis booster, even if they have been infected with whooping cough in the past.
  • Every adult is susceptible to whooping cough infection unless they have had a recent pertussis booster. Adults are the ones most likely to spread infection to babies under six months who are not yet fully vaccinated.

So does that mean the vaccine they give mums during pregnancy is pointless then? Thought that was to protect the babies until they had the vaccines themselves

The father's of the 2 babies I know ( both under 14 months) were never offered boosters

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 14:32

I found this really interesting. I hope grandma gets her booster to protect baby!

  • All babies less than six months old are at risk of catching whooping cough because they have not completed the three-dose primary vaccine course. This risk period is longer if the six-month vaccines are not given on time.
  • Protection against whooping cough can last for up to 10 years after a booster dose but starts to wane after 4-5 years.
  • A booster dose of adult whooping cough vaccine is recommended for all parents of newborns. Grandparents and other carers in contact with children who are less than six months old should also have an adult pertussis booster, even if they have been infected with whooping cough in the past.
  • Every adult is susceptible to whooping cough infection unless they have had a recent pertussis booster. Adults are the ones most likely to spread infection to babies under six months who are not yet fully vaccinated.
Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:31

BoredZelda · 10/02/2026 14:22

generally

Most do so because of staffing requirements. You aren’t going to have a bunch of toddlers who could be looked after by fewer staff, in a room where the staffing ratio is 1:3.

It was 1:3 ratio in the baby room up to 2 years at DS nursery so not getting point of your posts. And some of those kids are old enough to have vaccines and some arent

Also not all the kids were full time so a bigger amount of kids DS went 4 days, some 2 days so other kids made up the other 3 days etc

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/02/2026 14:30

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:19

How quickly? Surely if that's the case most people are unprotected?

Adults are recommended to get TDAP every 10 years. I caught pertussis when travelling and it was awful (I didn't know I had it, just though very sick with bronchitis). Managed to get to a doctor and get antibiotics. The cough was horrifying - I literally though I would die as I couldn't get air in/out mid coughing fit.
After I got home and recovered I got updated vaccinations for everything. I've done it a couple of times, not including pregnancy vaccinations.

StandingSideBySide · 10/02/2026 14:26

BoredZelda · 10/02/2026 14:22

generally

Most do so because of staffing requirements. You aren’t going to have a bunch of toddlers who could be looked after by fewer staff, in a room where the staffing ratio is 1:3.

I agree but
Like I said at meal times etc it’s not the case

In terms of babies theoretically protected by being in a seperate environment for most of the time this is only relevant if they don’t have older siblings or all older siblings are vaccinated.

ContentedAlpaca · 10/02/2026 14:23

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:19

How quickly? Surely if that's the case most people are unprotected?

It wanes around 10% per year.

www.cdc.gov/pertussis/hcp/vaccine-recommendations/index.html#:~:text=Immunity%20to%20pertussis%20following%20Tdap,protection%20against%20tetanus%20and%20diphtheria.

Thechaseison71 · 10/02/2026 14:23

BoredZelda · 10/02/2026 14:19

If I had a child who couldn’t be vaccinated, I’d have taken each situation on a risk by risk basis. Many nurseries insist on vaccination, except where a child can’t be vaccinated. I’d probably look in to that. I’d also take advice from the GP. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have a child you can’t protect. That’s why if find it difficult to understand why people choose not to.

You said in NO world would you let your baby near an unvaccinated toddler.

StandingSideBySide · 10/02/2026 14:23

BoredZelda · 10/02/2026 14:19

If I had a child who couldn’t be vaccinated, I’d have taken each situation on a risk by risk basis. Many nurseries insist on vaccination, except where a child can’t be vaccinated. I’d probably look in to that. I’d also take advice from the GP. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have a child you can’t protect. That’s why if find it difficult to understand why people choose not to.

Nurseries in the U.K. cannot legally insist on vaccinations