Having a cleaner but no job

What would you do with the time saved by not cleaning? If you are going to use it to actively engage with your children I would say a cleaner is very worthwhile.

Happy to be corrected on this, as I appreciate I'm partly reading between the lines, but it sounds like maintaining an exceptionally large house has become what your family/life has become about.

Your husband working away from the family to pay for it, you trying to get time away from the kids/cut their clubs to maintain it whilst not being able to afford other luxuries.

I would zoom out a little and think about what you want out of life. It seems a lot is being sacrificed for excessive bricks and mortar. Is it a life you will look back on in 20/30/40/50 years time and be happy with?

Bear in mind that all houses need money spent on repairs and occasional updates. I wouldn't like to be facing the costs of replacing bathrooms/kitchens or re-tarmacing a drive down the line.

Our house is about half the size of yours (5 bed, 3 bathroom) on an acre and I look forward to the day the 4 kids are up and we can downsize.

Re the cleaner, if none of your personal outgoings can be cut i would close off as many rooms as possible and stop using/regularly cleaning them and then do one room a day. But I loathe cleaning. I would rather work a little extra and pay for it to be done.

I don't know what your clubs cost, but I would have to cut way more than one to directly replace my cleaners pay.

Cleaner ccsts us about £56 pr week where as swimming is £12 pr week and most other clubs are much less expensive, something like £5-ish.

A robot vacuum cleaner would earn its keep.

Also agree with reducing the amount of bathrooms being used.

If you did just 30mins a day of cleaning a day that would be 3.5 hours a week. Enough to keep on top of bathrooms and dusting if you get the robot vacuum. Kitchen gets cleaned as and when you're cooking/cleaning up after dinner. The 2yo can have 30mins of TV time every day while you clean.

That is MASSIVE! No judgement on the house size, you do what you want but fuck me if I'd be willing to clean that much! We had a cleaner when we had a 650 sq ft flat! I would absolutely pay for a cleaner and for sure, kids do not need 5 clubs each! I would actually say that is too many, unless you need the clubs for childcare!

I had a cleaner on Mat leave still

I got nothing done with a baby! When she napped it was time for me to have lunch, tidy up, make dinner, exercise, put a load of washing on but no way I could fit in a full house clean

I'm in get the cleaner camp. You're husband's away lots and your house is totally massive.

I remember during lockdown and my cleaner wasn’t able to come. I was then always in the house, with messy kids and it felt never ending!!!! So you have my sympathy. Drop a class and get a cleaner.

happy mum is a good mum. You don’t need to justify to strangers on internet, it’s a perfectly reasonable decision.

I agree with pp, cut a club and get a cleaner. Your wellbeing is important too.

I managed as a kid without all these clubs, activities and being ferried around by parents. I either walked or rode my bike to things like brownies and sunday school which was all there was in terms of extras. Children now get spoiled rotten so they need to learn they are not the center of the universe and how to amuse themselves. Cancel the club. They will probably not even notice.

It is not a question of 'digging deep'. I suspect you have no idea how big a 6,000 sq ft house is.

@Blondeshavemorefun it wont be a normal 5 bed. 6000sq ft is BIG.

www.zoopla.co.uk/new-homes/details/70347736/?console=open&tab=floor_plans

Dig deep 🙄

Once a fortnight is fine for a cleaner, they can do the deep clean and leave you to keep on top if it in between.

You could save money towards it by:

• just use 2 of the bathrooms, shut the doors on the others and don’t heat them
• shut the door on the spare 5th bedroom and don’t heat it
• 5 clubs per child when they are so young is a lot! Depending on what the clubs are, cutting back by just one per week would probably cover a fair % of a 2 hour clean every fortnight
• Look at your bills - can you save? Do you get takeaways that you could skip every now and then to afford a cleaner? Do you buy ready meals when you could cook from scratch cheaper etc?

I’m on a fairly low income, but I still employ a cleaner. For £40 every fortnight, in 2 hours my cleaner does more than I’d manage in 5, tbh! I have realised that, once I got over the guilt trip of employing a cleaner - omg, it makes life so much easier.

It's your money, do with it what makes life better for you, and ultimately your family.

I clicked YANBU before reading you wanted to stop a kid's club! Cut done on something else, not your kids' activities.

You need a cleaner. Keeping on top of a 6000 square foot house with a 2 year old is impossible. Is it an old house? That also makes things harder IMO.

Personally, I would drop the toddler's swim class and have some cleaning hours in a heartbeat. The toddler can swim later.

What jobs do you hate? I always did washing up and kept the surfaces clean but I hated changing the beds and moping the kitchen floor. What would help you the most? Bathrooms and hoovering? Downstairs or upstairs?

I do agree with this and it caused me to have a breakdwon but I was doing a phd and working three jobs! so working more than full-time

Are you a slow whilst working or do you get distracted by the little one? Or procrastinate? Be honest with yourself and work on whatever is holding you back. Kid in a playpen whilst vacuuming or mopping, take the little one with you in a sling or by the hand if they can help tidy up the toys. You can do this!! Please don’t take anything away from your kids just because you struggle to dig deep.

Get your cleaner back and don’t feel one bit bad about it !
and you haven’t got “no job” you’re full time looking after a 2 year old and your other two children. 2 year olds are full on. Three children is a lot of work.

A few clubs - isn’t 5 each

few is 2/3

I live in a 3 bed average semi so have no idea of square footage but if yours is 5 bed/bath and 5000 - mine is prob 500

your salary would have been more than the nanny’s salary so sure you can afford a cleaner without stopping a kids club (tho again they don’t need 5 each)

it may be dh dream house but if are you going to be a sahm forever you may need to think of selling and downsizing

I get 5 bed is nice so a room each and spare but sure can find a smaller 5 bed house

Do it!
I had a cleaner as a SAHM and we were pretty poor at the time so it was a sacrifice but absolutely worth it. I’m so glad I did as it meant more time actually playing with my kids and finding fun things to do with them rather than a stressed mum always cleaning. It’s also reallly fine to cut expenditure on a children’s activity (which let’s face it are often more about keeping up with the middle class expectations than actually particularly beneficial). I’d bet the kids would be equally as happy with one less club and a less stressed mum. Go to the park or find a cheap swimming pool instead.

6000sq ft is insane! I grew up in a 3500 sq ft house (excluding loft) & I wouldn’t even live in a house that big. It’s too much work.

I was stressed beyond belief trying to clean and tidy with a toddler as she wasn’t able to play and was attached to me constantly (turns out she has AuDHD) so I couldn’t get anything done, so I do empathise with your situation. If it were me I would close off some unused rooms if you can. I’d get the cleaner but fewer hours and just for the jobs you’re not good at eg. For me it would be dusting and mopping.

Maybe rotate through the rooms tackling one or two each day and create a cleaning/tidying schedule. Can you clean the bathroom while kids are in the bath? That was how I’d get it done when mine was little. Can your husband and kids help with a nightly reset so you’re tidy in the morning? Decluttering is also essential if you want an easier to clean home. Do you have a lot of stuff? Is there anything you can sell perhaps?

I think 5 clubs is a lot, just from a tiredness perspective. You all need to balance activities with downtime and you must be running all over the place taking them to things. You’ll probably save on petrol and be less stressed with fewer activities.

I find this post a little strange....

I reckon a large 5 bed executive detached house with 5 beds and three bathrooms would be c 2,500 feet.

So your house is apparently the size of 2 x large executive residences ...

You're apparently finding it hard to clean it with a 2 year old trailing behind you?

I can't see how it's possible to clean a house of that size with a 2 year old.

The cost of heating and maintaining a house of that size would be considerable.
The cost of a cleaner would be negligible within the overall upkeep costs.

If you can afford to live on that scale, you can afford a cleaner.