To ask if you are a mum to an only male dc… (particularly interested in when the male dc is an adult)

I am very close to my 30+ DS, he is gay and I’ve had good relationships with all his partners so far (he is single at the moment)

@Mummhere my DH is an only child. His parents relocated a 100 miles after we moved to Cotswolds from London and now live 5 mins away on foot.

I’m close to mine. See him twice a week. Text every day. His gf is lovely.

I cannot imagine him not being there. He is such a kind gentle charming soul. Makes me cry laughing.&

My longterm DP has a really distant relationship with his mum, who lives not far from us, and I'm sure I get the blame but he just has nothing much to say to her so he doesn't. He's on the phone to his dad (parents divorced) every night for an hour talking about cars or computer games or broken radios etc.

I refuse to do reminders for birthdays/cards/mothers day etc and he is useless so he's always in the doghouse. However, I have a massive family and my own people to please so I'm not taking on any wifework.

You just don’t know how life will play out. I’m very close to my mum but I have lived a long haul flight away from her since the age of 20. We speak often but she gets to see me and her granddaughter in person only once or twice a year. My in-laws live nearby and we see them much more often, they have an amazing relationship with their GD and have her regularly. My husband loves his parents and speaks to them often; I feel I am very lucky with my in-laws. Nobody could have planned this setup before it happened.

DS lives 2.5hrs away with his partner. We have a family group chat, some weeks we speak most days, other times it’s once every 7-10 days. There’s no schedule. DIL will come and stay with us without DS and DS recently stayed for a long weekend with a group of friends which was great fun! We’ve always welcomed his friends into our home.

I sympathise with you. However, does your son arrange and book holidays with you, does he do the planning, organising and mental load?

we are like your DS’s family, holidays and Xmas with my side. But that’s because I arrange, plan and prep this. If my DH said I’d really like to go away with my mum and dad, where do you think would be good? I’d collaborate with ideas and let him contact his family and book and arrange it all which is what happens with my side…. He would just never think to do that!

Thats not him putting me or the kids first because he’s a great husband (he is a great husband!) but that’s like saying he’s putting my wishes before his. The reality is he just doesn’t value time with his side or the family. I do value it so I make sure we arrange these nice things. As they say, if he wanted to, he would.

I think you know the answer OP, should he take a wife. Mothers will 99% gravitate to their own parent, with the children in tow.

But please continue to bring him up well, and don’t allow him to languish on video games every night.

Our daughters want to marry decent hardworking blokes.

I do worry about this as my son is 18 & quite private & distant and I'm trying to respectfully let him know I'm here & interested without smothering him. He still lives at home with his dad & I. My biggest worry is he hasn't seen a great example of having a good relationship with my or his dad's parents as his dad's parents are dead & I've been no contact with my parents way before he was born (for very valid reasons), this worries me but we will see.

I'm not male but my brother sees my mum more than I do (she looks after his DC once a week) and it's not because we don't get on, DH is an only child and is close to his mum and we see PIL a lot

Embrace your son's friends and girlfriends! Making your home welcoming to those he is close to helps. My adult son always pops by with his lovely girlfriend and childhood friends - they are like extended family. Don't interfere too much, but show him strength and guidance when needed and advice when asked.

@Gahr but is being a daddy’s girl seen as a bad thing?

My mum has 3 daughters. My two sisters live in her town, one she sees multiple times a day with phone calls in between, one she sees and hears from sporadically sometimes several times a week sometimes not for weeks on end. I live half an hour away and try to see her once or twice a week. I speak to her maybe once a week usually to arrange when we will see one another next. My mum has different relationships with all 3 of us. The classic mother daughter relationship with my eldest sister who she sees several times a week but sister finds it suffocating and difficult at times. My younger sister is more of a whilst you are with her you have her full attention but you cease to exist if you aren't with her. I have a difficult relationship with my mum but have found a way to make it work where I am there for her as much as she needs but am careful with what I share with her.

My mother in law has two sons. She speaks to my partner several times a day, they live 4h away from us but have a key and are welcome at any time. They typically stay for 5-14 days at a time. My mother had my key once for 3 days and then it was confiscated and she has never had one since. I came home from a weekend away to a broken washing machine in my living room that my dad had got from a friend. Why he thought I would want a broken washing machine I don't know! My partner speaks to my mother in law constantly! He speaks to her everyday when driving home from work, and for an hour every Saturday and Sunday morning. He then messages and calls through out the weekend and evening. They are very involved in our lives and they are sounding boards for our decisions and counsel us on what we might want to do and so.

They live in the same village as my partners brother and they see him once a week and his wife twice a year. He phones regularly on his drive home.

It really is much more about the personalities of parent and child rather than the gneder

I have a great relationship with our adult DS, very close. I also adore my DIL, I genuinely love her, it’s like having a daughter. They have a good relationship with her parents, but I still feel our relationship with DS is a stronger bond than with his in laws.

One adult son who lives about 2 hours away with his gf. We are very close and we see him a lot. It helps that his gf is great and she’s very comfortable with us. We treat her like another dd.

My DH is mils only child and they are really close. They ring each other often, we have a group chat that we all message in frequently and we see her a few times a month as we live about an hour apart. I also spend time with her on my own without DH there as she’s lovely

DS tends to keep in touch by text, with the occasional phone call. He pops in to visit every 3 or 4 weeks. He’s split from his long term GF now, but she and I got on brilliantly and she’d encourage him to see me more. I’d also see her without him. She (and DS!) asked me and DD to keep in touch with her when they split.
Hopefully whoever he ends up with is just as lovely and feels part of our family.
DD, on the other hand, has always been very independent. Contact is much more sporadic, with a couple of weeks of lots followed by a couple of weeks radio silence!

My eldest (38) lives in another European country with his wife. He FaceTimes with his toddler son most days. I go there as often as I can, and they all come here for 2-3 weeks twice a year (they’re lucky in that they both work remotely).

This year we’re going on holiday with them and my youngest son, and his partner. Youngest (26) phones daily.

I have a difficult relationship with my DD, who has a personality disorder. She has been abusive in the past, but can also be lovely.

I have 2 adult sons, one lives 200 miles away and we speak weekly and text most days. He doesn’t have a partner. Son no 2 lives locally to me with his gf, who is lovely. See him 3-4 times a week as he often calls in on way to work. I also have a daughter who lives at home. I’ve been on lots of trips overseas with eldest son, we are very close, as for 11yrs it was just us as i had him when he was a teen. That said, I don’t live in his pocket. I wouldn’t want to do that with any of my DC.

The phrase is 'daddy's girl' and there is the trope of the 'daddy with the shotgun'.

This is sensible, I think. My MIL is like you and we get on famously. She isn't a possessive person anyway, very easygoing. Some of my friends have the MILs from hell. One is on the brink of divorce because her husband can't stand up to Mommy Dearest. The other is luckier, in that her husband has her back and has effectively cut his mother off because she is such a pain. I am CF, but if I had sons I truly hope I would be more like you and like my MIL than like them.

Dh was an only son. Close to his mum in a good way. Would see her at least once a week and she lived with us for the last 6 years of her life.
I only have sons - young adult - and feel pretty close to them. Hopefully they’ve learnt from how DH treated his mum.

My DS is an only child, he's 20. We're very close - he's closer to me than DH. He's at uni and were in contact a few times a week. He and I are going on holiday in a month and we're really excited about it - he's just a fabulous person to spend time with.

I'm a lot closer to him than I ever was with my own mother...

I have a 20 year old. At college, largely incommunicado. Bit better at home and it may improve with time. But I wasn’t close with my mum tbh.

To be honest I actually have always encouraged my partners to see their parents on their own. I always make an effort with my parents partners but have always thought it was healthy they had their own relationship.