AIBU to think this is an inappropriate relationship?

I also thought this was a reverse 😂

I understand you’re hurt, OP, and you’re jealous of their close relationship. I can imagine that feels very painful. But you’ve let them have all the quality time with him over the last 6 years because it suited you then, and have left none for you and your son together to build your own close relationship. Of course he’s going to be closer to them, he never sees you beyond school runs mid week. Her relationship with him sounds lovely, be grateful she’s one of the good ones for your son’s sake! She’s done nothing wrong.

You need to turn this around and the only way really is for your contact arrangements to change so that it’s more evenly split, and you get some weekends and holidays to go and do fun things with him.

i have to say though, as a parent, holidays aren’t relaxing because you have to keep them entertained. It’s never just relaxing by the pool, that’s so boring for a child - you’re in the pool playing with them at least. They’re not young for long, it’s about their needs not yours. Why wouldn’t you do a city break with him or a theme park? It might be a really fun thing to help you reconnect. You do sound a little selfish to be honest. You can’t have it both ways, and want a close relationship but not put the time or effort in.

You won't even com0romise and go on the type of holiday a young boy might enjoy?

I think you need to read your posts back - your ex and his wife have put in all the hard work at the weekends when you preferred to be with your mates (you choose them over your DS??)

He wants to go on kid friendly holidays with his Dad, as apparently you say he is hard work on holiday - because he doesn’t want to do what you want too!! Come on not many 9 yos want to lie by the pool!! how boring!!!

Your ex and his wife have made an effort to know DS’s friends- and you are moaning because she wanted your DS to have a relationship with his step sister before anyone else met her (which I think is lovely), they love each other and your DS feels safe and supported in their home.

I suggest you have a long hard look at whats going on and change your thinking before your DS decides to be with his Dad and his step mum permanently.

Do you work OP?

Unfortunately there is very little on here that brings sympathy to the OP.
I don’t know any mother who wouldn’t feel hurt and rejected by this situation, it is lovely for DS, not so lovely for you. No one has a baby expecting to be a part time parent.
Would you have another baby OP? Before anyone jumps on me, babies aren’t always a bad thing.

It sounds like they have a lovely relationship and see each other as family, which is the best possible thing for your child in this situation. He can love you both, loving her doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Then maybe you should have tried a bit harder. Assuming this isn’t a reverse when it very much sounds like one.

you prioritised going at at the weekend to spending time with your son. You prioritised the sort of holidays you like rather than compromising and helping your son explore his interests. You didn’t ask to rearrange contact once your son started school so that you could see him at least some weekends.

You just come across very whiny, just like you would if this was a reverse. But you say you don’t know what one is……

As someone who is in a parent / step parent / blended family situation I think YABU sorry.

It sounds like she and your ex are making plans and arrangements that suit him and of course he will enjoy that. If my best friend wanted to do a weekend at a theme park id be there even though its not my thing because that's what best friends do IMO. Kids don't relax around pools until they grow up so you have quite a wait on that one.

Id be thrilled that my child was so loved and accepted by someone.

And when you do that pick up, are you inviting DS's friends over to play?

I haven't rtft but have read your updates.

You have ended up in a situation where your ex has all the quality time and you have all the drudge time. I would seek to change that so you get a Saturday or Sunday spend that day focusing on your DS, doing fun stuff.

Re holidays, when you have kids, hoidays are more for them not you (especially if you're a single parent when they're absolutely exhausting). Suggest thinking of something your DS would enjoy, maybe 3/4 nights, arrange it and tell him - you"re his mum you don't need to invite him.

If you want a closer relationship you need to centre his needs before yours. You'll also need to take on some weekends to do fun stuff with your son. It's not a surprise he prefers to be with his dad and stepmum when they do things that he wants to do. You can be a fun, caring parent too.

But you could have built up a relationship with the other parents. Why haven't you?

So you’d rather spend your weekends going out with your mates. You’d rather go abroad with your mates because your son doesn’t like being round a pool.

Yeah, your son’s stepmum isn’t the problem here.

There’s so many variables of what is actually happening here but I refuse to believe you’re the mother of this child who hates that he has somebody in his life who clearly loves him.

This woman has been in his life since he was 3, she clearly dotes on him and he loves her for it, as any child would.

I wish my daughter’s step-Mum was like this.

This is why people thought it was a reverse as there is nothing you have said that would make your son want to be your best friend. Friendship is earned and as it stands you'll be lucky to have a relationship come 10 years time let alone a friendship

You're barely being his mum

Why on earth would you want to be his best friend?

Sometimes op you do things as a parent that you don’t particularly enjoy. It’s called parenting.
we’re off to Butlins this weekend. Not my idea of fun but my little ones absolutely love it. I also wouldn’t be holidaying at haven and eurocamp if I didn’t have kids but again they love it and it suits our family.
You can holiday with friends and your son too. Even if he goes away with his dad for 4 weeks, there are another 48’weeks in the year where you could take him 🙄

But she spends more time with him than you do? Every weekend! Of course he is going to feel closer to her.

Nope, nothing inappropriate here. Your lucky son has a wonderful stepmum and extra grandparents who love him and treat him as their own. Just as anyone might hope would happen when their partner gets a new partner.
You’re jealous of their relationship which is a valid thing to feel, but she is not and never will be his birth mum, that’s your role alone. Enjoy your son, take him on holiday, do things with him that he wants to do (not just the things you want to do perhaps?) I’m sure he loves you just as much and probably more.

Are you for real ? Your child has a wonderful step mum whoa frilly seem to love him to bits and you think it’s not appropriate because you don’t have it in yourself to share him a little bit ? He is lucky that he has someone else that he loves and considers important. Deal with your own feelings but don’t try and ruin your child’s clearly important relationship

How can you be his best friend when you don’t spend any proper time with him? An hour or so before and a couple of hours after school are not going to make a close relationship.

The “best friend” and the cuddling might be a bit weird, but nothing wrong with any of the rest of
it. Is your son particularly young/immature for his age? Just because I would have thought it’s not really that common for 9 year old boys to sit cuddling anyone, whether that’s a parent or any other adult. But I wouldn’t call it “inappropriate” or anything like that.

Not so much formal perhaps, as unassertive and lacking in confidence? You don't invite your child on holiday but tell him. You could sit down with him and have fun planning a holiday together? Maybe get used to spending more doewntime with him - can you have him for weekends sometimes? Why does he spend every weekend away from you?