Mother made a comment on new partner

I love day drinking and being home by 8 for a cuppa.

Enjoy your child free weekends

Enjoy your new life

Enjoy your new partner

Enjoy yourself

Don't listen to the "sniff of alcohol makes you an alcoholic" brigade

Bet your ex is out day drinking on his free weekends and nothing gets said about that

My DM turned her nose up at me drinking but not my brothers. I explained I've raised my children and didn't drink a drop for years while I was raising them solo so now on occassion I let my hair down with my now DH

Ah, it does seem possible then that her own issues are making her react so strongly.

Is your partner a big drinker? Did he get on ok with them? Did anyone get drunk?

I suppose, with alcoholism comes a lot of shame and guilt and she might be a bit triggered by thinking you could be going the same way as her. Which is irrational, of course, but if you've been going out more and she already has issues and hang-ups it could explain it!

Perhaps you could have a sit down and talk about her concerns? Is her drinking something you've ever addressed?

Gently, was a day of drinking really the best way for her to meet your boyfriend given her history?

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. I’d say don’t tell her! Enjoy your new man and you know what is ok, as PP said, you’re not waking up 2 days later in someone else’s vomit lol …. I’m feeling very ‘good’ now as never done that either 😉
as for the 11am drinking, as long as it’s not when you usually start drinking! But considering it’s a football event then I think occasionally it’s not a big deal

It’s possible she’s projecting Keola.

Yard arm thing innit.

Going for a brunch with fizz with friends and going home in the afternoon isn't healthy but it's fun and full of joy and friendship.

Having a couple of pints while watching sports at the pub in the middle of the day on the weekend isn't a healthy choice but it's sociable and fun.

Sharing a few gin tins en route to a day out with old friends for a matinee show isn't healthy but it's fun and silly.

What are you trying to say by "it's not exactly a healthy choice though, is it"? It's not alcoholism either is it?! FFS

What bizarre comments. Has no one ever been for brunch and has a blood Mary or Buck’s Fizz? 11am is fine as an odd occasion when have no kids to look after. You have no idea what time she stopped drinking anyway? Would it be ok if she had a drink at 11am and nothing after 3pm? Or is it because it’s before midday?

Honestly, drinking at 11 am is quite early but fine if it was a brunch with champagne or something.

It's not that big of a deal on its own but added to some other stuff, your mother might be seeing something that you can't or won't. We don't know your relationship with her, @Keola but unless she's the type to shit on your happiness for no reason, it might be worth considering that she has your best interests at heart.

Went at it at 10.00am does this make me even worse 😫 😩 🙃...... trots off to join alcoholic anon

You’re drinking at 11am. You have a problem.

It was just in response to people saying it had gone really "Mumsnet".

I honestly don't care what people do as one offs.

In fact it's quite common to have coffee with whiskey with breakfast in European countries

My understanding is that's common in Eastern Europe for brunch on special days and holidays, not "normal". Bucks Fizz would be an equivalent "breakfast"drink in the UK. I love a Bucks Fizz on my birthday.

I take your point about one shot of alcohol early in the day does no harm, but it doesn't work like that does it? People who drink early don't stop, they just drink more than if they'd started later in the day.

If bet the vast majority of people who drink before lunchtime (and most of the people who routinely drink alcohol with their lunch) have an alcohol dependency and that most of them would deny that vehemently.

I hope it was a very late breakfast! Shame on you.

I had this type of very intense relationship shortly after I separated from exH. I'd have probably written something similar to what you've written.

It's now sixteen years later and my mum may have been wrong about many things but she was right about that relationship.

Where is anyone claiming it’s healthy?!
As a rare occurrence I don’t see the issue.

if you drink 2 units of alcohol at 11am does it have a more negative impact than if you drink 2 units at 11pm?

there are plenty of choices we all make in life that aren’t based purely on what’s healthy. So long as it’s all in moderation, what’s the problem?

and I say this as someone who rarely drinks at all these days. Although I do eat a shit load of choloate instead - and now that’s not healthy but otherwise I have a very healthy and balanced diet

The problem there is that she chose to tell her extended family she had smoked some pot. My parents would have been appalled at some of the things I have got up to. I am selective in what they get to hear

Sounds like you should talk to her in depth about what it is about him that she is worried about - she might have good reasons or good gut instincts about him which she hasn't yet shared with you - maybe if you hear her out on this without being defensive the 2 of you can sort this out - in your situation your mum may well be your best ally, depends on her point of view and who she is taking care of. I would really want to know what it is that she is worried about and take it from there.

A friend whose marriage blew up after twenty years he left her for a younger woman had some fun with a man after her divorce. He was successful, charming and fun. He absolutely spoilt her, winin, dining, holidays, gifts, he adored her.

They went to Amsterdam one weekend and smoked some pot. You'd think he'd murdered someone. So much family pressure she ended the relationship. Ended up with another cheating bastard.

I think @Keola has earned some silly time.

I think your mum is probably right.

Drinking at 11am in the morning in a fully adult person would be a huge red flag for me.

Six months in. It's "explosive". You're more "adventurous". You invited your parents out day-drinking and started at 11 am. She's your mother and likely knows you pretty well.

On paper it looks like she might be on to something. Plus, some people just give you that initial feeling. Sometimes mother really does know best.

I think people would agree that starting drinking at 11am isn’t the norm.

If someone close to you is concerned about a change in the way you behave, when you take up with a new partner (or friend, come to that), then it is probably worth taking a step back, and listening, without being defensive, then having a think to see if they have got a point.

Obviously difficult for any of us to know, in this particular instance whether there is an issue with the changes in you or whether your Mum's judgement is poor, or whether your new boyfriend is or isn't a bad influence - and of course not made any easier with the conflicting messages you are giving - but I think when people close to you are concerned, it might be time to do a bit of self reflecting.