DS injured self and framed another child!

Sorry OP, this sounds really worrying.

He was angry enough at losing to a girl to injure himself and lie about it.

I'd be very, very surprised if he wasn't absorbing manosphere/incel content from somewhere - just from the fact he's noticing/keeping track of the gender of who gets star of the week.

Is his Dad around? Older brothers etc? What sort of attitudes is he getting exposed to at home?

I have a DD and a DS. If my DS did this I’d be stressed out my mind and so worried. So you have my sympathies.

However, if a boy did this to my DD, I’d be angry beyond words and want him kicked out the club. The idea of explaining why this happened to my DD, at age ten, breaks my heart. I’d be devastated if this happened to her.

He’s told you and that’s great.

He’s got into deep and turned to his mum because he needs help, and he trusts you to know that he’s a good kid who did a stupid thing. Don’t let your anxiety cloud that.

He’s changing, and his awareness and understanding of the world is expanding. There’s a lot he doesn’t know. You are absolutely the best placed person for him to work out his feelings about girls/this girl with.

I never start with punishment - I listen, I connect, and I let the need for punishment and atonement surface in them, so they’re learning the really important lessons of relationship repair, and taking the consequences square on.

He’s done some good things here. He’s recognised he needs help. He’s approached the right person. He’s stopped this instead of letting it snowball - build on those good things, because judgement like that is what he needs to bring forward out of this.

But remember that this came from feelings of humiliation and jealousy so don’t drive him back into himself by humiliating him further.

I really feel for this young girl and her parents who still aren’t aware that she has been cleared of her alleged crime. She must be feeling awful.

@Aquiet no this is not normal.
Your son decided to intentionally injure himself so he could frame an innocent girl for the crime of being better than him at wrestling. He tried to destroy her sporting career and potentially get her arrested for assault and/or ABH all because she's better than him.
Please let that sink in.
At best your son is a misogynistic bully and him being kicked off the team (which he should be and permanently banned from the sport) is the least of your problems, your son is a walking red flag. What else will he do when another girl/woman beats him at something or gets better exam results?
That boy needs serious consequences that shouldn't be reduced because of his crocodile tears and self pity, his disappointment, frustration, perceived humiliation and/or anger at being beaten by a girl doesn't minimise or excuse his behaviour infact they make it worse

I think lying is within the realms of normal behaviour. What is far from normal is deliberately injuring yourself with the intention of blaming someone else in order to get them into trouble.

I would be very concerned that this is related to his attitude to women and girls. If he's injuring himself now to get a girl into trouble what he us going to do in a few years when he is bigger and stronger and quite capable of inflicting injury on her.

I would take this very seriously and he deserves to be thrown out of the club. If his attitude doesn't change he poses a real risk to girls.

This.
How vindictive of him.
Nip this in the bud now.

He intentionally with considered thought and planning hurt himself to manipulate a situation. Not normal!!! Not normal!! Please get professional advice.

Sorry but your son should be kicked out for awful behaviour. You need to absolutely nip this burgeoning misogyny in the bud.

No cctv in that area.

I’ve trained in martial arts for years and our instructor years ago dealt with something similar around lying. He threw the liar out of the club, as he couldn’t ever trust what they said again. Courtesy and integrity Is front and centre in what we do, the child had neither.

Your son should be thrown out, it’s what he deserves, who there will ever trust what he says again. If he isn’t, you should remove him.

Hard lesson, but it’s what he needs.

Go see the club coach.
He deserves to be kicked out for the rest of this term
Maybe he needs some mh support but you cannot have him continuing in the club til he truly understands his actions
Imagine the girl in this story and how she feels

He should absolutely be thrown out of the club for this. Can you imagine if another child had done the same to yours? Would you want them to be allowed back into the club?

I would take him to therapy over this. At his age it's very worrying, although good that he admitted it eventually

Mixed sex wrestling just when they are hitting puberty doesn't seem like a great idea.

I would be worried about the deliberate self harm. It sounds like it might not be the sport for him if it is causing that much anger/distress.

Slamming his own hand in the door and causing himself pain and bruising, in order to exact revenge, is absolutely not normal.

The only glimpse of light is that he felt bad enough that he came clean to you. So yes, he has to also come clean to those who run the club, and to the girl and her parents.

But I don't think it can end there. That kind of forethought and deliberately injuring himself, needs further investigation.

All behaviour is communication. He's obviously got some issues going on. Puberty is a tricky time.

Instead of being worried he'll be kicked out, think of the poor bugger who's been accused of something she hasn't done. Nobody is going to want to partner him now OP. Hes lost the trust.

The natural consequence is for him to leave the club and find another one, hammering home the message that he can't do shit like that.

Or get his coach to have some stern words with him

OK so if I was you, id obviously tell the club asap - dont wait any longer - and tell them you'll support any action they wish to take (as hard as it may be) talk to him more about how the poor girl must be feeling and ideally he'll realise himself he needs to apologise.

I personally wouldn't jump in with counselling etc if this is the only incident he's had like this but carry on keeping an eye on what he's up to to make sure it doesnt escalate into something more worrying.

I remember quite a few incidents like this, kids hurting themselves or getting friends to slap them or whatever to get someone else in to trouble. Kids can be ruthless to each other and very stupid.

I agree - it's hard for kids to admit that they have lied, I think they often just double down and hope it'll go away.

I don't think it is normal, not at his age and not to that extreme. I would be making him tell the truth to the club, apologise to the girl and accept him being thrown out of the club as an appropriate consequence to his actions. As he's self harmed to achieve this I would be also taking a visit to the GP to have him referred to mental health services.

Is he not too embarrassed to go back? I eould have thought most kids would be, so getting kicked out wouldn't be a big problem.

Obviously what he actually did is a huge problem.

I literally lol at the star of the week comment because I have a nearly 5 year who has never been star of the week and it boils my pee 😅

I would be pleased he'd owned up so my response would be slightly coloured by not wanting to make him regret that. I'd treat it very seriously though and I'd be very concerned that he'd deliberately hurt himself in that way to get someone else into trouble. I think I would do a lot of talking about how the poor girl must have felt and how unfair it was to try to get her into trouble.

At 12 the girls will often be bigger and stronger. It won't be long before that switches for the majority. Also why is he bothered about star of the week at age 12, surely only five year olds (and their parents) are into that. He needs some intrinsic motivation to improve rather than external validation. It's good he's come clean though and will need to accept the consequences. Admitting he was wrong should be praised. Definitely talking about the fact women and girls have had to work harder to be recognised in sports ( eg not being allowed to compete in some, or be members of clubs or hold office etc).

That poor girl. I can't imagine your son will be welcomed back. This will be a perfect learning opportunity for him not to be so extreme then lie.