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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt by parents

36 replies

Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:24

feel hurt - my parents want to spend time with me and my brother + his partner, separately.

so rather than being a family they want to do things seperarely and say it’s because they want individual quality time?

we are all adults with little time due to work, children, commitments, hobbies etc. I can’t understand the logic of parents who wouldn’t want that quality family time and instead separate everyone?

I said I’m really hurt and feel it’s unreasonable. They said I’m being dramatic and there’s no malice in it. AIBU by this logic?

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 09/02/2026 13:57

They obviously can’t deal with you all at once, no idea why you think they should.

Brefugee · 09/02/2026 13:50

I sometimes do this with my adult DC, there is nothing more to it than that. You can give one DC your undivided attention and there is nothing wrong with that.

IamSmarticus · 09/02/2026 13:48

I dont see your issue - why do you only want to see your parents if your brother is there too? Can't you see them separately?

ColdAsAWitches · 09/02/2026 13:47

They have said that they want to spend quality time with you. I really can't see how you could possibly be hurt by this!

Original poster
Princessdiaries · 09/02/2026 13:44

@SummerInSun - there’s 2 of us siblings and one partner. Only I have a child and they are with their dad at weekends. So for me it doesn’t seem too much for 5 adults to be together on the weekends?

OP posts:
Wakemeupinapril · 09/02/2026 13:44

Seems fair. When my dc were small and we visited ils, sil was always there with her dc.. Ours never got a look in. It was blatantly obvious who the favourite dc were... I asked if we could see them alone...
We were located 2 visits a week @a hour each.
Ils basically raised sil's dc..
All 6 of them.

SummerInSun · 09/02/2026 13:41

Can you explain - to yourself even if not to us - why you are hurt by this? As long as your parents are seeing both of you it doesn’t seem unfair? As PP have said, as they get older they may find a lot of people overwhelming, or maybe they worry about whether you both get equal “airtime” when you are all there at the same time. Or maybe your brother is going through some stuff he’d like to discuss with them but not the wider family? Gently, unless there is more that you haven’t explained yet, it’s hard to see why you are so upset?

Scribblydoo · 09/02/2026 13:35

Does it have to be all or nothing? Obviously you would like time together as a family, that's perfectly reasonable, and your parents want smaller gatherings, again very reasonable. Can you just say you'd also like some time together with all the family and then organise it

DeQuin · 09/02/2026 13:30

Totally with your parents on this one.

babasaclover · 09/02/2026 13:30

sorry Agree with your parents. Once there are that many people involved you can’t have a proper conversation.

Ella31 · 09/02/2026 13:29

Is it possible they find too many people overwhelming. I know when our family gets together with all the kids, it's mayhem and messy. I can see my parents and pil are visibally tired after

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