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AIBU?

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Original poster

BF childish language

58 replies

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 18:31

Hi,
I've name changed for this.

Would you have the ick if someone in their 40s constantly complained of 'tummy ache' (I don't know why, but it conjours up images of a poorly 5 year old rather than a grown adult)

I've really noticed a pattern in this person complaining quite extensively about various health ailments, almost like they want a mummy to fix it for them.

Maybe I'm not making sense, but it's been a continuous cycle throughout our "relationship" and I'm running out of patience with hearing it.. He's like a stuck record.

Majority of time it's self-inflicted with poor diet etc

OP posts:
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Original poster
ShudderIck · 10/02/2026 09:05

VividPinkTraybake · 09/02/2026 23:07

You can dump anyone for anything but caring about MN entertainment and traffic value is more childish than anything he has said.

You obviously don't like him, go live your life without needing internet strangers to laugh at him with you.

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I'm really not that invested, if I hadn't got any replies I wouldn't have crumbled and been unable to go about my life.
I was just curious on people's thoughts on the behaviour, that the idea of a forum isn't it, that people use it to share, advise and offload in a 'safe space'

I don't want anyone to laugh at him, I'm not that unkind.
I am struggling with the feelings I am experiencing and I just wanted a bit of support because after having been in a previously abusive relationship, I sometimes question my own perspective and wanted to gain some clarity on whether it sounded like unusual behaviour for his age.

OP posts:
ArtyFarty29 · 10/02/2026 08:53

Does his name begin with A?
I briefly dated someone like this, can’t remember what language he used but he always had a sore stomach that he complained about endlessly, because he literally never ate fresh food - only beige oven food, sweets and crisps and takeaways.

VividPinkTraybake · 09/02/2026 23:07

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 19:36

As explained above, I used the work ick purely for MN entertainment/traffic value and "poorly 5 year old" was meant in a whiny pathetic tone, I didn't use the term poorly in a serious sense. To me "poorly" and "tummy" are up there with "wee wee" and "scaredy cat"..!!

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You can dump anyone for anything but caring about MN entertainment and traffic value is more childish than anything he has said.

You obviously don't like him, go live your life without needing internet strangers to laugh at him with you.

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 22:37

ExperiencedTeacher · 09/02/2026 22:34

Are you seeing my ex husband? Yes, it massively gave me the ick.

Possibly, there is an ex wife 😅

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 09/02/2026 22:37

DramaAlpaca · 09/02/2026 20:15

It would annoy me that it was self-inflicted through an awful diet, that would give me the ick.

Saying 'tummy ache' probably wouldn't give me the ick, but funnily enough use of the word 'poorly' definitely would (sorry OP!) as I utterly detest that word.

I hate the word poorly as well, even more so when its pronounced "poo-ly"
It gives me the rage 😵‍💫😟

ExperiencedTeacher · 09/02/2026 22:34

Are you seeing my ex husband? Yes, it massively gave me the ick.

NooNooHead · 09/02/2026 22:12

PashaMinaMio · 09/02/2026 18:43

It’s really strange what gives us the ick but I’d have to chuck him back. “Tummy” is what a Mummy to a toddler/small kid calls it.

I knew a chap who referred to “pills” instead of “tablets!” It made my toes curl up whenever he said it! 🤢 I have no idea why!

That and other innocuous expressions forced me to chuck him back. I think you’ll be doing the same.

What's wrong with pills? Normal name, is it not?

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:52

canisquaeso · 09/02/2026 21:46

I saw a bag on vinted that said wifey and I thought that’s it, we have all strayed too far from god’s light.

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😂😂😂

OP posts:
canisquaeso · 09/02/2026 21:46

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 19:23

This has made me laugh!

I don't mind the term Hubby, but Wifey makes me want to vomit. 😂

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I saw a bag on vinted that said wifey and I thought that’s it, we have all strayed too far from god’s light.

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:41

Dollymylove · 09/02/2026 19:37

Ugh no that would give me the ick. He sounds like a hypochondriac.

Bin him off

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Yes, this is the conclusion I've come to.

It has been quite constant and he frequently makes doctors appointments for other ailments.
I had to stop him from going to A+E for (what turned out to be) an ingrown hair. To me it was VERY obviously an ingrown: location, presentation.. But rather than trying first aid, he was going to rush to A+E... I was like You cannot be fucking serious!!!! Lo and behold, he went to the pharmacist like I suggested and it was fine a few days later.

Alas, he's the first to complain about NHS wait times.

It's a bit much to be honest. Seeing it written down is making me realise how chaotic he is...!

OP posts:
Barney16 · 09/02/2026 21:33

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2026 20:07

I can't actually see anything wrong with saying 'tummy.' Confused

legs it out of the thread!>>>>>>>>> 🏃

I'm with you.

ImPamDoove · 09/02/2026 21:29

I’m hear you, OP. Any adult saying tummy’ or ‘poorly’ is so mimsy. I’d be put off immediately.

Meteorite87 · 09/02/2026 21:26

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:12

If it's a sudden illness, he has brought medicines and snacks over. But with ongoing complaints (I have a long term sports injury which plays up now and again) he is completely indifferent and doesn't seem to give a flying fuck when I am in pain with that.

He's actually quite confusing and pretty selfish.
I have noticed of late that I am doing things like intentionally ignoring his messages etc, because he will leave me on read for hours but seems to expect a quick response from me, so I've started giving him the same treatment and energy that I receive.

Think maybe I've just recognised that I will only put my energy where it's welcomed and reciprocated..!

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So it's one rule for him but the opposite treatment for you?

It doesn't sound as if he deserves your care, let alone love.

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:25

blubberball · 09/02/2026 21:14

Sounds as though you're losing respect for each other as well

Thank you. It's been quite a journey so far!

I think I will have to say something because this "poorly me" dynamic of his cannot continue, I am getting more and more irritated by it and it's actually turning me into someone I don't recognise...!

OP posts:
blubberball · 09/02/2026 21:14

Sounds as though you're losing respect for each other as well

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:12

Meteorite87 · 09/02/2026 20:59

You have a lot of patience @ShudderIck
Hearing endless complaints about ailments that you've already given sensible advice about.

I wonder if a Dr would say what you already have, but less patiently.

Some people learn in childhood that illness begets them sympathy and extra attention.

How does he treat you when you are unwell?

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If it's a sudden illness, he has brought medicines and snacks over. But with ongoing complaints (I have a long term sports injury which plays up now and again) he is completely indifferent and doesn't seem to give a flying fuck when I am in pain with that.

He's actually quite confusing and pretty selfish.
I have noticed of late that I am doing things like intentionally ignoring his messages etc, because he will leave me on read for hours but seems to expect a quick response from me, so I've started giving him the same treatment and energy that I receive.

Think maybe I've just recognised that I will only put my energy where it's welcomed and reciprocated..!

OP posts:
GarlicBound · 09/02/2026 21:09

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:04

This is a big part of why I am giving it less time and energy, to be honest.
I'm noticing that I'm becoming a bit 'take it or leave it' mentality towards our time together.. Think I am just sick of his ailments running the show, especially when they seem a bit fictional/exaggerated.

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Yeah, that's what would bug me. I don't think I care whether it's a poorly tummy or intermittent cramping in the region of the ileum. I do care if it's pathetically repeated whining!

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 21:04

blubberball · 09/02/2026 20:51

He doesn't seem to be taking responsibility for his own health. Is he wanting you to fix him? Does he have all the qualities you're looking for in a long term relationship?

This is a big part of why I am giving it less time and energy, to be honest.
I'm noticing that I'm becoming a bit 'take it or leave it' mentality towards our time together.. Think I am just sick of his ailments running the show, especially when they seem a bit fictional/exaggerated.

OP posts:
Meteorite87 · 09/02/2026 20:59

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 19:47

He doesn't see a doctor about the stomach issues, although I'm pretty sure he would probably still say Tummy in a medical setting. It's really strange, it's almost like he's stuck in child mode in some ways.

I have over our time together made gentle suggestions about it being diet related, or about seeing the doctor as it seems to be an ongoing issue etc, but it seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.. It's almost like he just wants to complain/get attention for his "poorly tummy" rather than actually resolve it or change things.. But I realise that's what some people do to keep a cycle going.

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You have a lot of patience @ShudderIck
Hearing endless complaints about ailments that you've already given sensible advice about.

I wonder if a Dr would say what you already have, but less patiently.

Some people learn in childhood that illness begets them sympathy and extra attention.

How does he treat you when you are unwell?

blubberball · 09/02/2026 20:51

He doesn't seem to be taking responsibility for his own health. Is he wanting you to fix him? Does he have all the qualities you're looking for in a long term relationship?

JaquelineHide · 09/02/2026 20:47

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 19:00

Thank you. It tends to be "Poorly tummy" "Tummy ache" Or even "poorly tum tum"... I don't know how to say WTAF without offending him 😣

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Oooh noooo

Original poster
ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 20:44

blubberball · 09/02/2026 20:29

It's fine to say these words. It's also fine for op to find it a turn off. To each their own. Another woman may find him endearing and attractive. I don't think he's going to change. This is who he is

Thank you. The hard thing is that I do actually really love him and I find other things about him endearing and attractive.

Having read the responses, I think I've established that it's because it's a really regular complaint and I'm a bit bored of hearing it... It seems a bit 'boy who cried wolf' and particularly frustrating when, as mentioned, he's got a pretty bad diet and doesn't seem to actually want to do anything to try and find a solution/resolution.

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 09/02/2026 20:42

ShudderIck · 09/02/2026 18:56

Quite a while now but it's very surface level - sex and occasional companionship. He's emotionally quite distant.
Like I said... Seems to want someone to complain to about a poorly tummy and to receive an 'aww there there' in return.

I sound like a cold hearted cow, I promise you I'm not, I just run out of patience when people aren't actually helping themselves...!

Edited
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Giving me the ick! Doesn't sound serious. Put him in the bin.

blubberball · 09/02/2026 20:29

It's fine to say these words. It's also fine for op to find it a turn off. To each their own. Another woman may find him endearing and attractive. I don't think he's going to change. This is who he is

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 09/02/2026 20:18

🏃 <<<<<runs back in to the thread>>>>>

I say 'poorly' too.

legs it back out!>>>>>>> 🏃