4 year old never gets award

Stop telling people to let it go - as if you have some kind of higher parenting knowledge and know this isn’t an issue. It’s an issue for OP and some children are sensitive and do pick up on this kind of unfair situation.

OP - you’ve raised it. I would give it until March then raise it again - this time requesting that your daughter gets it soon so that she doesn’t lose her motivation and confidence.

What is the point of having behaviour mechanisms if children can’t fairly participate? Either they’re genuinely winning them off merits or it’s rotational. It’s not fair to just award to those kids who “need” the extra boost. Lots of well behaved quieter kids also need a boost every now and then.

Perhaps she's not getting an award as she being very "cheeky" at school.

That’s not what she said.

It is true that being active in the PTA usually correlates with being active in your child’s education.

No one said that you can’t also be active in your child’s education without being part of the PTA.

Wow, I didn't realise not being on the PTA was indicative of not being invested in my children's education, not reading to them, not supporting them in their learning, not helping them practice. I always thought PTA involvement was a sign of being gregarious with other parents and good at organising events. It's really great that some parents are able and willing to devote time and energy to fundraising. And it wouldn't be hugely surprising if the school staff's natural appreciation for PTA efforts was converted into subliminal favouritism for those families and their children. But please don't conflate PTA activity with superior parenting.

Did you phrase it as though you were asking how you could support her learning at home, or did you very clearly reference the Friday awards/ assembly/ newsletter? Some times you just need to be very specific.

The teachers response seems to indicate you were not being clear that you were asking about the awards.

You will learn as your child goes through school that it is better to be very specific in dealings with school, often it is useful to follow up with something concrete, like an email or a note.Teachers are holding lots of information in their heads and verbal information can easily be forgotten.

Primary teacher here. Leaving a child out like this is very unusual. Usually a teacher is hunting desperately for something for which a child who hasn’t received an award yet can be given one (though that doesn’t sound like your child). My guess is that it’s a mistake of some sort, e.g. her name got accidentally left off the list where the teacher keeps track of who’s had an award (at least, that’s what a decent teacher does).

I’d advise mentioning it to the teacher in a non-accusatory sort of way, e.g. "Is there anything I can help Delilah with, to make it more likely for her to ever get a class award?"

Yes think you’re right. I was going to post something similar but couldn’t quite organise my thinking in to words. But you’ve put it very well.

I remember as a supply teacher watching a Friday assembly where a child from each class went to the front to get the weekly award. A little girl next to me sighed: "It's always the naughty ones, isn't it, Miss?"

Those are your insecurities speaking, and nothing to do with your child.

Hmm - she might just be mediocre, like most of us...

Or you have said she is "cheeky" a LOT. She might be a bit of a bother, in which case she isn't going to get rewarded.

What happens when she is "cheeky" in your presence? Does she know that is NOT OKAY?

Do raise it with the school. It will be having an impact on her self esteem. They introduced certificates, 3 each week per year group if I remember correctly, when I was in year 5. I didn't get a single one. I was a very middle-of-the-road sort of kid, and it was always the trouble makers, academically struggling and high achievers who got them. Within the last few weeks of year 6 I mentioned it to the TA, conversationally, I certainly wasn't hinting, and she was shocked. She organised for me to have a special one which was really sweet of her. These things are never 'fair' but I should imagine there's been some sort of oversight and the teacher doesn't realise she's being excluded, so please do say something.

I was a straight A student the entire way through school, took part in loads of extra curricular activities, represented the school in a number of competitions.. I was the only person in my year who never received a prize at prizegiving (held annually). I’m still bitter now! Do speak to the school!

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that. How depressing.

OP no harm raising it. You can do it without being ‘pushy’.

I think people mistake correlation and causation. Kids with parents on the PTA = kids whose parents are invested in their education, aka those who read with them every night, do the homework together, help them practice and learn lines etc. So the kids perform well and get awards and parts in plays etc because they are confident, doing well academically and well behaved (generally).

Is she actually making any effort to win? Is she purposefully being kinder, perservering with hard tasks or working hard in order to win or does she just expect to be given an award without doing anything to get it?

Speak to the teacher and ask if there’s anything DD could focus on to try to achieve the award as she hasn’t had one yet (this lets teacher know but doesn’t assume she should be given one without trying). Then speak to DD about what was mentioned so when she does win it’s FOR something and not just box ticking everyone’s name off a list.

Teach her HOW to win not that everyone SHOULD win.

Has the teacher explained the rationale behind the awards? Some might be given out purely on merit, so if your DD is a steady "plodder" who always completes the task but not exceptionally so then she might not stand out (against a background of children who do). She might just be missing the mark if other kids are suddenly making great progress with something they've struggled with and that's being recognised. If it's on a rota system where the aim is to ensure all children get an award for something, no matter how tenuous the link to achievement is, then she might have been inadvertently missed off the list.

I don't think your DD will be only one who hasn't had any yet, there will be some others who haven't either unless it's simply a rota system and she's been mistakenly left off?

I would definitely raise it politely with the teacher if your DD is getting increasingly despondent over it, whichever system they're using, and stress that your DD is getting unmotivated as no matter how hard she tries, she feels she's not good enough to earn an award. As PPs have said, they can always find something to praise, it shouldn't be that hard!

It's good to hear from some actual primary school teachers that they have systems to ensure all children receive this encouragement. If only this was the case everywhere. My DTwins attended an apparently idyllic village school in Hampshire and the levels of favouritism were breathtaking. We had year groups of c10 and a fortnightly Superstar award per class, always with different criteria. It was always the kids from the 'In' group who received them, the same kids time after time. The teachers used to complain to me that my sons asked too many questions and put their hands up too often. I think what they really didn't like was that they had a muddy walk to school (plus a den along the route) and turned up looking like they had had fun on the way to school rather than emerging pristine from a Volvo at the school gate. DTwins were never singled out for parts, recognition or to represent the school- it became a running joke in the family and amongst the 'Out' group of parents.

Some schools are just like that, @DesperateDad80 I don't think it holds kids back or ruins their confidence so long as they get encouragement and praise from their parents and other significant adults.

Although I agree with this, as a parent of 3 children who've been through primary and as a former Reception teacher - be the pushy parent!
Don't be afraid to say 'my child hasn't had an award yet and is upset about it'.
It doesn't matter if the teacher likes you or not, don't worry about being labelled that parent.
The squeaky wheel gets oiled at primary school, and you have to stick up for your kid first and foremost - no one else will.

Please, take this from a mother of 4 who has been through the primary school thing 3 times now (my youngest will be starting next year). Not trying to be patronising by saying that. You're getting overly invested in this, and you're making it about you and your anxieties, which you need to be careful not to pass on to her.

You have already raised it. I'd give it a while longer before saying anything again. It's likely she receives plenty of praise in other contexts at school.

It's basically just a sticker or a piece of paper. Her time will come, anyway.

I know - me too - it’s quite scary isn’t it

I was laughing at the idea of describing a four year old child as 'mediocre' - what on earth do people expect children to be doing at that age??

Well thankfully the idea is to encourage not to teach them a very tough life lesson at a very young age

I remember in reception DD suddenly started bringing home loads of “books” she’d made with elaborate stories and lots of sellotape. She was making them at night too to take in, her output was insane.

She got an award in assembly at the end of that week for “her incredible storytelling”, told us she knew she’d get it as she’d worked out the system and planned the whole thing. No more books were made lol.

😂

This happened to my son - and literally a third of the kids in his class in year 1. They give out 'dojo' points and you get celebrated at assembly when you get to 100. When my son finally got to 100, I turned up to see basically a third of the other parents in his class - it was really clear that these were the 'mediocre' kids who didn't get them for being amazing, or as a reward for not behaving badly. It was soul crushing, actually.