To bring up a colleagues sexual assault at work

I wouldn't bring it up at work no

I wouldn't say anything to her at all. If she was a friend and you socialised regularly outside of work, that might be different. As it stands, you are colleagues, even if you are ones that get on well with each other. It would be inappropriate to mention the newspaper article, unless she does, which would be unlikely.

It would be highly inappropriate for you to bring this up.

This isn’t her shame. She was not responsible for whatever happened to her. She wants the man to face consequences in society.

If you want to do the right thing then contact the man’s employer or his wife and tell them what a POS he is.

Just because she chose to give up anonymity doesn't mean she wants to talk about it at work. It will have been hard for her to give the interview. I think it's not kind, even with good intentions, it's not kind to put her in a position to be reminded of what she went through in the middle of a workday, where she will then have to get on with work straight after. If they were friendly and met for drinks after work or a coffee then yes, but not in the middle of a work day.

I think this is good advice it offers further validation she made the right decision to do the interview. She choose to do the interview as she wants to raise awareness, it was a brave act and she should be praised for her selfless actions.

It appears that this is about your need to talk about it and not her need to be supported. Can you talk to someone else about how it has made you feel?

I’d mention it. She has gone public for a reason and will know people know about it. But rather than pity I would opt for strength. So, instead of “I’m so about what you experienced” I would say “I saw your article, I really admire your courage, well done for having the strength to speak up, etc”.

Why would she think you don’t believe her if you say nothing? She’d probably just assume you hadn’t seen the article. I wouldn’t bring it up, but if she mentions it, talk to her about it.

You've totally misunderstood what I said.

I know how hard it is to say anything at all about sexual assault.

I never said anything about interpreting bravery as 'somehow doing wrong' - I'm not sure that even makes sense.

I'm saying that calling someone brave distances them, by putting them in a different category - you're a brave person because you've done something out of the norm. It's one of those words that appears supportive but isn't. Being called brave is a very lonely experience.

Why do you want to OP?

To be brave is not an insult. It’s to face and endure risk, to show courage without fear. Unless you’ve lived under a rock we all know why it’s brave to speak up about sexual assault.

because we’re accused of lying
because we’re accused of being “sluts”
because we’re accused of leading men of
because we’re accused of ruining men’s lives
because we’re accused of “asking for it”
because we’re told we should be ashamed. Embarrassed. Forgiving.

women who speak up against sexual assault are brave. If you interpret bravery as somehow doing wrong that’s definitely a you issue.

That you’re seeking advice on this shows how compassionate you are.
I’m guessing the person waived anonymity, and gave an interview, in the context of dealing with an assault and trauma. She’ll probably assume everyone in the room will know who she is and have read the details, which must be incredibly hard for someone.

When she’s at work I would assume she is in an ‘work and appropriate social discourse’ headspace. Not many people would feel comfortable flipping between the 2 at work. If they do it needs to be their choice and within their control.

A compassionate way to manage this may be to stick to your normal topics and let her bring it up if she wishes. If she doesn’t then respect that.

I would agree that’s she’s very brave. If it feels right (and I think you’ll know) you could just say you saw the article and think she’s brave and really admire her. But if she’s having a bad day, and we all have them, I’m sure you will sense it and know it might not be the right time.

I wouldn’t even go there, and nor should you.

Yeah no. Mind your buisness. I would be mortified and horrified if someone came up to me and said something

I'd send her a message, ideally when you know she's WFH, saying you think she'd brave and impressive, you don't expect her to respond but you wanted her to know. I think in her place I would like it acknowledged but wouldn't like to publicly discuss it or have to respond.

Absolutely not. I was the victim of a stranger rape and whilst I didn’t waive my right to anonymity I did do some interviews and I believe some colleagues recognised my voice. I would not want anyone to say anything unless I brought it up first. I don’t want to stop being ‘me’ and suddenly become ‘that girl who got raped’. I have no issue with anyone knowing what happened to me because I didn’t do anything wrong but I don’t want it to define me. Say nothing.

You don't say anything. Why would you? If she brings it up then fine, but some people like to keel the bad stuff outside of their work.

Absolutely you should mention it.

”you were so impressive in your interview”
”it was incredibly brave of you to speak up”
”I’m so proud of you for speaking out on this important issue”

she waived her anonymity to highlight something dreadful, presumably in the hope it would bring her closure of sorts or to raise awareness. She deserves to have that acknowledged. If you make a comment about the interview then it’s not as loaded as directly mentioning her abuse and she can easily shut the convo down if she wants.

id consider it an awful thing for such bravery to go unacknowledged

Don’t start that conversation…..if she mentions it then talk about it but grant her the grace of not being the topic of conversation on everyone’s mind!

Keep it shut. It’s entirely up to her whether she wants to bring this up at work or not.

I agree with this

This.