To bring up a colleagues sexual assault at work

Maybe she just wants to put it behind her and feel there's more to her life than this one topic, especially at work. I wouldn't mention it unless she does.

Why would someone be randomly googling a colleagues name?

Keep.Your.Mouth.Shut

Why would you now recast her as a victim you feel sorry for.

If you say anything, commend her on her bravery. Don't take away any more of her agency.

Ok, well I asked because I didnt know what you felt, given your OP seems to imply you know the 'obvious answer' (which I assumed meant you would want to say something), I was only asking as well

I dont think there is an obvious answer, there isnt a right or wrong and I think people need to have permission to do what their gut says but then perhaps not always get it 'right' as it were

If you feel its better to say something then do, if not then dont. Thats all you can do. You cant second guess this sort of thing

Will it leave you with regret if you think, I should have said someething and now have missed the moment.

I’ve read several comments and clearly everyone has conflicting views and opinions on this. I still do not think it’s appropriate to bring it up at work.

Read the comment above from the lady who has actually had 1st hand experience and read what she's said. Support is not about you or for you it’s for the other person.

Don't mention it. Let her bring it up if she wishes to talk about it

I have a friend who did something similar, and I think her experience was going around thinking that people recognised her and weren’t saying anything, in a way it was better for her to just get it out in the open. But she is an activist so maybe diffferent. If you choose to do it, absolutely you need to be very careful of picking your moment and not coming at it from a position of pity.

There is a thing called empathy

You are brave I think.

It's hardly surprising you lost faith after your experiences. I am not surprised at all. But I am reallt sorry for what you have been through.

So many of us. It's so wrong and unfair.

She probably waived anonymity in spite of the fact people would bring it up in conversation, not because of that.

She said they chat away at coffee but are defo not friends outside of work. It’s over stepping to assume she needs support from reading a newspaper article

My gut instinct is to do as others have said - when it’s just the two of you I’d just say ‘I just wanted to mention, I saw your interview and I think what you’ve done is so brilliant’. And as another pp said have something ready to start chatting about afterwards that’s work related if she’s not wanting to chat.

Personally I think it’s weird not to mention it if she knows you’ll have seen it. Like there’s something to be ashamed of.

Im also finding the responses saying ‘only if she raises it first’ a bit weird. If she’s comfortable it’s public that’s one thing, but who in their right mind is going to be all ‘hey, did anyone see my interview at the weekend about my sexual assault?’ She’s not going to say that because a) it would be really odd and b) it invites anyone who thinks she should have stayed quiet to imply that. She’s not going to ask for validation - she shouldn’t bloody have to - but I would want to give it to her.

💯

@Purplenote if it’s blanket coverage it may be she’d appreciate a break, or appreciate a quiet word. Only she will know. Maybe give her the choice by acknowledging you’ve seen it but asking if she’d like a break from discussing it?

Whatever you do please remember to keep her choice at the centre of it all. It’s all about this lady being in control of the situation now (after bravely speaking about a situation where choice and control were denied). It is all about her preferences, whether she wishes to name them or not. You have the chance to be the one person who chats to her ‘normally’ that day, like an oasis of calm.

I would say if you were having a quiet one-on-one coffee with her, then just gently touch her shoulder. She will know - and it would be quietly appreciated.

I wouldn’t bring it up otherwise.

(If people bring up my trauma, suddenly, in public or in social situations, unexpectedly and out of nowhere - it can spoil what is an otherwise ok day and send me spiraling). That is my own take if it helps.

I respected people who on greeting me, just silently and lightly touched my shoulder. We both knew and understood that it was coming from a good place.

Something like this perhaps, although its a double edged sword - are women who keep quiet then 'not brilliant'?

Tricky one. At the end of the day OP, you know her better than us!

That really is really supportive and done in the best possible way. That person understands properly so it’s a help rather than dragging it all back up for you.

My sexual assaults were different as I was older, more than one sort and different men. I can count on one hand who I have ever told in over 35 years and even then no real details. Sadly the first assault I suffered I went straight to the police in the 90s and two male officers came out who treated me disgustingly. I lost all trust in humans, especially men in authority, from that moment onwards. So after that I’m not brave enough to really talk about it.

She's gone very public with it, You're colleagues who are friendly and chat about things outside of work, I think it's absolutely fine to bring it up (and risks being the elephant in the room if you don't) but I would do so in a way that acknowledges it but doesn't put any pressure on her to talk about it.

"hey, how are you doing?" (she may say something here)

"I saw the article. I don't mind if you do or don't want to talk about it, I just wanted to let you know that you've been in my thoughts." Have another work related thing queued up in your brain to jump straight into here so that she can focus on that directly if she doesn't want to talk about the article.

Definitely do not mention it. Completely inappropriate.

If she's gone public, I would absolutely acknowledge it, and in the way you said. It would be more awkward not to mention it tbh. She may want to talk further about or she may not - but she can take the lead on that.

I would leave it unless she brings it up.

How did you find the article though? If you went searching for it, may come across a bit stalker ish...

Apologies if you have already explained

I’m a survivor of various assaults. Is the article published where literally everyone will have read it? If so say she has your support and so on.

But if not no I would not mention it. I have ptsd and other various problems linked to the stuff I’ve had to go through. It’s bad enough it pops in my head without someone else bringing the subject up. In 20plus years my DP and I have rarely spoken about it and only if I bring it up. It’s my crap to deal with not anyone else’s.

if she mentioned it to me, she’s the sort of person I could confide in as they’d understand but no if not want to ruin their day by bringing the subject up.

Definitely don't zoom her back to the SA event at work, maybe try and say you consider her more than a colleague if you do...otherwise what is the point of your saying anything at all?
If she is campaigning for change, support the campaign