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Original poster

Mother made a comment on new partner

187 replies

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:13

I have been single now for 3 years since my marriage ended. I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive. We have so much fun together and when the kids go to their dads we usually have a blow out now and again (nothing crazy, the odd night out, pub crawl) however my mum seems to think he is leading me astray (I really do not believe this)

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 09/02/2026 15:53

Don't tell your mum everything. You're an adult and she doesn't need to know. Just say you have met someone else and you are having a nice time, thank you. You don't need to give her chapter and verse on what time you started drinking or even who you are seeing when it's early days.

BillieWiper · 09/02/2026 15:49

Fodencat · 09/02/2026 15:43

No it isn’t. You must be stuck in the mindset of alcoholics pouring Scotch on their corn flakes. The reality is very different.

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I don't know many people who don't have a dependent or problematic relationship with alcohol at best who would start drinking at 11am. 'Start drinking' implies continual drinking from then onwards as well.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/02/2026 15:44

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:31

We all change? I’m just being a bit more adventurous I suppose. I just don’t think it is fair to say they don’t like somebody over nothing.

When my mum said that about a previous boyfriend of mine, it was because I had changed and wasn't acting like my usual self. He was very controlling but seemed like the nicest guy in the world, til he wasn't.

It might be nothing. But it wouldn't hurt to take a step back, and see if there's anything that you've brushed aside because of the explosive connection and the fun you think you're having. Is there ANYTHING at all that didn't feel quite right?

Just to be sure.

AnnieLummox · 09/02/2026 15:44

TheAutumnCrow · 09/02/2026 15:19

What does your mother think you should be doing instead? Ironing?

(Is your house a shithole, having said that ..??)

What a vile thing to say. Why are some MNers so desperate to deride other people’s homes as “shitholes”?

Fodencat · 09/02/2026 15:43

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:24

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

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No it isn’t. You must be stuck in the mindset of alcoholics pouring Scotch on their corn flakes. The reality is very different.

Vodkamartini3olives · 09/02/2026 15:37

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:25

I don’t think I am an alcoholic as it isn’t a regular thing at all.

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This is mn. If you dare to have more than a small Bailey's at Christmas you're an alcoholic.

BillieWiper · 09/02/2026 15:35

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:21

I invited my parents out with us and my first drink was at 11am due to the fact we were going out early. I honestly can’t think of what I have done wrong!

Ok so now I know this seems unbelievable.
You were drinking at 11am in front of your parents and you don't know why they think you've gone awry? Not that it's your bf's fault. You're a grown woman and if you drink too much it's your own responsibility not your boyfriend's.

2Rebecca · 09/02/2026 15:35

If you are happy your social life is not revolving around heavy drinking when with him then keep seeing him and just don’t invite your parents along and don’t discuss what you are up to with them as much

Rooroobear · 09/02/2026 15:31

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:29

It was a weekend and I had no children.

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I think it’s perfectly fine. I’m not saying do it every weekend and if you are that’s different. Only you know if it’s an issue x

Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:31

We all change? I’m just being a bit more adventurous I suppose. I just don’t think it is fair to say they don’t like somebody over nothing.

OP posts:
SlightlyUnexpected · 09/02/2026 15:31

Basquervill · 09/02/2026 15:30

Um.. you’ve changed, it’s made your mum nervous. Reassure her. What do you want from this thread?!

And it sounds like like a comment on your new boyfriend, and more like a comment on you.

Basquervill · 09/02/2026 15:30

Um.. you’ve changed, it’s made your mum nervous. Reassure her. What do you want from this thread?!

Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:29

Rooroobear · 09/02/2026 15:29

I don’t think drinking at 11am (if it’s a weekend and you have no responsibilities) is actually that bad. As long as it’s not a habit and you don’t do it all the time I don’t see the issue. I love going out with my friends on my child free weekends. I also sometimes can’t wait for a big glass of wine with them after a week of looking after my children (not that I’m complaining about them, they are my babies) but it’s nice to just be me sometimes

Edited

It was a weekend and I had no children.

OP posts:
Rooroobear · 09/02/2026 15:29

I don’t think drinking at 11am (if it’s a weekend and you have no responsibilities) is actually that bad. As long as it’s not a habit and you don’t do it all the time I don’t see the issue. I love going out with my friends on my child free weekends. I also sometimes can’t wait for a big glass of wine with them after a week of looking after my children (not that I’m complaining about them, they are my babies) but it’s nice to just be me sometimes

Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:28

FreshInks · 09/02/2026 15:27

Is this is going to be one of those threads where the OP drips in bits of extra information?

I don’t really know what else to add? Yes obviously if it became a regular thing I would be concerned.

OP posts:
SlightlyUnexpected · 09/02/2026 15:28

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:19

Honestly it was just a trip to the pub to watch the football and yes I had had a few drinks and was a little tipsy but I didn’t cause any trouble and the day after she said she was worried about me? I can’t really understand what I have done wrong?

What do you mean by 'I didn't cause any trouble'? Is your metric for acceptable levels of drinking whether or not you threw furniture or got barred from your local?

I would see someone who started drinking at 11 am because of a football match, or who regularly spent the days she had free because her children were with their other parent getting drunk as having some kind of problem. And if your mother is a problem drinker herself and thinks you're in a bad way since starting this new relationship, might she not have a point?

Will your connection with the new guy be just as 'explosive' if you decide to stick to soft drinks, or not to go to the pub, the next five times you see him?

FreshInks · 09/02/2026 15:27

Is this is going to be one of those threads where the OP drips in bits of extra information?

Pigletin · 09/02/2026 15:25

I think she sounds concerned about your drinking habits...only you can judge if they are reasonable or not.

FreshInks · 09/02/2026 15:25

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:24

No

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There’s your answer then. I suspect you know that really.

2026Y · 09/02/2026 15:25

I suspect if your behaviour is very different she may just be concerned about the change - I assume it's not normal for you to start drinking at 11am in the morning?

If you are happy and satisfied you are not descending into some sort of mid-life crisis then I would tell her calmly but firmly that you are a grown up and whilst you appreciate her concern, you can take care of yourself. Then if she persists, tell her you don't wish to discuss it anymore.

Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:25

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:24

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

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I don’t think I am an alcoholic as it isn’t a regular thing at all.

OP posts:
Beamur · 09/02/2026 15:25

I have been seeing somebody for 6 months and the connection is just explosive
I think this could be why your Mum is concerned. Is he intense and full on with you? Have you changed since meeting him?
I'd not react defensively to your Mum saying this but maybe ask if she's got concerns about this relationship. Listen carefully.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 09/02/2026 15:24

Keola · 09/02/2026 15:24

No

Show quote history

That will be why. You don’t need to be getting pissed at 11am thats what alcoholics do.

Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:24

FreshInks · 09/02/2026 15:23

Did you do things like drinking in the morning before you met him?

No

OP posts:
Original poster
Keola · 09/02/2026 15:23

5128gap · 09/02/2026 15:21

Depends what blow out means and how much you've changed I guess. If you were clean living, health conscious responsible type who now spends every other weekend wasting a fortune getting messy on silly amounts of drink/drugs, then I can see she might be concerned that you're in thrall to him. However if you're merely catching up on some fun and taking no risks or harming no one, she's worrying without cause.
How come she's knows this is what you do?

She doesn’t. I usually have a few drinks when the kids go to their dads (usually with the girls) I though t I was absolutely fine. My mum is a really bad drinker and usually ends up in some sort of drama so maybe she has some insecurities about that?

OP posts: