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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

657 replies

Playnoway · 09/02/2026 17:10

Help please, I think this is a completely inappropriate relationship but my ex doesn’t seem to think there is an issue.

My DS is currently 9 years and I am a single mum. He lives with me Sunday night to Thursday after school and stays with dad Thursday till Sunday. Me and his dad broke up when he was only 6 months old and my husband moved in with his new partner 6 years ago and married her 3 years ago. They had a baby of their own 4 years ago.

His stepmum is lovely and I have no issues with her as a stepmum but as he gets older I’m finding their relationship even worse.

AIBU to think everything on this list is completely inappropriate for a stepmum? Should I speak to her or consider changing the arrangement for custody?

  1. My DS has called her his best friend since he was 3 and he still does it now. He has loads of friends at school but still says this about her.
  2. When she was pregnant she wouldn’t let anyone visit her daughter until my son had visited.
  3. He goes to drama club every Thursday and he will only let her take him. He says it’s their special thing, it’s so weird for them to have a special thing she’s not his parent.
  4. He will sit and cuddle her.
  5. He says he loves her and she loves him. So weird in my opinion.
  6. He says she’s his family, she isn’t she just married his dad.
  7. She has always read him a book before bed. He says she’s the best reader. Why doesn’t his dad do this, why is this woman putting my son to bed?
  8. He calls her parents nana and grandad and spends a lot of time with him. They take him places like play area and indoor play. They’re not his grandparents. Why is dad allowing this?

Please tell me I’m not unreasonable. This woman has a completely inappropriate relationship with my son and I want it to stop.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 09/02/2026 17:18

Surely best friend is better than Mummy ?

Freetobe3 · 09/02/2026 17:18

I can understand why it might hurt but it sounds like it's coming from a place of jealousy rather than actual concern. Nothing you've described comes across as mega inappropriate (the best friend thing might be a tad weird but equally, nothing that triggers major alarm bells!)

From a safeguarding perspective, there doesn't seem to be any reason to limit or stop contact - she IS his step-mother and its actually really nice that he has another safe, reliable adult in his life (including her parents) - kids can never have too many adults that make them feel safe, happy and loved!

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 09/02/2026 17:17

I think that’s all fine. Why do you think some of it is weird? Surely the more positive, loving relationships your son has the better?

2026Y · 09/02/2026 17:17

This all sounds positive to me FWIW -

  1. Obviously she is not his Mum but they have a special relationship so I think Best Friend is nice.
  2. This sounds like a clever way to ensure your SOn doesn't feel left out in light of the new arrival.
  3. I don't understand why this is an issue.
  4. Why wouldn't be cuddle someone who has been in his life for as long as he can remember and takes care of him.
  5. Of course they love each other - why wouldn't they?
  6. They are family
  7. I can't see why this is a problem.
  8. I can't see why this is a problem.
PrincessOfPreschool · 09/02/2026 17:15

It sounds like a lovely relationship. What a lucky lad to have a stepmother who treats him as her own.

The best friend is a bit odd but I think it's probably a little 'inside joke' and I bet he wouldn't say it front of school friends!

UniquePinkSwan · 09/02/2026 17:15

There is nothing wrong with it and it’s a good thing surely?

tiredbutnotsad · 09/02/2026 17:13

I can see why this might hurt a bit but if it was me I’d be over the moon someone cared so much about my dc and wanted them to be a part of the family. Maybe she’s just making a huge effort ?