AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

Can OP fix this by helicoptering in to 'make memories' when she hasn't bothered for two thirds of his life ?
His stepmother and Dad have done the hard parenting and they are reaping the benefits. OP has put partying and holidays with friends before his wants and needs. She still only wants to take him on her preferred holiday.
It's not as if she hasn't seen her son and had the time to build a proper relationship with him. She just doesn't seem to have used that time to build a good relationship with him.

You’ve made your bed and you may need to lay in it or fight for change and not even on the step mum front.

i spent time with my daughters big brother alone a handful of times on my own or when my daughter was small baby. It’s normal and natural however we’ve never cuddled and he never told me he loved me because I didn’t over step. I respected his mum and became his friend not a 3rd parent.

I’m no longer with my daughter’s dad however I have maintained that I will be having weekends every other weekend so I get time to do fun things.

i also wouldn’t be asking my child if they want to come on holiday we’d be going on holiday however it seems like you’ve had it easy for his entire life giving him to his dad every weekend ans then 4 week holidays ofcourse he’s going to want to be with them and value this other woman he never gets fun time with you because youve always prioritised your friends until you’ve now realised he likes another woman rather than you.

I think your son's stepmother is working hard to build a strong, loving relationship with him but you will always be his mum. Would you like to discuss changing the custody arrangements with your ex, so that you spend some weekend time with your DS? (It would probably mean you have to do more child-centred activities than you currently do.)

This is so bizarre.

my stepdad isn’t my dad, but he is my family and of course I love him and he loves me. He is however not, nor would he ever be a replacement for my dad…

in the nicest way possible you need to get a grip, and be grateful that he has a step-parent who actually wants to be one…

OP, you should be thrilled that your son has a kind and loving stepmother! She is part of his family now. Surely, the more adults he has caring for him, the better? You need to let go of your jealousy, and allow your son to be happy.

Bullshit!! I pick up 3 days per week. I have built good relationships with the other parents.

You’re giving nothing but excuses on this thread, and you need to own up to the fact that you have made some big mistakes, for the sake of your relationship with your son! You have time to fix this but not if you keep saying “it’s not my fault” and woe is me.

Honestly, the only issues that come across are from you really. The way describe the reasons your son goes to his dad's thurs to son, and you being happy for him to go with his dad as you want to laze by the pool is very odd.

Step mum sounds lovely, this is the kind of relationship my close friend has with her step son, luckily his mum knows its a great relationship too so there have never been any issues from her side either. They happily attended the DSs wedding recently and all sat together etc.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but honestly it sounds like they have a lovely, positive relationship. There is nothing that is coming across as inappropriate, if anything it sounds like you have just become envious of their relationship. Surely you would rather he had a good relationship with his stepmum than someone who treats him awful?

Does the childcare arrangement still work, are you happy about never having your child on a weekend? Whilst it may have suited you in the past , and by your own admission, you enjoyed having weekends free, how do feel about this now?

She sounds lovely and you come across as very jealous
Would you rather hid dads new wife be the wicked stepmother and have tears every time he came home because of how awful she was to him? .be thankful someone else cares and looks after him while hes spending time at his dads

What do you share with him for him to be your best friend? It doesn't matter what you like, you bond with your child over what they like. You encourage their likes. Unfortunately you haven't put the time or effort in. She has. My grandchildren's father is going through what you are, but we always tried to tell him that as children get older, they vote with their feet. I had a similar relationship with my step grandad. He put time in, was fun and kind. You need to put the time in and make it about him. But you may never have the relationship that she does with him. You have your friends and can continue to build a life.

They have more time with him op. As when you have him most the time he is at school. Personally I would have taken him on holiday and not gone with friends. You need to change the routine. It sounds like she has called herself his best friend instead of step mum. I don’t see that as an issue. A lot of step parents go above and beyond. You need to work on making this better asap because as he gets older he will make his own choices.

I hate theme parks but we still took the kids when they were younger. Also holiday parks which weren’t my thing but the kids loved them. It’s really up to you to build your relationship with your child. I’d start by having some weekends together and some holidays that are focused on him. Be grateful he has a loving and engaged step mum.

I’m sorry I think what it boils down to is pure jealousy…. You are sad that he has a better relationship with his step mum than you.

But it is your fault that you haven't built the same relationship with him. When he was little you preferred to go out clubbing with your mates. You didn't take him on holidays and build your own traditions and special routines with him. I think now you feel a little jealous and probably rejected by him. You can still fix this. It doesn't need to involve criticism his step Mum or suggesting their relationship is wrong. You need to explain to him how you want to build some memories with him. Start small, maybe a weekend away together, maybe force yourself to go somewhere he enjoys like a theme park or a city. Start enjoying fun times together and I am sure that will build into more holiday time eventually.

Do you read to him every night he's with you OP?

You're jealous. You should be happy that someone cares enough about your son to have this kind of relationship with him. He's known her since he was three. He won't remember a time without her. She is family. Her, his dad, their baby and him, are a family unit, just like your household are.

Quit it with the jealousy, and NEVER voice to him how "weird" you think it is.

Sounds like you are insecure and jealous of their bond.

Exactly! Always going on holiday with your friends over your son is pretty bad - if he doesn’t like lazing by the pool (don’t know any kids that do) then you do something else.

Given your lack of prioritising him, I assume his stepmother and father make a big attempt to make him feel valued etc. Your posts are all about you, and your feelings, not him. If you are genuine, I'd chge the days you have him to include part of weekend, assuming that you can guarantee to place his interests above your own for that period.

I don’t see the issue - you just sound jealous

You sound jealous op

It sounds like it was all ok when it suited you and now it doesn’t you’re not happy. I think that’s called tough luck OP. Sorry but you can’t have it both ways. Be grateful she loves your son

Surely it can only be a good thing that your son has extra adults to love and support him? It sounds like maybe youre feeling guilty about some things with regards to your relationship with your son. And rather than addressing this or admitting this, youre looking for someone else to blame.

I must be strange then as this is similar to the relationship I had and still have (to some extent) with my step daughter - she’s 35 now! Us step mums just can’t win

You let this happen because it was convenient for you and now it's biting you on the arse.