DS injured self and framed another child!

I would be personally looking to remove him from the club.

It is absolutely not normal for a 12 year old to deliberately injure themselves to this extent and blame a 10 year old. I would also be looking into counselling whether he thinks he needs it or not because there's underlying issues that need to be unpicked here.

Not even a teenager or a girl in secondary school, but a 10 year old child who is still in primary school. That is extremely worrying and concerning.

I don't think your concern should be IF they decide to kick him out! Quite frankly I think you should pull him out of the club yourself. That would be the decent thing to do imo.

He needs to apologise face-to-face to:

1. the girl
2. her parents
3. the coaches

He should accept any consequences that come his way with good grace and YES he does need counselling, regardless of what he says.

He physically hurt himself, quite badly, because he was upset that a 10yr old girl was legitimately better than him and praised for it. That is not the type of attitude he should be left to grow up with, he needs professional help to understand why he felt that way, why it is so wrong to feel that way and to ensure he’s not a physical/psychological danger to others in the future.

Slightly wounded pride is fine although I'd want to challenge why being beaten by a girl is any different to being beaten by a boy and tackle the idea that men must be better and stronger than women.

Deliberately injuring yourself in order to take revenge against the girl in question is a whole other level of hateful behaviour and a need to "put her in her place".

It's absolutely misogynistic.

I would give the coach a heads up that your son has something to say to him tonight. This gives the coach time to think through how best to deal with it.

I’d be pretty worried about this behaviour on the one hand and relieved he has a working conscience on the other hand.

I would own up to the club immediately to end the unpleasantness for the girl and I’d accept any consequences they levelled because it is really bad behaviour from your son. I would want that your son takes responsibility for his actions and apologises.

After that I would be trying to keep the communication you have started between you open. The last lesson you want him taking out of this situation is next time he does something that wrong he needs to keep his mouth shut.

Get the conversation going, help him to develop healthy empathy, to understand that all emotions are okay to feel but the actions really do matter.

I’d be really concerned. Why on earth is he tracking the sex of the weekly winners, if not because he doesn’t think girls should be getting as much recognition? He needs the bollocking of a lifetime.

Why not? It should have been the first thing you did!

The fact he deliberately hurt himself quite badly is concerning. The motivation behind it isn't nice, but I guess it is less worrying than if he just felt uncontrollable anger or desire to harm himself.

I think you should say he needs to apologise to the girl and teacher and take any punishment. If he's not kicked out, tell him you'll pull him out if he does anything like this again.

Also maybe he might need to talk to a counsellor about managing his emotions?

Why are people so obsessed with misogyny?

Do you really know a whole bunch of secondary age boys that would be happily repeatedly beaten at wrestling by a 10 year old girl? Really?

What he did was wrong but i don't think it qualifies him as a woman hater.

Also I think he should be made to apologise to the girl in front of the entire club, this behaviour cannot go unpunished. He needs to get over being beaten by a girl, he has a very tough life ahead of him if he is going to get so upset everytime a girl is better than him.

@Aquiet out of interest, howdid it come about that he told you the truth? I think this matters.

In your place I'd warn your DS he's likely to be chucked out and that it will be up to his coach, so that he doesn't try and blame the girl later. More than anything I'd want to know what's at the bottom of all this Op, it's not normal to want revenge so badly because somebody beat you, so badly that you'll self harm to make it happen. Is your DS insecure, lacking in confidence, not good at sport in general?

And there's a good chance that she's already been punished by her parents. It likely didn't occur to them that an older boy would lie to frame their daughter. I wouldn't be surprised if at the very least they've told her off and not believed her, which is hugely damaging or their relationship.

Have you told the club yet?

Is his dad in the picture?Honesty is think its important for a strong feminist male role model to have a chat with him about his views on women.

The serious and not normal part is the fact he hurt his own hand todo so

There wasn't any CCTV, as per the OP. So the girl could have been in a lot of trouble I'd he hadn't decided to admit it.

It's very concerning behaviour OP. Your son seems to know that you are susceptible to his lies. I would suggest he apologises by letter to the club and the girl and sucks up whatever punishment is coming to him. I would expect a temporary ban at least. He deserves it.

I would also be concerned about the misogyny on display here, questioning what he is watching and who he is associating with.

I think therapy is a good idea.

He's 12, of course he will have seen it or been shown it by friends.

It's really disturbing that he went to these pre planned ( not spur of the moment) lengths to get another club member into trouble because they were a girl. If he doesn't get kicked out then you should stop the classes anyway.

I'd be very surprised if their hasn't been any warning signs that he felt this way about girls, I'd have a think back if I was you as this can't have come from nowhere.

Finally, I'm not sure of thought process behind a wrestling club putting 12 year old boys and girls together to engage in close physical contact. That's an accident waiting to happen in my opinion. I've never even heard of a wrestling club, certainly don't exist in my city.

She needs to know right now that he has admitted accusing her falsely, and he needs to apologise to her in person. Too bad if he is upset or jealous about being beaten by a girl. That's life. He needs to get over it. and in a decent way. If he gets thrown out of the club, too bad.

I think you have to focus on that you are really proud of him coming clean and owning up (because that is what you want to encourage) but that it's also really important to put things right and so you want him to speak to the club organiser privately and then apologise to the girl. That in itself is going to be punishment enough IMO - but i would explain that the club may decide that he's not allowed to go anymore.

There are other ways he could have handled this much better and I think it's important to discuss those. He could have spoken to you, he could have asked his coach to be paired with a boy next time or if he wasn't enjoying the club any more he could have asked to stop going. Blaming a girl or anyone else for his issues wasn't the right thing to do.

I don't think mixed sex sports past primary age are a great idea personally. By that age they're aware that women are biologically weaker and to be beaten by a 10 year old girl is bound to sting. Teens are also often huge liars, I told my mum so many lies. I don't know why people don't think this was a poorly thought through spur of the moment thing because it sounds like it was to me.

Just get him to put the situation right, I'm pretty sure he's learnt a huge lesson here and you don't want to push him into feeling more resentful and bitter. He needs you to have his back and show him the right way.

I’d be extremely concerned that your son is showing such misogynistic behaviour towards a girl.

Hopefully, the club does kick him out. It's the least he deserves.