AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

I'm finding it very difficult to take your OP seriously.

If it's a reverse, can you just tell us all now before anyone gets too invested? 🙄

She is his family, I'd be happy they have a good relationship and she treats him as her own from the sounds of it which is what I'd want for my children

You say she’s lovely and you have no issues with her as a step mum but then you go on to complain about everything she is doing as a great step mum.

She has been living with him since he was 3 when his father moved in with her. She’s not calling herself mum. She’s obv asked your ds to call her his best friend instead. He’s got to frame her as something.

his dad and SM fad their own child 4 years ago and it sounds like neither she nor her parents have minimised him. I think you do not realise how good you have it. She hasn’t replaced you. She’s an extra person whi loves your son

1. They are very close and have a living relationship. That's good
2. That's the very nicest way or making sure your son feels valued, not pushed out by a new baby, and an important person to his new sister
3. Having a shared interest strengthens the step parent and child relationship; again, a good thing to have stable supportive relationships in his life.

1. Yes, they are family if they've chosen to be. Blood relationship is irrelevant to children.
2. She takes him to a Drama Club. Of course there's every chance she definitely is the best one at reading and doing the voices. That's their shared interest
3. The number of people protesting about step-great-grandparents not treating children as part of their family are endless. Some families are very open, some aren't. Your son is very fortunate.

You are well off the mark here , you sound jealous more than anything . Please dont make this into something its not and ruin this relationship for your son

On the face of it, it sounds like a lovely relationship.

She is his family and he spends a lot of time with her.

Her wanting him to meet his new sibling before anyone else is so thoughtful and sounds like a way of making sure he feels included and important.

I can understand that jt might feel hurtful but if she’s nice, treats him well and loves him then he’s a lucky boy to have that. So many step-parenting relationships can be toxic.

What a bitch. How very dare she care about a child she has had in her life for 6 years.

Maybe your ex isn’t doing enough as a dad rather than the stepmum is doing too much.

I think it’s sweet she let your boy visit the baby first.

I have always felt that the more genuine loving people a child has in their lives the better.

I can really see why you don't like the idea of her having such a parental role with him. But you really really are being unreasonable and there are much much worse step parent situations. If she wasn't treating your son the same as her own child you'd be shouting it's unfair. You need to put your own feelings aside and be glad your son has more people in his life that love him (including grandparents). None of this has to have any bearing on his relationship with you.

You sound jealous OP. I can totally understand that. However, if it were me then id rather this than the alternative., which is a horrid step mother that doesnt care about him. She is his family, you have to accept that. She not your family. I hope that if you re marry one day then your dh will treat him exactly the same.

This all sounds completely in your son's best interests

Nothing is that you have said is any way inappropriate

You should be thankful that your son has such a lovely and loving relationship with his stepmother. That's what she is, whether you like it or not. She has obviously put a lot of consideration into ensuring he feels wanted, secure and loved within her and his father's relationship. He is a very lucky boy to have both them and you to love him.

Why on earth do you want it to stop? Why are you so jealous?

I also have children who have a stepmother, and they have a great relationship with her. When my ex died, they were by her side, supporting her, as she supported them, through such a sad time.

She sounds an amazing SM. Let her crack on.

This sounds like a lovely relationship. He’s a lucky boy to have such a lovely step mum.
My DD (now 30) has always had a great relationship with her dad’s wife and I’m so happy that she has. Children should all have so many people that love them and care for them.

Is it more that you don't think your DS is doing enough with his dad/ his dad is checked out of parenting? Everything you have mentioned sounds fine and some sounds really good for your son feeling secure in both homes.

This reads like youre jealous tbh. Actually thats a pretty understandable emotion. But its your problem to deal with. Objectively speaking its great that she loves your son and vv, much better than not loving him. I think you have to suck it up. Sorry.

Why do your ex and step mum have your son every weekend?
To me that’s the fun time where you can relax and kick back a bit or do something fun and stay up late.

Just trying to think if that might have any bearing on the situation.

Personally I would be happy he had this close relationship whilst also feeling pushed out. Tricky.

When my DD acquired a stepmum one of my friends (with personal experience) said to try to be happy she had another adult to talk to if she had a problem - as teachers we both knew kids who had nobody. Try and see her in this light - another caring adult in his life (and yes, DD’s stepmum was the OW in my breakup - doesn’t change what’s right for DD).

The evil woman. She should lock him in the cellar with only dry bread and water all weekend so that he knows only Mummy loves him.

You have just described a really lovely step mom/step son relationship. I think its great that she seems so close and interested in him. Believe me this is often not the case. Would you prefer if they were distant? The fact that he refers to her as his mate and not step 'mum' is a plus is it not as it means there is no crossover between your roles and place in his life?

OP your son is blessed to have a lovely step mother. Flip the switch how would you feel if she ignored him and was mean to him.

It can only be a good thing that your DS’s stepmum is so caring towards him, and they get on so well. If I was you I’d be delighted I didn’t need to worry about their relationship. I take it you are jealous? Please don’t be, it’s so much better for your son for his relationship with her to be a good one. Surely you can see that?

No not inappropriate. She is his step mother (yes I know technically she's not but she is a huge part of his life) and unlike the wicked step mothers in the stories she's made sure your son is safe and made welcome in his dad's house, that his sister isn't outshining him and he has no reason to be jealous of her.

She sounds lovely. I know you don't want to hear that, but would you rather have her dought on her child, make your son feel unwelcome and ignore his needs

Do you think this is an unsafe relationship OP?

Your post reeks of a back story.

You're, maybe understandably, jealous of their relationship. Stop and think which is worse. Would you rather her and her family treated him the same as they treat the other child or would you rather they treated him as a non-relative so he felt out of place?

I think you should count yourself lucky someone who spends so much time with your son clearly cares for and loves him just as much as you do personally